My Girlfriend is physically abusive

[DesertFox]

My girlfriend, who I've been living with and just signed a new lease with on an apartment has a history of suicidal depression and it causes her to be a little unstable. This time we got into a fight and she says she can't stand living with me anymore. Tells me that because she signed the lease so recently, that she's going to pay me some money for the first couple months to cover what she would have paid until I can get someone else to take the other bedroom. During this fight, she was physically abusive, punching me, kicking me, scratching at my arms and even biting me. Needless to say that I'm absolutely done with that s***. Heres my problem now though. She says shes moving back home with her parents (we're college age) but I'm afraid that she's just going to leave and kill herself instead. I know it's not my responsibility and I can't just stalk her and make sure she makes it all the way home a few states away, but I feel like if she did It would be partially my fault or something. She deleted all the contacts off her phone (literally all of them, not even her parents or family or any friends left) and is heavily hinting on maybe just not even actually going home but just leaving somewhere.

At what point should I just say it's not up to me to control her actions, how do I just say whatever you can do what you want. In fact just at this point of writing this topic I got up to use the bathroom and caught her writing a suicide note to her mother. She says she's going to go home and spend some time with her family before she says she's going to kill herself. My question is pretty much just, *** should I do?

[bibliophile01]

That's quite scary. You should help her get professional help.

[woodsrose10]

She definitely needs professional help; perhaps even hospitalized for a few days.

[DN]

At what point should I just say it's not up to me to control her actions,

Now is the time.

[iamkaylee]

Enough is enough right now. She is not your responsibility and you can not make her get the professional help she needs. Let her go, and when she moves out, change the locks. After she leaves for good, if you're terribly concerned she's actually capable of doing something to hurt herself, call her mother and tell her. That's about all you can do. It sounds horrible to say, but openly threatening suicide your GF is going is often a bluff for attention. That in itself is a sign of some kind of mental illness you can't help her with.

[TheRawTruth]

As weird as it sounds, when I saw her writing the suicide note in the bathroom, I would have asked her why she wants to commit suicide. Just really get an idea as to WHAT SHE'S FEELING. Hug her, hold her, talk to her, etc. Even though the violent outburst would have pissed me off, once a serious threat of suicide enters the picture, you gotta let that go if you're concerned about her. Forget the negative stuff until you calm her down or (at least TEMPORARILY) change her mind.

[SpottiOtti]

You can call the cops and tell them she's threatened to kill herself, and they have to hospitalize her.

[C88kie]

I agree with everyone else here. She could be just bluffing for attention. But still, she needs to be hospitalized as soon as possible. If you can contact a family member before calling the cops. Please try. Maybe they can try to get her to get some help. She's already writing suicide notes, so don't wait until something worse happens. Even if she's just bluffing, just a short stay in a mental ward will teach her a lesson.

[DN]

During this fight, she was physically abusive, punching me, kicking me, scratching at my arms and even biting me.

Some people seem to have missed the point that she's physically abusive to you. If you can get her help, do so, but do it at a distance. You really need to stay away from her, certainly not be trying to hug her or hold her. You will either get hurt and/or end up in jail.

[ThatwasThen]

^^^ Totally agree. Huging is not the right thing to do right now.

 

 

Listen to Spotti. Call the Mental Health Hotline for your area and tell them what you've told us here. Hopefully they will send out representatives that will escort her to your nearest psychiatric facility for observation. Failing that, call the police and tell them. At least if you actully try to do something to help her you'll not feel guilty if she does carry out her threat.

 

Something for you to think about: Read some literature on White Knight Syndrome and Codependency. I say this because I wonder why you would even contemplate living with someone who abuses you and has unchecked mental issues.

 

... Google for that mental health hotline near you.