How do I heal when we have kids?

[Nattersmatter]

Just did an online calculation regarding the child maintenance and based on his wage (presuming it is right) the £340 per month is correct.

 

Correct based only on what has been DISCLOSED.

 

Once a solicitor's appointed, you'll get to see copies of all his bank and c/card statements going back 6 months to a year. If therein there are any suspicious indications whatsoever that money may have been cached, statements going back another year can be demanded.

 

You need to find out from his work colleagues/boss whether sales commission and bonuses are ever paid cash in hand.

 

xoxo

[Nattersmatter]

By the way - what possessions of value has C failed to move out of the house yet?

 

xoxo

[Supersarahp]

Home retention is where people call up to cancel their home insurance and you have to retain their business basically. He used to get better bonuses but then they changed the targets. He gets a basic and makes approx £300 bonus each month (net) average wage about £1600

 

Our rent plus bills is about £1100 per month. He paid £950 into Barclays and I paid £250 in. I got the child benefit and my wage and some child tax credit total about £1100 (based on part time wage - I only actually worked full time for 2 months).

 

He paid anything to do with the car and I bought all the food. Anything else we just worked out as we went along. Like whoever had the spare cash at the time paid it (he was always skint though and saying he had no money left) it wasn't a massively strict system because if he bought some food I did not reimburse him and sometime I put the petrol in the car etc.

 

I have sent my third text to him today regarding the council tax. I will be seeing him on tues morning to hand the kids over so will ask him what he is doing about it then too. I will have at least spoken to a solicitor by then.

 

He has not taken anything from the house except the car and a tv (really old one and he asked me first) he kept referring to the car as "my car" until I told him it is not his car it is our car. He said "well I have made all the payments on it". I said it doesn't matter and that everything we own is ours jointly. I said I didn't mind him having the car (it cost £3k 2 years ago) as long as I can keep all the furniture and he said yes.

 

One thing he did was this. The night we had the row I loaned him my blackberry because he had smashed his phone. I had a new phone by then and the blackberry sim was completely deactivated - I loaned it to him to so he could have some music while he did his exercise. Then we had the big row and he left. The next time I saw him I asked for my blackberry back but he said he lost it. I don't believe that at all but he insisted.

[Nattersmatter]

What I'm trying to establish is what his commission is per sale (or in this case, re-sale), as well as, what PROOF you've seen that he makes only £300 bonus/mth and ONLY £300. I mean - wife and 3 kids and he brings in only (allegedly) £1,600 per month? Why wasn't he trying to supplement his income with, say, bar work a couple of evenings a week?

 

But anyway - if we were to believe him: he puts in £950, you put in £250, leaving you each (allegedly) with, £650 and you with £850. He pays for non-frequent things like the car (for one person) whilst you pay for NON-STOP REPETITIVE things like groceries and toiletries (for 5 people). Five people's food, toiletries, medicines (and kids' haircuts) per week? What does that come to per week? Cos, totted up over 52 weeks, it sure as hell is going to be more expensive than keeping the car on the road (insurance, tax, OCCASIONAL petrol, annual service, MOT, very occasional oil and windscreen wash fluid, occasional tyre changes) divided into 12 months! By my reckoning (second-hand car), that would amount to about £1,500 per year, equating to a monthly amount of roughly £125 per month to him. That's WAY less than shopping for 5 people, Sarah. And I'm assuming (because eezamaan) that his occasional food-buying meant about 3 items per time (let's say £25/mth) whereas your filling the car with petrol would be about £50 or more per time?

 

...And the rest you just, quote, worked out as you went along...whoever had spare cash at th- YOU!

 

What's he been doing with the other £525 per month, then, as left him so "skint"? (Is that amount about right? My maths is cer-ap!)

 

 

If I were you, I'd email this AHEAD of Tuesday, preferably right now:

 

Just to again remind you - before you come on Tuesday to collect the kids - that you still owe me £x council tax reimbursement. Presume you will have it with you, in cash?

 

I'll ensure to have the kids ready.

 

Thanks.

