Dawn717 Posted February 8, 2013 Share Posted February 8, 2013 My boyfriend and I recently broke up about 2 weeks ago, but his birthday will be next month. We left on good terms for the benefit of the doubt. I know he mentioned we couldn't be friends after the break up just for the sake of us both healing. It would obviously hurt him too much. (I posted a thread on the 'breaking up' category) If I did send him a card, I would most likely just not put my return address, and only sign my name inside of the card I was thinking it could say 'Happy Birthday, I wish you the best of luck in the future, and I hope you fulfill your dreams with plenty of happiness.' What do you all think? Should I go for it? Link to comment
Edmund Exley Posted February 8, 2013 Share Posted February 8, 2013 Have you spoke at all since the break up? Do you have any other expectations than simply wishing him a happy birthday? Are you concerned if he sees your address he wont accept it? Link to comment
Dawn717 Posted February 8, 2013 Author Share Posted February 8, 2013 No, we haven't contacted each other at all. No, I am not really expecting anything, because I know he doesn't want a woman in his life right now, that's part of the reason he broke up since he wasn't ready. I am a little paranoid about putting my address, but I don't see why he wouldn't accept it since we left on good terms. I think the reason is because people were saying he might throw it away. I don't know, but I am beginning to find that hard to believe since he has never been the type to just do anything that remotely cruel. Link to comment
mhowe Posted February 8, 2013 Share Posted February 8, 2013 Don't send it. He said you couldn't be "friends" for the sake of healing. He doesn't want a bday from you --- you are looking for an excuse to be in contact. Link to comment
Edmund Exley Posted February 8, 2013 Share Posted February 8, 2013 Don't send it. He said you couldn't be "friends" for the sake of healing. He doesn't want a bday from you --- you are looking for an excuse to be in contact. This ^^^^^ Link to comment
PaintWithLight Posted February 8, 2013 Share Posted February 8, 2013 Why do this? Always a bad idea. Always a gesture that is all about you. Always an excuse to make contact. Why do people think one last gesture is always necessary when things are over. Leave things as they are. Do not use this as an excuse to try and get back in touch with him. Be honest with yourself. It is not about remembering his birthday, it is about your wants and desires, right? Link to comment
rosasnyder811 Posted February 8, 2013 Share Posted February 8, 2013 If you are on here asking, you obviously want to send a card. So stop asking people, because they will just tell you no and give you a million negative reasons why. If your heart tells you to send it, then send it. There is nothing wrong with a friendly card on a birthday. Link to comment
rosasnyder811 Posted February 8, 2013 Share Posted February 8, 2013 First of all, it is a nice gesture and there is nothing wrong with it. There is nothing wrong with communicating with another human being, God forbid. You can't say things are over, because you don't know. Some of the most broken relationships come back to life. Some of the most promising relationships fail. The common factor is communication. There is nothing wrong with extending an olive branch and wishing someone Happy Birthday. It's not like she is telling him "I want you, come over NOW." She is simply sending a friendly card. Any decent relationship counselor will tell you that this is more than okay to do, especially if you are on good terms. Do it. Your heart says yes. Do it. Why do this? Always a bad idea. Always a gesture that is all about you. Always an excuse to make contact. Why do people think one last gesture is always necessary when things are over. Leave things as they are. Do not use this as an excuse to try and get back in touch with him. Be honest with yourself. It is not about remembering his birthday, it is about your wants and desires, right? Link to comment
PaintWithLight Posted February 8, 2013 Share Posted February 8, 2013 If you are on here asking, you obviously want to send a card. So stop asking people, because they will just tell you no and give you a million negative reasons why. If your heart tells you to send it, then send it. There is nothing wrong with a friendly card on a birthday. If this was a friend, I would say go for it. But it is an ex with all the drama surrounding that. It will never be a simple as the OP is trying to make it sound. Leave it alone. Link to comment
Huntress0527 Posted February 8, 2013 Share Posted February 8, 2013 It's not so much people are giving negative reasons but contact with an ex sets who back? The person that did the contacting. They are the ones that are going to get hurt especially if the ex is the one that broke up with them. I agree with the majority of posters, I wouldn't send it. Link to comment
gigginstick Posted February 8, 2013 Share Posted February 8, 2013 How bout you relax and stop thinking next month already? You dont know what the circumstances will be like in a months time. Lots of things could change by then ya know? For now just breath, and worry about today. Link to comment
