I'm afraid I have never really loved my parents.

[sibelius9]

I have never felt too sure about having feelings of love for my parents (at least not in the traditional sense of the word). I think they were two incredibly unhealthy people who procreated and brought another unhealthy mind into their unhealthy world. It may sound as resentment but it really isn't about that. This is about knowing and feeling that with each passing day I feel less and less for them as people. In fact, their energies still feel very toxic and they contaminate my sense of self. I do not wish any harm or illness or misfortune to them but the idea that they won't be around forever sure has become comforting. Some people come into this world and as they ride out the course of their journey they feel NO NEED WHATSOEVER to change and elevate their spirit to another level. I mean....at least the EFFORT to do so would count but no....some people's lives just roll by and they are oblivious to how much harm the cause as they trod along.

 

I wonder how inadequate I should feel about this perspective on my parents or if the age old notion that we MUST love them and we MUST owe them utmost reverence, simply due to mere fact that they engendered us, is an archaic and faulty perception of the varying human conditions that cannot be boxed into such simple (and almost Neanderthalian) paradigms.

 

It's interesting that the only people I have ever really loved (with a pure, distilled, honest and gratifying sense of love) are my ex girlfriend and her daughter. I'm sorry I didn't have the tools then to act accordingly between my thoughts/feelings and my words/actions. I payed quite a price in losing them. I suppose my pathetic upbringing might have colored the situation to some degree. Such a shame. Not everyone is cut out to be a parent.

 

Any thoughts...please share. I just had to get this off my chest if even just one time and with complete strangers since I feel so out of place with my ENTIRE family unit.

[annie24]

i don't have a good relationship with my mother so i can relate. actually, i don't have a good relationship with half my family. though i do with some. i do wish i had a better relationship but i don't see that happening.

 

what's the saying..."God chooses your family, thank god you can choose your friends!"

[sibelius9]

1. I agree.....2. Your picture of Shelly Duval just made me crack up.