Would you date somebody who worked as a janitor/custodian/cleaner?

[EssexMan]

I would have thought dating/relationships accross social and economic classes are far more likely and more accepted now than at any other time in history. Would anybody have even bothered to ask this question sixty years ago, to a middle-class college-educated audience? The answer would so obviously have been no.

[rosasnyder811]

I would have thought dating/relationships accross social and economic classes are far more likely and more accepted now than at any other time in history. Would anybody have even bothered to ask this question sixty years ago, to a middle-class college-educated audience? The answer would so obviously have been no.

 

Nope, but the world is a much shallower place than it was then. People don't even realize that questions like this are not really appropriate.

[EssexMan]

People don't even realize that questions like this are not really appropriate.

 

The variety of responses given suggests it's not a bad question to ask, if it makes people think about their own assumptions.

 

An inappropriate question, surely, might be something like "do you believe women should be allowed to vote", where there is no real disagreement on the answer except from a lunatic fringe whose views are repugnant to the overwhelming majority.

 

One thing I think is interesting in this thread is that there are two different questions, really. "Would you date someone of a sharply different socioeconomic class to yourself?" (given that there seem to be few janitors, labourers etc. among the respondents), and "would you date someone at the bottom of the socioeconomic pile"?

 

I might be wrong but I think I was one of only a few, at most, who mentioned being uncomfortable with the prospect of dating someone much higher in the pile than me.

[lostnscared]

By saying you wouldn't have much in common or compatible with a Janitor, you are insinuating that you are above them in status or intelligence. Whether you said it or not, that's the insinuation that can be made from those statements.

 

No it isn't, it's what YOU took from it. Let me put it in clearer writing: I do not think I would have much in common with a janitor because the men I TEND to date and/or find myself attracted to have SIMILAR aspirations to me, both career-wise and money-wise. So for me, someone who made the choice to become a janitor(unless crazy circumstances) would not have much in common with me, because I tend to like and be most compatible with men who have higher ambitions and higher financial goals. I also tend to like college educated men or men that went to some type of school(even if it's trade), a person with a degree who CHOSE to be a janitor would still not have much in common with me, because I want someone that is seeking more in terms of a career. So what it boils down to is Like attracts like. In doesn't matter how intelligent a person is, if you do not have the same life goals or want the same things out of life. If you want to analyze that as me thinking I'm smarter or more intellectual than a person who is content with being a janitor then go right ahead. I understand, however, how crucial it is to seek a partner that has the same core values and financial goals as you have and someone that has a career or that is in a field that you both have mutual respect and admiration or understanding of. I'm honest enough to say that I do see value in EVERY position out there, but in a partner I tend to have respect and admiration for someone interested in "climbing" higher. Experience has taught me that about myself.

 

 

[rosasnyder811]

You're right. Going as far as to say it wasn't appropriate wasn't appropriate, however, I still find the question to be shallow.

 

The variety of responses given suggests it's not a bad question to ask, if it makes people think about their own assumptions.

 

An inappropriate question, surely, might be something like "do you believe women should be allowed to vote", where there is no real disagreement on the answer except from a lunatic fringe whose views are repugnant to the overwhelming majority.

 

One thing I think is interesting in this thread is that there are two different questions, really. "Would you date someone of a sharply different socioeconomic class to yourself?" (given that there seem to be few janitors, labourers etc. among the respondents), and "would you date someone at the bottom of the socioeconomic pile"?

 

I might be wrong but I think I was one of only a few, at most, who mentioned being uncomfortable with the prospect of dating someone much higher in the pile than me.

[lostnscared]

just wanted to know the salary range your looking to date "honey"

 

Someone can be in a field and make above or below the "average" salary, it's too complex and complicated to even TIE someone's career to their salary level. I don't go after "salary" ranges, I go after men who have things in common with me both career-wise and in terms of financial goals. In other words someone who had high ambitions(even if they were not in the same field) and someone who had similar goals as mine in terms of what they were striving for in the future or even in the present. That person could make less or more than me, but if we both had similar goals, and had similar ambitions and passions for what we were doing then we'd mesh.

[rosasnyder811]

So again, you are saying that you think you are better than a janitor because you think a janitor has no ambition or goals. You think that they aren't college educated. A college education isn't everything.

I have three degrees, and I don't consider myself to be at a higher level than others, because everyone is intelligent in their own way. I've dated women with much less education than myself, to find that they are much smarter than me in many ways, and much more ambitious.

Saying that a janitor has no ambition is proving my point. You might not like to admit that you are doing it, but a duck is always a duck, even when wearing pajamas.

[EssexMan]

you think a janitor has no ambition or goals.

 

This is an interesting point. Presumably there is some kind of career path for janitors, extra skills to learn, unusually challenging buildings to maintain, etc. In which case, can one not be an exceptionally good and successful janitor? And if that's possible, then surely it is perfectly plausible to be an ambitious janitor who aspires to that?

