Jealousy or just let it go

[Chris Knows]

Hello forum!! It's been a long time since I have posted on here!!

 

Here's a run down. I met the love of my life two years ago. We have a great relationship together. We moved in together almost a year ago. Around Christmas time, I popped the question. I found the perfect ring, perfect way too ask her, etc. Life's been good.

 

Outside of one or two fights, our relationship is strong. We go out a lot, tons of of intimacy etc.

 

She started a new job about 8 months ago and enjoys the job. I knew all of the people at her old job and we always attended social functions. With her new job, we don't go out with them, nor have I met any of then. Which is fine, her old job was a 10 minute commute where as this one is a 45 minute commute.

 

As our christmas present, her parents bought us a new ipad.

 

We both tend to play games such as Words with friends, Scramble with friends. I've noticed that there is one guy (and only one guy) From work, that she has continual conversations with. It's not just conversations either. It's always very flirty conversations.

 

Things such as -- "What do I GET for always winning?" "I dislike you." "You KNOW you LOVE me". She usually comes home, showers and we relax on the couch. All while being on the iPad playing these games. They've had these flirty conversations for a while now. Even when she attended a sporting event, he was asking her to come "hang out"

 

I asked her a few weeks ago what was up with her and this guy. She said nothing is going on.

 

My question is though, am I over thinking into this? Or if there is smoke there is usually fire?

[Edmund Exley]

No you are not over thinking it. There may not be fire, but that guy is definitely trying to lite a spark, and is obviously attempting to impose on the boundaries of your relationship. There is no harm in letting her know you feel his words are inappropriate and if he cant respect your relationship then she shouldnt be interacting with him.

 

This is a huge problem now a days, no one seems to respect the boudaries of other peoples relationships anymore, and electronic contact has made it easier than ever. If she loves you, she shoudl respect that while it may be harmless in her eyes, you are finding it offensive to your relationship.

[disneyfan]

Well, you can tell her your concerns, but if she says nothing is going on, then you should trust her. You don't want to be "that guy", you know? The paranoid, jealous, over bearing one? That will just cause more problems. But you have to let her know that you are very uncomfortable with the relationship she has with this man.

[Chris Knows]

Well, you can tell her your concerns, but if she says nothing is going on, then you should trust her. You don't want to be "that guy", you know? The paranoid, jealous, over bearing one? That will just cause more problems. But you have to let her know that you are very uncomfortable with the relationship she has with this man.

 

I agree with you, Disney.

 

That's why I haven't really mentioned much about it.

 

I know that (well pretty much think lol) there is nothing physical going on with them. But it just seems they enjoy the flirting and the unknown aspect about it all.

[Edmund Exley]

I agree with you, Disney.

 

That's why I haven't really mentioned much about it.

 

I know that (well pretty much think lol) there is nothing physical going on with them. But it just seems they enjoy the flirting and the unknown aspect about it all.

 

What would be her reaction if you were the one in her shoes?

[Doc Blaze]

How does your gf reply to his come ons and flirting..does she go with it or does she stop it

 

 

and what did she say when he asked to hang out....

 

 

with a mix of flirty text and him asking her to hang out i would not be comfortable with the situation

 

 

I would be more mad that she has accepting of this..but i would have no respect for the guy if he knew ur gf had a bf

[sweetpea2000]

Does she work late at all? How was her reaction when you aksed her?

 

Did you get any gut feeling when you asked her?

[Chris Knows]

How does your gf reply to his come ons and flirting..does she go with it or does she stop it

 

 

and what did she say when he asked to hang out....

 

 

with a mix of flirty text and him asking her to hang out i would not be comfortable with the situation

 

 

I would be more mad that she has accepting of this..but i would have no respect for the guy if he knew ur gf had a bf

 

She doesn't really respond into his responses when he says things like that.

 

 

Does she work late at all? How was her reaction when you aksed her?

 

Did you get any gut feeling when you asked her?

 

She works until about 6. Then goes to the gym. Pretty much home the same time every night. Also comes home in gym clothes, so not really suspecting her of doing anything after work. I feel it's more of a flirty attachment than a physical one.

 

She had the usual response. I love you not him, why would i jeopardize the engagement for this guy. He's just a friend ONLY. Etc.

[MapleCanuck]

You are handling it well. Let her know you trust her! Discuss mutually agree-upon boundaries in your relationship though.

 

Ask her what comments from another women would bother her. She can have her guy friend, but she can't allow him to be so suggestive. It's innapropriate. We know what he wants. If she put him clearly in the forever-friend zone, would he be so into their online games?

[sweetpea2000]

I would say trust your instincts, as much as it sounds a bit neurotic its ok for you to say 'look im not happy with this contact your having with this guy, its making me feel insecure, I have seen x y and z from him and I dont like it I think he might be after you etc.On top of the fact that I havent met any of your work lot, can I meet some of them? Its a big part of your life, I want to be able to trust you but there are a few gaps I need filling in. To be fair, if you told her to sack him off because you dont like it, its not the ask of the century. You are getting married after all.

 

Talking is good, I reckon if she knew how you feel about it she would bin him anyway. Its not worth loosing you over or making you unhappy for. Just make sure you are both doing enough together and loving each other enough so trivial stuff like flirting in the office pales into insignificance because you are both such a good unit! Ditch the Ipads, get the scrabble board out

[oldenoughtoknow]

Has she always been a flirty person, or is this out of the blue? I agree that it's time for the two of you to talk about boundaries. Try to not be accusatory. Just say that you're not comfortable with the suggestive way this guy talks to her. Ask her if she'd be comfortable if a woman did that to you. Stand your ground and only agree to something you can live with.

 

A woman knows how to shut down a guy's flirting (if she wanted to), and the friendship can continue as before. But I get the feeling this guy will disappear once she shuts him down.

[Ms Darcy]

I would be concerned as well. I think it's troubling for a woman who is engaged to let that keep happening.

[Kaytie]

I would be concerned too. Now is definitely the time to ensure you are on the same page with boundaries and expectations. It is one thing to be a friend, but quite another to allow suggestive comments to go on, especially that you've voiced concerns over it.