 

(You're not going to hold the kids to ransom but there's no harm via loaded semantics in making him believe you would in order to get him to cough up. He'd find it believeable because it's what types like him would do.)

 

Glad you'll get to keep all the furniture. However, that's just what he's SAYING. We might see a different situation come the Chattels-division stage. However, you can just say, No, no, no, no and no, to any requests placed at that point.

 

No, I don't believe he lost the blackberry, either. Can a blackberry be cancelled like a mobile phone?

 

xoxo

[Nattersmatter]

Anyway, back to what he's left behind. Is there anything you could sell on E-bay (CD collection, that sort of thing) in case he won't cough up that council tax dosh?

 

xoxo

[Supersarahp]

He has not left any of his personal effects behind at all.

 

There is nothing here that belongs solely to him. He spent his money really fast every month on clothes for himself and toys for the kids- I don't know really. He did pay for trips away for us sometimes and things like that but they were one offs. He always moaned that I had more money each month than he did and I always said that I buy the food. It came up again and again.

[Supersarahp]

My mil is coming to pick the kids up in half an hour as she is taking them to school in the morning. She was gonna be picking them up as well but my mum said she wanted to as she won't see them otherwise so I text mil to say that and she did not reply which is a sure sign she is not happy (big on communication his family!!).

When she comes I might tell her that C has stolen my money - not sure. Will see how it goes.

 

Oh yes and the blackberry was on a contract but I upgraded to an iPhone so the blackberry itself was working but would have needed a new sim.

[Supersarahp]

I am so so so angry right now you wouldn't believe - I am seething.

 

Had a big go at C about the money thing - I didn't shout or anything just really told him what I thought. Unfortunately the kids were there which is not good but as he refuses to discuss anything and I only see him at handover it was kind of unavoidable.

 

Here is what happened:

 

So both he and his mum came to fetch the kids (bloody wimp couldn't even come by himself - he knew I would ask him about the money)

 

So the conversation went:

 

Me: have you got that money for me?

 

C: I had to give it to my mum for bills.

 

Me: oh ok so when are you going to give me the money that you owe me as I need it to pay the council tax?

 

C: I left the house on 4th Jan and that bill is for 4th Jan - 31st March.

 

Me: I am not asking you to pay the bill I am asking for at least half the refund you received for the money we paid when we were together.

 

C: I left on 4th Jan - I don't have to pay any of the bills after that date.

 

Me: we paid the 12 months council tax together and you have had a refund for 3 months of some money that we paid together so you owe me half that refund. You don't seem to understand .

 

C: no you don't understand . (And he had a massive smirk on his face) I have my own bills to pay.

 

Me: why are you smiling - you think it's funny to steal from your wife and kids?

 

C: I left on 4th Jan - that bill is yours.

 

Me: so you aren't giving me the refund ?

 

C: no

 

Me: ok then well we'll see.

 

His mum, Lauren and Joe were in the car but Liam was refusing to get in.

 

Lauren piped up: just take him to court mum they will make him pay it to you,

 

I told her not to worry and that we were just sorting it out.

 

Me: I want my money - they refunded that money back into our joint account.

 

C: it isn't a joint account - it is a bills account .

 

Me: that account was supposed to be in both our names and they made a mistake and you know it. You are nothing but a thief and you think it is funny . Well it is disgusting. You owe me that money. You said your mum had to beg your dad for money that was rightfully hers and you are now doing the same to me. Taking food out of your children's mouths - I don't know how you can sleep at night. You have surprised me a lot this past month but I never imagined you would be a thief.

 

C: can we concentrate on getting Liam into the cat instead of you insulting me?

 

Me: well I wanted you to discuss this away from the kids but you refused so you have created this scenario. I'm not insulting you - you have stolen my money - that is a fact - the truth hurts.

 

I got in the car next to his mum while he spoke to Liam.

 

I said to his mum:

 

Me: I am sorry about this in front of you and the kids but I need that money. He has stolen it from me. He promised me the council tax was covered until April and I am not asking him to pay the bill after the date he left but he has had the money we paid together refunded and half of that money is mine.

