Anxiety in a non-contact break

[DonDraper32]

Not sure if this is the right forum for this, but I thought I'd give it a shot.

 

-Dated a girl for 8 months. My first real GF. I'm 24 & just starting my career and she's 21 and in her last semester of college.

 

-We almost broke up 2 monthd ago but decided to stick it out and had one of our best weekends together. Then the very next weekend I went down there, she was cold and off standish, and we got in a fight with her telling me she needed space and that we needed a break.

 

-Reluctantly, I went home, assuming we were broken up, and ready to deal with the pain of losing my first love.

 

-For two weeks she continued to text me and call me, asking for pictures of us, and telling me she missed me. But every time I would say "let's just get back together then" she'd say she wasn't ready even though she wanted to be with me.

 

-Last week, we spent two days fighting as bad as we ever have cause a girl wrote on my Facebook wall implying we were going on a date together, and my ex flipped out saying she didn't want our break up to be permanent and was convinced I had lined this girl up while we were together since it happened so soon.

 

-Once she calmed down, I told her I think we should get back together and work on things, as I realized she needed space but that we could do it together. She disagreed and said things would be the same. I then suggested we break up and go out separate ways then, and she didn't want that either cause she doesn't want to lose me.

 

-What we settled on was one week of No Contact, which is a lot since we talked all day everyday. After that we'd see where we stand, but we both seemed optimistic about it.

 

-She chatted me the next day, but it was brief and about a work thing (I'm a writer and she read a story I posted and wanted to let me know about a typo on it). We agreed it didn't count and that this Thursday is when we'll reconnect.

 

-Basically, I'm just nervous. It's been three days and am afraid to get my hopes up for Thursday. A part of me thinks that her missing me is just what I needed, but I'm also worried about this being her way of weening herself off of me and that come Thursday, we'll be done for good. I know she'll tell me she always wants me to be a part of her life, but I can't do that if we're not dating. I could also see her saying she needs more time, but that would just be her continuing to pull me along on a string.

 

Any advice? I know there's nothing I can do and I won't break NC before Thursday, but I just hate this. Right now my plan is to prepare for the worst, and if she's not ready to get back together, be prepare to walk for good. I'm nervous I won't follow that though and will beg her to stay or get back together. I've done that a few times during our fights and it's never ended well.

[anon3838]

I'm not really sure I can be any help to you. It sounds like there's an underlying issue for the both of you. You want things to be this way and she wants them to be another. It's difficult to tell. Maybe you guys have put too much pressure on yourselves and trying to make it work is causing this friction. I think you both need to talk openly and discuss what you want out of the relationship and life. Try to go from there. See if you two can make things work and if it doesn't then get out of there. It's not the end.

[DonDraper32]

So if on Thursday she says nothing's changed and she doesn't want to be with me just yet, but also doesn't want to lose me, what do I say? How do I respond?

[abitbroken]

A week is not long enough. If you decided to "stick things out" after only 6 months of relationship - are you guys really compatible? I know she is your first girlfriend, but it doesn't mean you should force the relationship. There will be others. If you are already asking for space, its not good.

[abitbroken]

So if on Thursday she says nothing's changed and she doesn't want to be with me just yet, but also doesn't want to lose me, what do I say? How do I respond?

 

What do you want? Have you thought about things or are you just waiting for her answer and will do what she says? Are you really happy in this relationship?