What to Make of my Best Friend's Actions

[RealCity19]

I was best friends with a girl for 4 years, 8 years total as friends. We were both in love at some point but always at the wrong time. She fell in love with me first and I told her it wasn't best at the time as I was getting over a long relationship. We did start sleeping together in this time, and it was very, very good. We both admitted it was the best sex we had ever had and we talked about it all of the time, even when she was dating her current boyfriend. We started growing distant, she started dating and I started dating and I realized how much I loved her and how much not having her in my life hurt. All of our mutual friends say deep down she still loves me and that we are soulmates, but she doesn't have the courage to break up with her boyfriend. I broke up with my girlfriend a couple of months ago because I knew I didn't love her.

 

It's been a little over a year and anytime we talk she asks if we can work on our friendship, I tell her it's not what is best for me right now as it still pains me to see her with someone else and that I still love her. We maybe talk like once every two months. We both admit we still consider each other best friends through all of this and our friendship is not supposed to end now and we both always say I love you, when we hang up it's always hope to hear from you soon, and most importantly we always laugh...a lot. Well, literally everytime we talk, two days later she posts on facebook how happy she is to be doing something with her current boyfriend(it is always two days later...always.) She never posts things like that on facebook any other time, always two days later from our conversation. The part about that is she used to always make fun of posts like that saying no one cares about that and gag etc. I never give her a reaction, but I don't know what to make of it. It has probably happened like 10 times by now.

 

What should I make of that and what are her motives based on this?

[wowor]

I think it's clear you've got some strong feelings for her right now, but she's in something. Seeing as how situations like this in your shared past hadn't prevented you two from exploration, I would move forward with putting your heart out there.

 

Ask her to coffee and then try to bring up how you want to strengthen the existing friendship. Propose the idea and see how she takes to it. If she's willing to schedule things ahead of plans with her current boyfriend, then you should be okay. Go slow and see where it leads. If you guys ever end up sleeping together again, bring up exploring an exclusive relationship with her. Cite your past.

 

As for her motivation for FB posting, maybe it is her way to deal with your inability to be available to her in the past. I'd say this is a hurdle you both can overcome with an honest revealing of intentions.

[abitbroken]

Because you have strong feelings and have had a sexual relationship, you cannot be her friend while she is in a relationship. The only appropriate friendship is one where you would also be introduced to her boyfriend and hang with them as a couple. I think you need to be honest with her and tell her that you can't be a friend. You still have strong feelings that gets in the way of a friendship. You need to cut off contact with her to heal. If she should become single again, she can look you up and if you are available thats one thing but always in relationships where there is so much bad timing - two people really didn't want it enough to make it work because you would have been together if so.

 

If she's willing to schedule things ahead of plans with her current boyfriend, then you should be okay

 

very bad idea. going out with a guy alone knowing that he loves you and wants to be with you is basically a date, no? Or if not, it will feel like being led on. Or if her feelings have died, it is just an ego stroke for her. She should never schedule plans with the OP ahead of her boyfriend. Don't lead yourself on.

 

The FB posts may or may not be a coincidence, but right now you are reading everything like its a message to you - you are grasping on to hope.

[Cope and Hope]

 

The FB posts may or may not be a coincidence, but right now you are reading everything like its a message to you - you are grasping on to hope.

 

This is really all you need to know.