 

Mil: yeah yeah half the refund .

 

Me: does it make sense to you? Do you understand where I am coming from cos maybe you can explain it to him.

 

Mil nodded.

 

Me: I could have told him he could not have the car cos half of it is mine - I could have stopped him taking it but I didn't because I wanted to be fair and amicable and reasonable. I am not asking for one penny from him that does not belong to me.

 

Mil: yeah I know. I know it is really difficult.

 

Me: it's not difficult it's illegal.

 

So I got out of the car and C got in and I said goodbye to the kids.

 

I said to C: I don't think you are a thief so just think it through. I just want what is rightfully mine.

 

C: ok I will think it through (great big smirk)

 

Argggggh he is such a tosspot! I wish I didn't say all that in front of the kids but it had to be said. I hope C and his mum won't be able to use it against me.

 

I didn't shout or swear or anything like that but I did lay it on thick but end of the day he is trying to steal from me. Grrrrr - gonna ring solicitors and legal advice lines and whatever else I can get my hands on tomorrow on my breaks at work .

 

I am so so so fuming. He is a completely different person to the one I thought I knew. I wish I could be a fly on the wall at his mums house tonight.

 

So have I royally effed everything up?

[MissMetamatics]

Hello, and thank you for responding to my post. I do not have kids with my soon to be ex husband. We tried and I had 4 miscarriages.

 

However, with your situation I would say limit your contact to your kids, finances and keep that conversation to a minimal. Don't ask him how he is doing or if he asks you say "good or fine". I think the less they know about your life and you know about theirs the easier it'll make healing.

 

I think it would be awesome if you and I could offer support and help each other through this nightmare of a situation we have been going through.

[Supersarahp]

Thanks miss metamatics. I don't feel any warmth whatsoever towards my husband at the moment. The way he has behaved since he left has knocked any feeling I may have had for him out of me. He is being a supreme tosser. Gonna try to get some legal advice tomorrow .

 

Was it expensive contacting a solicitor/ filing for divorce?

[Supersarahp]

Ok so I FINALLY got a solicitor's appointment.

 

I rang about 7 different firms - was a nightmare. I spoke to a woman in work who just got divorced and she recommended one. I rang them and they can't deal with me because C is already on their books! Bloody swine. I should have called a solicitor weeks ago (nattermatters : "told you so" - I know I know!)

 

Spoke to another one and they don't do legal aid (I think I may be entitled to some help - not sure). Spoke to another one - got put through and ended up with a voicemail. Spoke to another one and they have no appointments until 7th March. Spoke to another one and finally got the appointment for this Thursday at 11 am.

 

They are giving me a 30 minute free consultation. They are going to work out if I am entitled to any legal aid help. I really hope I am.

 

I feel like pants at the moment. I am so worried. I don't know why really. I am glad I have the appointment - making some progress. He is obviously getting legal advice too so that makes me think maybe he is right about the council tax? Surely he has checked it out? Oh well I will speak to my solicitor on Thurs! Ooh I have a solicitor now! My parents told me that if I can't get legal aid they will help me with the money side of it anyway.

 

I just feel drained by the whole thing at the moment. The whole confrontation with him last night and his attitude. The whole thing seems so surreal. I never thought it would come to this. I can't bear to look at him at the moment. I really really tried to avoid it being like this. I thought no matter what we would at least be able to sit down sensibly and sort things out fairly. Sigh. I feel so emotionally drained. It is like I am outside of my body watching it all going on and I am going to wake up soon and it will all be a dream.

 

Still - it is positive as well. His attitude last night pushed me to make this appointment. I am more likely to get legal aid than he is. The woman at work I spoke to said her husband had been exactly the same. She said "C has got a few shocks coming to him". I said I felt so mad and she said "Don't get mad get even".

 

I am a worrier I guess. Will try to let go of it a bit and just follow the right procedures to make sure he doesn't screw me over.

 

One other thing that occurred to me!

 

His mum lives in a housing association flat. It is an over 50's complex. So surely if he is claiming to be paying her rent then they are breaking the law??

