Minajoon Posted February 9, 2013 Share Posted February 9, 2013 So ill try and keep this simple. I'm 23 and my boyfriend is 34. When we met i thought he was so sweet and such a gentleman and mature usually he treats me like a princess but as the relationship continued i realized there are things i HATE about him too. He doesnt respect women. (Thinking theyre all ****s) He can get extremely angry fast and yell and curse! He has called me a couple of names before. And today he actually broke up with me over something STUPID (i wouldnt pick up the phone because he told me to shutup during an argument) and i refused to talk to him till he apologized. He sent me a text hours after but i haven't replied yet. I realize people arent perfect but i just need to know if this is normal in a relationship. I do love him but i dont want to end up getting hurt because of his anger issues and disrespect and being in a potentially unhealthy relationship. He also gave me herpes unknowingly and I'm very afraid of being alone if we break up. Were long distance right now he's moving here the end of the month for me and i know the stress of distance gets to both of us but it doesn't excuse his behavior. Im really stressed out Link to comment
Moontiger Posted February 9, 2013 Share Posted February 9, 2013 He is mental and emotional abuser. He will eventually try to isolate you from friends and family, he will make you feel like everything is your fault and that no one else would ever want you, it may even turn physical. Get out now. I warn you, when you do he will either get extremely angry or he will apologize and swear it will never happen again (this is a common line for abusers. Don't fall for it) Also, never date anyone who holds sexist/racist/homophobic views. Link to comment
Moontiger Posted February 9, 2013 Share Posted February 9, 2013 BTW, I would not buy the "I didn't know I had herps" line he is giving you. Just saying, with a guy like this you cannot trust anything he says. Link to comment
LikeWater Posted February 9, 2013 Share Posted February 9, 2013 He is mental and emotional abuser. He will eventually try to isolate you from friends and family, he will make you feel like everything is your fault and that no one else would ever want you, it may even turn physical. Get out now. I warn you, when you do he will either get extremely angry or he will apologize and swear it will never happen again (this is a common line for abusers. Don't fall for it) Also, never date anyone who holds sexist/racist/homophobic views. There's no way you can know all this about him just from what she posted. That said, this is way too much drama for a relationship and people are usually on their best behavior online, so if he's being this angry and mean online there's definitely potential for it to be a lot worse in person. I think you should probably end it, but that choice is yours and yours alone. Link to comment
poetryandlyrics Posted February 9, 2013 Share Posted February 9, 2013 Nope. This is not how good relationship works. Cursing, telling you to shut up? No. Getting angry quick? No. Calling you names? No. This will get worse. And if he doesn't respect women, I would wonder if that applies to you as well. Probably does. Do not live with him. He sounds abusive. While a small percentage never show signs of herpes and may not know they have the virus, I truly doubt he's one of them due to the way he does. Doesn't scream "you can trust me, I'm a good guy" to me. Link to comment
Minajoon Posted February 9, 2013 Author Share Posted February 9, 2013 Well the thing is when were actually together its completely different! We never fight and we just have so much fun. He usually visits me once or twice a month. But i see what you mean. I guess im wondering all this since hes actually supposed to be moving here the end of the month... Im scared when it eventually happens in person i wouldn't know how to handle it. Link to comment
Moontiger Posted February 9, 2013 Share Posted February 9, 2013 There's no way you can know all this about him just from what she posted. That said, this is way too much drama for a relationship and people are usually on their best behavior online, so if he's being this angry and mean online there's definitely potential for it to be a lot worse in person. I think you should probably end it, but that choice is yours and yours alone. He calls her names, gets angry easily, has sexist attitudes towards women, and emotional manipulates her by breaking up with for a small thing, yes,you can tell what his is from what is posted. Link to comment
Moontiger Posted February 9, 2013 Share Posted February 9, 2013 Well the thing is when were actually together its completely different! We never fight and we just have so much fun. He usually visits me once or twice a month. But i see what you mean. I guess im wondering all this since hes actually supposed to be moving here the end of the month... Im scared when it eventually happens in person i wouldn't know how to handle it. How long have you been dating? How long have you been in a long distance relationship? He is trouble, he is probably very charming when you are together. Lets say for arguments sack that he is not an abuser, at the very least he is showing you how he reacts to stress. Do you really want to be treated this way EVERY TIME something is stressful to him? Link to comment
poetryandlyrics Posted February 9, 2013 Share Posted February 9, 2013 Well the thing is when were actually together its completely different! We never fight and we just have so much fun. He usually visits me once or twice a month. But i see what you mean. I guess im wondering all this since hes actually supposed to be moving here the end of the month... Im scared when it eventually happens in person i wouldn't know how to handle it. He will show his true colors when you both have arguments later on in person. It would probably escalates, sounds like it. If not, it's still not a healthy way for him to be. If you're scared, that's a sign to break it off before he comes or otherwise you'd be stuck and wondering how to get out and have the relationship to go on and on while you still wonder how to get out. Right now is the easiest for you. Just email or whatever you tend to do and tell him it's off. Link to comment
LikeWater Posted February 9, 2013 Share Posted February 9, 2013 Not gonna argue with you. You don't know his life story from what she posted. You don't know that he would be abusive, or try to isolate her or anything like that. She's even now said that when they're in person he's completely different, so maybe he's just stressed out and taking it out the wrong way. Either way, signs are pointing to this possibly turning bad and as I said, sounds like there's already been way too much drama. Relationships aren't easy, but they shouldn't be super difficult either. Link to comment