PaintWithLight Posted February 8, 2013 Share Posted February 8, 2013 How bout you relax and stop thinking next month already? You dont know what the circumstances will be like in a months time. Lots of things could change by then ya know? For now just breath, and worry about today. ^^^^This exactly. This is why there are so many urging caution. You have had this on your mind for awhile now, right? You cannot be moving on if you are doing a mental countdown until the exes birthday. It shows you are still occupied with thoughts of them and this will not be a harmless, friendly card. Link to comment
rosasnyder811 Posted February 8, 2013 Share Posted February 8, 2013 If the OP ever wants a chance at getting this person back, then you don't ignore them. Plus, it is their birthday. You never know how much it will mean to someone to hear from an ex on their birthday. It's not going to do any harm. However, just don't expect anything to come of it. As long as you are just sending the card to be friendly and show that you still care, there is nothing wrong with that. Don't listen to the people that think that an ex is an ex and you should never talk to them again. That is not how society is supposed to be. Your heart tells you to do it, so do it. Link to comment
PaintWithLight Posted February 8, 2013 Share Posted February 8, 2013 I agree with all you said. Reconciliations do happen. But I believe the heart doesn't give the best advice after a breakup. Healing and a new life have been greatly delayed but following the emotions of one's heart after a breakup. Honestly, I would not appreciate hearing from a recent ex on my birthday. I would wonder.."what is this person up to??" What happens if this breakup was 100% justified and her dream guy will be the next guy she meets? Why should she delay starting her new life? Many people who eventually marry have multiple breakups behind them. Those were obviously not "the one" for them, right? This could be that exact case here. The smoother one moves on, the quicker healing can occur. This is a super recent breakup here, only 2 weeks!! Now is the time for NC not continued contact. Link to comment
gigginstick Posted February 8, 2013 Share Posted February 8, 2013 Yea i mean if your already thinking about what your going to do weeks from now..you are still emotionally driven. So whats your plan for today? Link to comment
Edmund Exley Posted February 8, 2013 Share Posted February 8, 2013 If the OP ever wants a chance at getting this person back, then you don't ignore them. Plus, it is their birthday. You never know how much it will mean to someone to hear from an ex on their birthday. It's not going to do any harm. However, just don't expect anything to come of it. As long as you are just sending the card to be friendly and show that you still care, there is nothing wrong with that. Don't listen to the people that think that an ex is an ex and you should never talk to them again. That is not how society is supposed to be. Your heart tells you to do it, so do it. There are 2 people involved in this breakup, and if you read her other thread you will see he has severed all contact with her. Link to comment
Furbys Posted February 8, 2013 Share Posted February 8, 2013 Do not do it. You may think that what you would be doing is a genuine friendly gesture but to him it could be you making an excuse to contact him. If he has asked you to leave him alone then you must respect that. You may think it will be a nice gesture for him but ultimately you could upset him. It will come accross as selfish. Link to comment
Jas de spaz Posted February 8, 2013 Share Posted February 8, 2013 Me and my ex ended ok i guess he just no longer loves me after almost a 3 year realtionship.. but after 3 weeks of being broken up came up his birthday so i did sent him a card i just wrote To .... Happy 19th birthday! have an amazing day & may all your wishes come true Jasmine he sent me a text the next day saying thankyou... so it was ok for me to send it.. it depends on your terms ect. Link to comment
HeartGoesOn Posted February 8, 2013 Share Posted February 8, 2013 Don't listen to the people that think that an ex is an ex and you should never talk to them again. That is not how society is supposed to be. Everyone has a right to voice their opinion, therefore it's not your place to decide who the OP may or may not listen to. OP...The majority of the time, wishing an ex a happy birthday is an excuse to contact them. I would concentrate on moving forward, and healing, as well. Link to comment
FreeFallFeelin Posted February 9, 2013 Share Posted February 9, 2013 There should be a sticky post on this topic because it gets asked so much - "should I send a happy birthday/holidays/graduation/get well message to my ex?" The debate always rolls on, and 9 time out of 10 the person that does send a message ends up regretting it because they don't get the response they secretly hoped for, or they get no response at all. That leaves a person feeling even more rejected, and like they've sold themselves out rather than having stayed strong and stayed away. It can push you backwards, and it it is a missed opportunity to send the strongest message you have right now, and that message is SILENCE. Then the dumpee's birthday rolls around and they (I did it too) wait anxiously all day to see if the ex is going to reach out and wish them well. Most of the time it never comes. It's one of those moments in the healing process where you realize that the ex meant it when they left. They aren't coming back, and they don't want to be best friends. Link to comment
kz91 Posted February 9, 2013 Share Posted February 9, 2013 I was thinking about doing this but then I thought she doesn't deserve **** from me! Link to comment
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