My mum told me something interesting too. She said that when Lauren was over with her the other day Lauren said that the man in the flat below MIL had been shouting and swearing at them. This guy who lives below has always been rude and grumpy to MIL. I guess he is not enjoying having an extra person living above him and 3 active kids being there every so often! I guess that explains why C is so determined not to give me my money - I would imagine he will be desperately saving to get his own place! Well tough luck - why should I fund his stupid decisions?

 

Checked my bank and the £340 he is paying me has gone in - so thats something I guess. Sigh - another day another development! This is like a rollercoaster ride that never ends.

[Nattersmatter]

He has not left any of his personal effects behind at all.

 

There is nothing here that belongs solely to him. He spent his money really fast every month on clothes for himself and toys for the kids- I don't know really. He did pay for trips away for us sometimes and things like that but they were one offs. He always moaned that I had more money each month than he did and I always said that I buy the food. It came up again and again.

 

Well, wasn't that a giant Scooby clue from the start that he had zero intentions of returning to the marriage???

 

Came up again and again, did it? Despite his claim went against all logic (and, if you'd done it, the maths)? Why, methinks the scoundrel again(eth) was protesteth-ing too much(eth). Pass that little snippet to your solicitor as well.

 

xoxo

[Nattersmatter]

My mil is coming to pick the kids up in half an hour as she is taking them to school in the morning. She was gonna be picking them up as well but my mum said she wanted to as she won't see them otherwise so I text mil to say that and she did not reply which is a sure sign she is not happy (big on communication his family!!).

 

Oh, they constantly communicate, alright. They just don't use the orthodox channels. You have to watch the actions/lack or delay of actions... a bit like yours (courtesy of the infectious habit): "Sorry, mum, but I've already told MIL she can take and collect them and it's a bit 11th hour to cancel her... What about if you do tomorrow/next time?"... bit fat innit. ;-)

 

See, that's their main channel you've just used. MIL got the message loud and clear. You'll undoubtedly be PUNISHED (ooh, we're so scared! in the next however many days for that, you betcha. Keep your eyes peeled for some petty missile or other coming out and over from their sandbags (forewarned is forearmed and all that).

 

When she comes I might tell her that C has stolen my money - not sure. Will see how it goes.

 

LOL, ohhh, I SEEEE, so it's this, is it? - "If you don't make C give back my money I shall be letting my mum/anyone else who pops up at the 11th hour collect the kids instead of you". LOL - fairenoughski... if they don't like it dished they shouldn't dish it, eh.

 

Oh yes and the blackberry was on a contract but I upgraded to an iPhone so the blackberry itself was working but would have needed a new sim.

 

Er............ Does that mean the blackberry has since been remotely rendered inoperable?

 

xoxo

[Nattersmatter]

I am so so so angry right now you wouldn't believe - I am seething.

 

Had a big go at C about the money thing - I didn't shout or anything just really told him what I thought. Unfortunately the kids were there which is not good but as he refuses to discuss anything and I only see him at handover it was kind of unavoidable.

 

Fairenoughski, considering we don't live in an ideal world.

 

Here is what happened:

 

So both he and his mum came to fetch the kids (bloody wimp couldn't even come by himself - he knew I would ask him about the money)

 

Yyyyup! And the reason she agreed to accompany him was because you gave your mum her kid time.

 

So the conversation went:

 

Me: have you got that money for me?

 

C: I had to give it to my mum for bills.

 

LIE!!! And anyway - so WHAT. It was YOUR money. If he "needs" to give his mother (pff) money for bills he can use his OWN damn money! (Confirm this conversation in an email and keep it saved for solicitor-copying/showing purposes.)

 

Me: oh ok so when are you going to give me the money that you owe me as I need it to pay the council tax?

 

C: I left the house on 4th Jan and that bill is for 4th Jan - 31st March.

 

Me: I am not asking you to pay the bill I am asking for at least half the refund you received for the money we paid when we were together.

 

C: I left on 4th Jan - I don't have to pay any of the bills after that date.