[lostnscared]

So again, you are saying that you think you are better than a janitor because you think a janitor has no ambition or goals. You think that they aren't college educated. A college education isn't everything.

I have three degrees, and I don't consider myself to be at a higher level than others, because everyone is intelligent in their own way. I've dated women with much less education than myself, to find that they are much smarter than me in many ways, and much more ambitious.

Saying that a janitor has no ambition is proving my point. You might not like to admit that you are doing it, but a duck is always a duck, even when wearing pajamas.

 

You are so busy trying to prove that people are shallow and have no morals and don't have the right idea about who they CHOOSE to select as a mate, that you aren't seeing the big picture. You are also putting words in my mouth. A janitor can have ambitions--he can have ambitions for a variety of things in life, however if he IS a janitor than that "career" is not ambitious enough FOR ME. I like someone who wants to MOVE UP, someone who is not content at the bottom or even where they are at present. A man that is constantly looking for ways to climb that ladder, seek training, education, etc. That IS ATTRACTIVE to me.

 

. That's fantastic that you don't think that you are smarter than others who lack degrees. Whoopee. I don't either. The difference is that I KNOW myself enough to know what is important to me in a mate and what isn't. I would NOT be content dating an hourly associate at the mall, a burger flipper, or a janitor. For the reasons I stated early on. But there are people in those positions who are CONTENT. Who are ambitious in "other ways"--for instance they might be ambitious about being the best parent they could be, or in selling the most amount of clothes they can to a customer, or in cleaning the most efficiently. That is GREAT and that is a different level of ambition then what I'm talking about(and you know it but are choosing to overlook just to argue and validate your opinion that people are shallow and society is f****).

 

Personally I'm a woman enough to admit what I'm attracted to and what I'm not.

 

I answered the question of this thread and feel fine with my answer. No I would not date a janitor. And sorry if that makes you upset because I'm shallow. I'll continue being shallow because I've not had an issue with it, or meeting men that match my criteria.

 

And I'm glad that you've dated woman that have less education or made less then you. Do you want a cookie for that. lol?

[rosasnyder811]

This is an interesting point. Presumably there is some kind of career path for janitors, extra skills to learn, unusually challenging buildings to maintain, etc. In which case, can one not be an exceptionally good and successful janitor? And if that's possible, then surely it is perfectly plausible to be an ambitious janitor who aspires to that?

 

Like I said, I have known some janitors that have made 6 figures +.

It depends on where you work. I've known doctors and lawyers that are broke.

[rosasnyder811]

Once again, you stated "someone who is not content at the bottom."

That tells me you think your ambitions are better than a janitors, in your eyes. Your digging yourself a hole.

It's not who you're attracted to that I am calling out---it is the fact that you are admitting in your posts that you are above the janitors, but when asked to say it directly, you won't. Then you make immature statements when you're called out on it. I wasn't looking for recognition. I was telling you that if someone is compatible personality wise, I'm interested in them. I don't ask them to hand me their degrees before we go out.

Just be honest with yourself.

[EssexMan]

I don't ask them to hand me their degrees before we go out.

 

Heh. I have had relationships with not one but two women who did that, almost literally and unprompted - insisted on showing me their degree certificates and transcripts very early on.

 

Talk about educational insecurity (all the more ironic since although I probably come accross as some uber-intellectual, I never even finished my BA). I don't have a lot of red flags, but that'd be one for sure now!

[Wonderstruck]

As the person who created this thread, I just wanted to intervene for a second and say that there is absolutely nothing wrong with lostnscared's response, and I don't think that she should be criticized for it.

 

She has every right to decide which qualities she is attracted to in a person, which personality traits/values/beliefs/goals/ambitions/intelligence level etc. she requires in a person in order to be interested in being with them, and what her personal red flags and deal-breakers are. She has every right to decide for herself whether or not she would be compatible with somebody based on her OWN personal criteria of what she is looking for in a person and in a relationship.

 

I actually thought that her explanation of why she WOULDN'T date a janitor was excellent, and not at all shallow, superficial, snobby, elitist or arrogant. There are plenty of people who place a lot of value on being well-educated, ambitious and career-driven, and plenty of people who aren't attracted to those who don't have these qualities. If she knows that she wouldn't be attracted to somebody who didn't have loftier career goals and wasn't striving to climb the ladder, than she is absolutely right that she wouldn't be compatible with them, and she is smart enough to not waste her or the other person's time by getting into a relationship with them. If she did, she would probably feel stifled, frustrated and eventually resentful (as would the other person, if they were happy where they were in life and didn't want to feel nagged or guilt-tripped into pursuing "better" opportunities).

 

This is part of the reason that I asked this question - I wanted to know how much somebody's position on the socio-economic ladder factors into your attraction and desire to be with them, and WHY. Lostnscared gave a very fair response as to WHY it DOES factor into her selecting process - and WHY she wouldn't be attracted to somebody who was on the bottom rung of the ladder. Others explained why that wouldn't be a red flag or a deal-breaker for them. Both points of view are equally valid.

