What Happened to me and the Way that I feel about myself??

[ComputerWizzz]

Last Year I was really confident borderline cocky but I was always taught to be humble and so I always kept myself in check. I met a really good looking girl and we went back to my place that night and dated for about 4 months. She always told me that the things she liked about me were my face, and sometimes my personality. She would tell me things like you look the same in the morning when you first wake up thats how I know I have a good looking guy, and send me texts that she thought I was very good looking. She was my first love and guys were always hitting on her and I was really jealous. We eventually broke up and she was with another dude within 2 weeks then tried to get back with me a month later saying that she thinks about me everyday, and wants to do whatever it takes but I told her It would't work. Once I said that She started saying things like she said "I dont find you attractive at all", "What the h*** was I thinking dating you", "you'd be suprised what people think of you". One time she a female friend of mine (that she never knew I was friends with) was talking to her and I came up in the conversation and my friend knowing the things she said about me asked "Do you think he's good looking" and my ex answered "yes he's good looking." Then once she found out that girl was my friend she texted me assuming I sent my female friend (but I didn't) saying I don't think your attractive and don't ever contact me again and I had no clue why. Then I got to thinking maybe she was lying and only said that I was good looking bc she thought that girl liked me but once she find out it was my friend she told the truth. As you can tell my insecurity is really high after my involvement with her, and I know I shouldn't have let it get to me but it did and Im not confident anymore, and kind of feel lost and lonley. Even though she said all those positive things when we dated, I dont know what to believe I mean did she really not find me attractive. If so why did she come back with me the first night and why did we hit it off so well and start a relationship so fast. Why am I so insecure now I want to get back to the person I was before I met her. What should I do? What Happened to me? Why would She say those things? How can I get back to my old self???

 

P.S- Its been over a year and I still feel insecure, and lack confidence all because of her, she was my first love and first relationship partner, but she had previously been in multiple relationships. And its not that I want her back because I don't at all, I just don't understand where her hate for me came from.

[pl3asehelp]

Dude, pretty simple. You rejected her so she's sour grapes - there's no truth behind it at all. If she really thought those negative things about you, she wouldn't have wanted to get back together with you.

 

Confidence comes from you, not from validation and feedback you get from other people. Since her words affected you so much, I'd venture to say you were not confident to begin with - cocky and confident are 2 completely different and opposite things, though most people, particularly women, get them confused. All you have to do is like yourself, be happy with who you are, and value yourself despite what ANYONE tells you - that's what real confidence is.

[beaton]

She wanted to get back with you and you turned her down. Who knows what her issues are but she probabaly has baggage from past relationships and the rejection triggered an urge to hurt you back. She hates you because she was hurt and angry.

It's affecting you so heavily because, as you said, she was your first real relationship so you put a lot of stake in her opinion of you.

 

To get back where you were? Start from 0. Let go of her opinion-- it is only her opinion and it was laced with hurt feelings from a breakup. It is obsolete. Stop thinking about yourself and what people think of you. Place your focus on improving your way of thinking by doing things that are good for the soul, like volunteering, creative stuff, working out. You will feel better. Her feelings toward you do not reflect how you were when you were together and do not reflect the person you are now.

[In the Dark]

Probably irrational logic from the relationship and her manipulation.

Someone who appeared to love you can turn their opinion of you on a dime if they are flaky.

 

There is no information about why the relationship broke up and who may have caused it.

Don't not make the sentimental fact she was your first love make her any more special than the next person.

The significance of the crap she is saying now is nothing since she is no longer with you.

 

It may take time to snap out of it and comprehend it without irrational though depending on when you had broke up with her.