wow..well im gonna be a single father.. joint custody and rights for father??

[mybunnyslipperz]

my very good friend is in a similar situation. his now-ex-wife got pregnant while they were separated (her choice) but chose to fulfill "needs" with each other. After she found out she was pregnant, she decided to reconcile with him - then decided to leave for good when she was 7 months pregnant. The issue of paternity was definitely at the forefront of his mind and after the baby was born, he paid for the paternity test. Once she was determined to be his, the fight in court started to get visitation and determine child support.

 

The baby is now 9 months old and he was just granted (2 weeks ago) unsupervised visits with his child every Sunday for 4 hours (including travel time of over a half hour each way). The court cited his inexperience with children and the baby "not knowing him" as reasons to not allow unsupervised visits with his child at his home until now. He intends to keep fighting this uphill battle until he can have joint custody of his child... but it will be a very long, hard road.

 

The other issue is that his ex-wife filed for child support and such he makes significantly more money than she does, he ended up having to pay $600/mo. (including his back payments owed for when the paternity of the child was still in question) to her in child support - leaving him with barely enough money to survive month-to-month.

 

It is clear that the courts still see the mother as, by default, being "in the best interest of the child" - unless some major indiscretion on the part of the mother is brought to the attention of the courts and can be proved. Because of this, I would agree with all of the other posters who have suggested obtaining a lawyer sooner, rather than later to start working on your game plan immediately. If you have no previous experience with babies, perhaps taking a parenting class might be to your benefit. If you choose to do the paternity testing (which I highly recommend you do), while waiting for the results to come back, I would suggest putting a chunk of money aside for your child/child support so that you don't have to make back payments in addition to the actual payments when and if your paternity is established.

 

This is a difficult situation and it's really unfortunate that the courts still side with the mother - especially when there are upstanding fathers like yourself who want to be a part of their child's life. Instead of being rewarded for stepping up to the plate, the courts just make it more difficult for you to get what should be your right. It is a shame, especially when there are so many fathers who don't want anything to do with their children.

 

I wish you much luck...

[jenny_mcs]

 

The baby is now 9 months old and he was just granted (2 weeks ago) unsupervised visits with his child every Sunday for 4 hours (including travel time of over a half hour each way). The court cited his inexperience with children and the baby "not knowing him" as reasons to not allow unsupervised visits with his child at his home until now. He intends to keep fighting this uphill battle until he can have joint custody of his child... but it will be a very long, hard road.

 

Yes, this is EXACTLY why the OP has to see a lawyer and get a plan in place. Not wait and see if she comes around and changes her mind. Unfortunately, what happened to mybunnyslipperz’s friend is not totally uncommon.

 

Father thinks the mother will come to her senses. Or he doesn’t want to make her mad. Or is hoping that everything just works out. The baby is born and the father has not seen a lawyer and doesn’t know what to do. Mother severely restricts access to the baby. And then, by the time the father gets his act together and pursues the matter in court, months have passed, the baby is unfamiliar with the father , the father has no experience with babies, and the court is reluctant to allow unsupervised visitation. It is a horrible catch-22 that can take a very long time to sort out.

 

**I do want to add a caveat that in all my time working in family courts it is overwhelmingly mothers dealing with dads who do not want to pay for or care for their children. Overwhelmingly. But the OP’s situation does happen, and it is terrible.

 

If you have no previous experience with babies, perhaps taking a parenting class might be to your benefit. If you choose to do the paternity testing (which I highly recommend you do), while waiting for the results to come back, I would suggest putting a chunk of money aside for your child/child support so that you don't have to make back payments in addition to the actual payments when and if your paternity is established.

This is good advice also.

[Moontiger]

As other have said, whatever could be seen as a negative work on now: Take parenting classes, read books on raising children, take a child development class. Create a paper trail of self improvement. Create a paper trail of being interested in being a father. I saw a documentary once where a father was in your position. When he and his ex finally got to court she said he had only contact her to get back into a relationship with her not because he wanted to see his kid.

 

Again, as others have said get a lawyer now. Read up on your state laws.

 

This might be a good resource for you: link removed

[22n32]

thanks everyone... wow some pretty scary stories.. really makes me sad.. but its prob better i hear it..