diane0620 Posted February 4, 2013 Share Posted February 4, 2013 I have been dating someone for 7 months now. During this time he admitted to dating other people, and it didn't sit right with me considering we spent a lot of time together and were having sex. I gave him an option for us to be friends without sex or to pursue steps towards a relationship. I told him if we were going to be friends then I would be moving on to date other like minded people. He is 44 and I am 40. It seemed like we were moving in the right direction, we spent more time together and I attended functions with his family. The last function I attended was a basketball game with his two grand kids. I was sick with the flu and I ended up getting him sick and his grand daughter sick. I knew I was sick before I went and so did he, but I selfishly didn't want to decline the invitation. I was eager to spend time with them. The entire week he was sick, I attempted to bring him soup, medicine, etc. but he declined. I called him everyday he was sick, and he missed worked two days. The grand daughter also missed school two days. Fast Forward, on Saturday I text him and he said he was doing better, that was the end of communication. I became so frustrated that I decided not to reach out on Sunday, because I figured he was using this time to get readjusted to his normal routine. I don't know what to do, its been 10 days since I have seen him or talk to him in depth. The first 3 days I was sick and the other 5 days he was sick. 2 days I guess were recovery. Should I just move on or wait to see if he reaches out again after he fully recovers? It seemed like everything was coming together before this happened and I really feel guilty for making them sick. It seems like a huge setback. Link to comment
EssexMan Posted February 4, 2013 Share Posted February 4, 2013 When did this dating of other people happen? Early on, or throughout the seven months? Link to comment
diane0620 Posted February 4, 2013 Author Share Posted February 4, 2013 Throughout the 7 months. We never were exclusive. He said he has a problem with commitment. Link to comment
SapphireNoir10 Posted February 4, 2013 Share Posted February 4, 2013 He shouldn't resent you for making him and his grandaughter sick. Germs do go round. Theres no guarantee it was from you. Any man that would end it over getting an illness off you isn't worth your time. Link to comment
SapphireNoir10 Posted February 4, 2013 Share Posted February 4, 2013 Maybe take this as an 'out'. Why waste precious time on someone who does not want to commit to you? Link to comment
EssexMan Posted February 4, 2013 Share Posted February 4, 2013 He does sound like he has commitment issues if he would date you regularly for seven months without being exclusive. I think your choices are either (a) to give him one more chance to choose from those two options - just friends, or moving toward a relationship - or (b) to leave him behind altogether. Carrying on like this indefinitely isn't going to work. Link to comment
Braveheart1 Posted February 4, 2013 Share Posted February 4, 2013 If you made him sick and he is mad over that, cut your loses. I would say talk to him and see what he is thinking. It seems like you guys never really had a commitment as in exclusive. Him telling you that he has problems with commitment is just a wash. I'm a guy and had a girl tell me what. That's their ticket to 'getting out and seeing if the grass is greener on the other side' You deserve better. Link to comment
diane0620 Posted February 11, 2013 Author Share Posted February 11, 2013 We have since spent time together and I am no longer concerned about him being sick. He said he was okay and made a few jokes about it, so that's a relief. I asked him yesterday what he wanted to do as far as commitment and he said we shouldn't try to rush it and if I get tired of waiting I have to be strong enough to leave. He then said it's either that or I wear him down and he gives in. He somehow equates exclusive to getting married (no in between). I don't want to be with someone that I have to wear down in order to be with me. He knows that I love him, but where do I find the strength to leave? Have you ever loved somebody so much it makes you cry? Sometimes he says all the right things to make me believe he wants me, and other times it seems like he is emotionally fighting within himself. Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted February 12, 2013 Share Posted February 12, 2013 He's 44. You are wasting your time because you ARE trying to wear him down. He'd rather have sex with you and other women than just you. That's all you need to know. Link to comment
metrogirl Posted February 12, 2013 Share Posted February 12, 2013 If he could easily go 10 days without communicating with you, then he isn't as invested in you as you are in him. Link to comment
EssexMan Posted February 12, 2013 Share Posted February 12, 2013 he said we shouldn't try to rush it and if I get tired of waiting I have to be strong enough to leave I'm afraid he is inviting you to leave if you won't stay on his terms. Link to comment
Heather Dawn Posted February 15, 2013 Share Posted February 15, 2013 He's 44. You are wasting your time because you ARE trying to wear him down. He'd rather have sex with you and other women than just you. That's all you need to know. Yup. And a 44-year-old man with commitment issues is ALWAYS going to have commitment issues. He sounds extremely immature (and the fact that he has a school-age grandchild at only 44, makes me wonder what his past is like. Was he an especially younger father? Is he trying to make up for some lost youth?). Link to comment
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