Moontiger Posted February 9, 2013 Share Posted February 9, 2013 I'm not sure how to ask this without it coming out wrong but I really have to ask: Why are do you seem so calm about him most likely knowingly giving you herpes and lying about it? Link to comment
itsallgrand Posted February 9, 2013 Share Posted February 9, 2013 He gave you herpes. Enough said right there. Why are you afraid of being alone if you break up? Link to comment
Minajoon Posted February 9, 2013 Author Share Posted February 9, 2013 We've been dating for about 6 months. He was here for a friends graduation party (thats how we met). I thought of exactly the same thing. If he is so careless about breaking up over something so stupid, what will happen when bigger issues come up!? Im just so scared of being alone and its so depressing knowing i have this virus, i think if i didn't contract it from him I'd probably be more firm about leaving the relationship. Link to comment
Minajoon Posted February 9, 2013 Author Share Posted February 9, 2013 Well he said he had no clue and when he got tested (i made him) he was very upset an felt guilty for passing it on. I dont believe he was lying... I mean if he was then he is a good liar because i believed it 100%. And im afraid of being alone. Because well lets face it. Who would want someone with herpes ? Link to comment
poetryandlyrics Posted February 9, 2013 Share Posted February 9, 2013 We've been dating for about 6 months. He was here for a friends graduation party (thats how we met). I thought of exactly the same thing. If he is so careless about breaking up over something so stupid, what will happen when bigger issues come up!? Im just so scared of being alone and its so depressing knowing i have this virus, i think if i didn't contract it from him I'd probably be more firm about leaving the relationship. Threatening to breaking up over little things are manipulation tactics. And you're right to think that, what would happen when bigger issues come up? He'd probably turn it on you. Wouldn't you agree it'd be easier to go through this alone or with him, herpes or not? A lot of people have herpes right now. It's the stigma that's messing you up. Btw, if you have herpes 1 in the genitals place or vice versa, they tend to show up waayyyy less because they hate it there, and sometimes not at all after the initial. If that doesn't apply to you, you can take meds for it easily even so. Meds you take from the store easily. If you meet a person that's still willing despite the herpes, you know he's a good guy. Or you can meet someone with it too. There's even a herpes dating site. There's a dating site for everything. I know a ton of people who have it. And half of them are in relationships/married. Don't let this hinder you. Link to comment
Moontiger Posted February 9, 2013 Share Posted February 9, 2013 Mina, please do not stay with this man. You have been together for less then a year and never spent an extended period of time together. People like him (abusers) are good at picking out people who are afraid to be alone. You are already his victim. Please do not let him move in. Please seek therapy so you can work on feeling alone. You can do better then this abusive, poor excuse of a man. Trust me, this will only get worse. Link to comment
Moontiger Posted February 9, 2013 Share Posted February 9, 2013 Here ya go: link removed Link to comment
Moontiger Posted February 9, 2013 Share Posted February 9, 2013 Here another one: link removed Link to comment
itsallgrand Posted February 9, 2013 Share Posted February 9, 2013 Aww, sweetheart, you still are the same person you were before you contracted the virus. And I'm sure you have a lot to offer someone. Staying with someone out of fear is not recommended! Being with someone because they are right for you, treat you well, there is mutual love and respect, I could go on....these are good reasons. But fear? Nah. Even if it's life as a single girl for a while or for who knows, still, you can have a good life. Do I think what you have described is normal for a relationship? Normal trials and conflicts? No. I don't. And something in you has serious real doubts about starting a life with him...those are always worth listening to. You know yourself and the situation better than anyone. You have your whole life ahead of you yet. I'm so sorry you feel so afraid right now. Link to comment
Moontiger Posted February 9, 2013 Share Posted February 9, 2013 Please read this. He is showing several signs already: link removed Link to comment
Minajoon Posted February 9, 2013 Author Share Posted February 9, 2013 Thank you guys. Its really nice to have support. I feel like I had to talk about it with someone, I wish i could talk to friends/family about the relationship/herpes but i cant nor do i plan to because i don't want them to be disappointed or worried. I can be very strong once i've made up my mind and know when I'm being mistreated. Guess I already knew the answer just wanted to see other peoples point of view was. Link to comment
Moontiger Posted February 9, 2013 Share Posted February 9, 2013 Thank you guys. Its really nice to have support. I feel like I had to talk about it with someone, I wish i could talk to friends/family about the relationship/herpes but i cant nor do i plan to because i don't want them to be disappointed or worried. I can be very strong once i've made up my mind and know when I'm being mistreated. Guess I already knew the answer just wanted to see other peoples point of view was. I completely understand not wanting to talk to friends and family about this stuff. Please stay around ENA! This is a great website for support and help. Link to comment
Minajoon Posted February 9, 2013 Author Share Posted February 9, 2013 Moontiger thank you for the last link. After reading it i can say he has 95% of whats written as a part of his personality. Love makes you blind i guess Link to comment
poetryandlyrics Posted February 9, 2013 Share Posted February 9, 2013 Thank you guys. Its really nice to have support. I feel like I had to talk about it with someone, I wish i could talk to friends/family about the relationship/herpes but i cant nor do i plan to because i don't want them to be disappointed or worried. I can be very strong once i've made up my mind and know when I'm being mistreated. Guess I already knew the answer just wanted to see other peoples point of view was. Totally understandable, don't fret. Stay on ENA. Even message me if you wish for these things. Link to comment
priya23 Posted February 9, 2013 Share Posted February 9, 2013 I am also confused with my bf. Link to comment
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