 

Also, rosasnyder811, I've seen you call this entire thread topic "shallow" more than once, and I think that you're completely misunderstanding the reasoning behind it. I've already explained that I wasn't asking because I'm considering dating a janitor, and simply wanted others opinions on whether or not I should because "Like, eww, gross, he's a janitor!". I've already explained that I, the creator of this thread, WOULD date a janitor.

 

I explained that I asked because I was interested in how much a person's occupation or position on the socio-economic ladder factors into your own personal selection criteria for a potential partner. I knew that there would be responses like lostnscared's, and I was completely okay with that. Everyone is entitled to decide for themselves what they are looking for, and what constitutes a deal-breaker. And while there are some "deal-breakers" that I WOULD consider to be shallow and offensive, I don't think that similar career goals, level of ambitiousness and drive is one of them.

[lostnscared]

Once again, you stated "someone who is not content at the bottom."

That tells me you think your ambitions are better than a janitors, in your eyes. Your digging yourself a hole.

It's not who you're attracted to that I am calling out---it is the fact that you are admitting in your posts that you are above the janitors, but when asked to say it directly, you won't. Then you make immature statements when you're called out on it. I wasn't looking for recognition. I was telling you that if someone is compatible personality wise, I'm interested in them. I don't ask them to hand me their degrees before we go out.

Just be honest with yourself.

 

 

I'm honest with myself. I know what i like and that is that. And yep I said someone who is not content at being at the bottom, because I meant it. I do not want a man that is satisfied working in a position at the bottom of ANY occupation. I want someone who wants to climb the ladder, and who has ambitions. So yep I stand by what I said, and personally find nothing wrong or no hint of me suggesting I'm better for wanting a man that is constantly finding ways to better himself in HIS CAREER and in a field that I find attractive and respect and admire.

 

And to be frank, even if I thought I was above a certain occupation, then so be it. I can feel however I want to feel, date who I ever I want to date, and look at people the way I want to. I'm the owner of my thoughts, and because of that I could care less if you thought I was shallow, snobby, or elitist, because I know what my thoughts are and at the end of the day that's all that matters, bottom line. And because of this I do not have to prove that I do not think I'm better then a janitor.

 

Oh and it doesn't matter why someone doesn't want to date a janitor, if they don't, they don't. It doesn't matter if you choose to date a woman with or without a degree, that is your thing, not mine. I don't think your an awesome person because you looked pass a degree and met a woman that you felt was smarter then you in many ways. That's you sweetie. And if someone chooses to be a janitor kudos to them. I will still go ahead and date the men that I want to date, and I won't feel bad about it.

 

But ya I won't bother responding anymore to you, I know what your intent is, and frankly it's wasting my time even sitting here typing this out to you hun.

 

Toodles.

[calichick007]

Once again, you stated "someone who is not content at the bottom."

That tells me you think your ambitions are better than a janitors, in your eyes.

 

Different ambitions do not imply "better" ambitions. If someone does not want to be anything more than a janitor, that's fine. It does not mean that I have to marry them, however. You are really reaching.

 

And I'm one who doesn't care about being called shallow, for the record.

[calichick007]

Nope, but the world is a much shallower place than it was then. People don't even realize that questions like this are not really appropriate.

 

Who are you to say what is appropriate and what isn't? Any time you decide whether you want to date someone, you evaluate them based on "shallow" characteristics. What they look like. How much they weigh. How tall they are. Whether they are well put-together, versus unkempt. Absolutely everyone has preferences. Desiring someone who has a college degree may be shallow in some peoples' eyes - but how is it different or distinct from desiring someone who is not obese?

[calichick007]

BTW, the median expected salary for a typical Janitor in the United States is $24,864. Surely you know a janitor making 6 figures is a serious anomaly - if that is even true.

[EssexMan]

BTW, the median expected salary for a typical Janitor in the United States is $24,864. Surely you know a janitor making 6 figures is a serious anomaly - if that is even true.

 

I suppose in huge institutions (hospitals, universities, etc.) there must be hierarchies of janitors and somebody must be at the top of each, perhaps having risen from the bottom.

[lostnscared]

BTW, the median expected salary for a typical Janitor in the United States is $24,864. Surely you know a janitor making 6 figures is a serious anomaly - if that is even true.

 

LOL, people always have stories of someone they know that happens to be an anomaly, it's often used to prove a point(for instance the idea that a janitor can make a lot of money and therefore people shouldn't overlook them--as if that the ONLY reason why someone would not want to date a janitor) lol.

 

And in regards to him saying what is appropriate and what isn't--I think he's just picking here to find ways to expose how shallow I am, or anyone else who said they did not want a janitor(for whatever reason that fits in to his "the world is shallow mean place").

 

But I know I'm just so ridiculous and I don't see things clearly so there can't be any reason but some shallow reason as to why someone would not want to date a janitor ^^^. lol.