stonecutters93 Posted January 30, 2013 Share Posted January 30, 2013 A few background details. Been dating my current girlfriend for just under 2 months now. We're both crazy about each other, we talk all day and we see each other anywhere from 2-5 times a week depending how everything works out. We're both very similar people, we have tons in common and everything feels so amazing and comfortable being with her. However with every new relationship comes that point where you always have a few talks about certain things. Ours the other day was how affectionate I am. My girlfriend told me that she loves how affectionate I am (I'm a very affectionate person) but wants to tone it down when we're in front of her parents and when we're out. In her words she was getting a little uncomfortable with it, and I told her I never in my life want to make her feel uncomfortable and that I completely understand how she feels, and that I would save the affection for our alone time. My problem is I don't want to cut it back to the point where she'll think I'm not interested anymore. Because I'm very affectionate I'm a little scared she'll think I've lost interest in her, but also a little scared that if I don't pull it back then it'll make her very uncomfortable and I'll start to push her away. I'm crazy about this girl, I'm just very new in this relationship and I'm seeking advice! Thanks for any input! Link to comment
Mavh25 Posted January 30, 2013 Share Posted January 30, 2013 She's actually ASKED you to tone it down just in front of her parents. If you do this, and then she complains that she feels you're uninterested, then shes being unreasonable and whiney. Link to comment
engraved2008 Posted January 30, 2013 Share Posted January 30, 2013 She's actually ASKED you to tone it down just in front of her parents. If you do this, and then she complains that she feels you're uninterested, then shes being unreasonable and whiney. Some people are just more affectionate than others.I never complained about it.Is there something else maybe ? Link to comment
and so it goes Posted January 30, 2013 Share Posted January 30, 2013 Yikes - I'm asking you to tone it down too. PDA is not cool. Are you sure it is affection and not "ownership" you are displaying. Whenever I see a guy all over some girl in public, I always wonder if he isn't showing off, or warning away others. and yeah, don't be doing it in front of her parents - definitely not cool. You shouldn't need to be told that nugget of truth. Link to comment
SapphireNoir10 Posted January 30, 2013 Share Posted January 30, 2013 Just cut down the PDA's and being like that infront of her parents. You can still be affectionate and nice in private. She'll just be glad you've listened and respected her feelings. Link to comment
Capricorn3 Posted January 30, 2013 Share Posted January 30, 2013 I don't see a problem either. Simply do as she asked - cut down the PDA and in front of her parents. That's all. When you're together, then just be yourself (just no need to smother her to death). Link to comment
shellyf62 Posted January 30, 2013 Share Posted January 30, 2013 She didnt say stop, just tone it down. What do you actually class as being affectionate? What are you doing to her in front of her parents that is the issue? Link to comment
abitbroken Posted January 30, 2013 Share Posted January 30, 2013 I would not like my boyfriend to put his hands on my rear or in my pockets, french kiss me, kissing all over my face or anything like that in front of my folks. We are very affectionate towards eachother. But hanging on eachother in front of our folks is not cool and disrespectful. The most we do is hold hands. he mightput his arm around me when sitting on the sofa/arm on the back of the sofa but that is the absolute extent of it. Link to comment
HeatherB Posted January 30, 2013 Share Posted January 30, 2013 Shift some of the physical affection to verbal affection when in public. Hold hands and lean over and whisper in her ear. "I love you." "Proud to be seen with you." "Your butt looks so great in those jeans." etcetera Link to comment
Cope and Hope Posted January 30, 2013 Share Posted January 30, 2013 Shift some of the physical affection to verbal affection when in public. Hold hands and lean over and whisper in her ear. "I love you." "Proud to be seen with you." "Your butt looks so great in those jeans." etcetera Don't do any of this. In public just have some self control. I'm not sure why you feel the need to be super affectionate in front of her parents to begin with, that in itself is an entirely different question though. Link to comment
abitbroken Posted January 30, 2013 Share Posted January 30, 2013 I think some of this will wear off being that the relationship is two months old..but that being said there is "private behavior" and "behavior in front of relatives>" Link to comment
stonecutters93 Posted January 31, 2013 Author Share Posted January 31, 2013 Thanks for all the replies everyone, I'm still new to the relationship part and I know I have a lot to learn. What I normally did around her parents/when we were out was just hold her (putting my hand on her back or her leg), give her a quick kiss every once in awhile or a hug. I didn't think it was too bad but I understand where she's coming from and I want to respect her feelings. Thanks again! Link to comment
abitbroken Posted January 31, 2013 Share Posted January 31, 2013 Thanks for all the replies everyone, I'm still new to the relationship part and I know I have a lot to learn. What I normally did around her parents/when we were out was just hold her (putting my hand on her back or her leg), give her a quick kiss every once in awhile or a hug. I didn't think it was too bad but I understand where she's coming from and I want to respect her feelings. Thanks again! Hands off the legs in front of parents and in public. That is a little too intimate, may be uncomfortable for them to watch, as well as if you considered touching her stomach. HOLDING her hand is fine and great = gentlemanly and acceptable so long as you are doing it when you are actually sitting together and are not doing it to the extent that she can't butter her bread or take a sip of her drink. Don't steal a quick kiss in front of her folks, either at this point. If you have only been going out a short time and must keep touching their daughter, they will feel you are very grabby and maybe a bit clingy. Or overly sexual with her so early. When you are with her folks, focus on getting to know her folks. Be polite to them. One thing to steal a quick kiss if you are at her folks house for 3 days, but if you only are seeing them a short time, you can use some self control. Link to comment
Perrin83 Posted February 1, 2013 Share Posted February 1, 2013 Yikes - I'm asking you to tone it down too. PDA is not cool. Are you sure it is affection and not "ownership" you are displaying. Whenever I see a guy all over some girl in public, I always wonder if he isn't showing off, or warning away others. and yeah, don't be doing it in front of her parents - definitely not cool. You shouldn't need to be told that nugget of truth. There is nothing wrong with reasonable PDA. Most people would call it passion. Out of curiosity, were your parents affectionate with each other while you were growing up? Link to comment
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