 

(Oh, yes, you do, pal.)

 

Me: we paid the 12 months council tax together and you have had a refund for 3 months of some money that we paid together so you owe me half that refund. You don't seem to understand .

 

C: no you don't understand . (And he had a massive smirk on his face) I have my own bills to pay.

 

The reason he has (alleged) bills to pay is directly down to him and his free will choices and only him and his free will choices. It's not your problem.

 

Me: why are you smiling - you think it's funny to steal from your wife and kids?

 

GOOD FOR YOU!

 

And, yes, he does think it's funny. He thinks he's scoring a huge point off you which is in punishment for the fact you were supposed to sit quietly and smilingly like a good little slave whilst he had his carte blanche marriage holiday (after which he'd either have come home again, satisfied, or walked off into the sunset with the first woman he deemed better for him and his need to have total power and exploitatability over her), you cow, you.

 

But he doesn't realise that it's going to prove an own goal. In which case, Sarah, worry not... Goes around = Comes around, both financially via human hands and then, later/at the optimum moment, Fate's hand.

 

C: I left on 4th Jan - that bill is yours.

 

Me: so you aren't giving me the refund ?

 

C: no

 

Me: ok then well we'll see.

 

His mum, Lauren and Joe were in the car but Liam was refusing to get in.

 

I'm not suprised. Kids don't have years of complications-mist on their goggles. They see it exactly like it is. "I'm not getting in that car with that git, ugh".

 

Lauren piped up: just take him to court mum they will make him pay it to you,

 

GAFFAW-GAFFAW, your daughter has got one incredible head on her shoulders!

 

More to the point, though... See the "comes around" Part Uno coming round already? His kids are going to absolutely despise him, and by CHOICE, not because of you "poisoning their minds-yadder-yadder" (the usual male blame-dodging accusation). They..AIN'T...shtoopid. Sad for him that he thinks they are.

 

I told her not to worry and that we were just sorting it out.

 

Me: I want my money - they refunded that money back into our joint account.

 

C: it isn't a joint account - it is a bills account .

 

Me: that account was supposed to be in both our names and they made a mistake and you know it. You are nothing but a thief and you think it is funny . Well it is disgusting. You owe me that money. You said your mum had to beg your dad for money that was rightfully hers and you are now doing the same to me. Taking food out of your children's mouths - I don't know how you can sleep at night. You have surprised me a lot this past month but I never imagined you would be a thief.

 

Yes, he is a thief. But he doesn't give a sh*t that he is. He always was. And the only reason he never showed you these twue colours was because up until now he saw that it was in his interests to hide them. He gave it a good long shot but he couldn't keep it up... hence - CRISIS / PLEUGH! / Meltdown and back to the ways good ol' mum taught and taught and taught and taught him. Maxi scum = Mini scum. Maxi actress = Mini actor.

 

C: can we concentrate on getting Liam into the cat instead of you insulting me?

 

...Instead of you telling me like I am and destroying my thus-far carefully crafted public veneer?

 

Me: well I wanted you to discuss this away from the kids but you refused so you have created this scenario. I'm not insulting you - you have stolen my money - that is a fact - the truth hurts.

 

Good for you!

 

I got in the car next to his mum while he spoke to Liam.

 

I said to his mum:

 

Me: I am sorry about this in front of you and the kids but I need that money. He has stolen it from me. He promised me the council tax was covered until April and I am not asking him to pay the bill after the date he left but he has had the money we paid together refunded and half of that money is mine.

 

Mil: yeah yeah half the refund .

 

("Yeah, yeah, yeah - talk to the hand cos the face ain't BOVVERED")

 

Me: does it make sense to you? Do you understand where I am coming from cos maybe you can explain it to him.

 

Mil nodded.

 

Is that all she could manage - a nod? How very telling. Sarah, she doesn't care. She only cares about crimes and injusticies if and when they are directed at HER.

 

Me: I could have told him he could not have the car cos half of it is mine - I could have stopped him taking it but I didn't because I wanted to be fair and amicable and reasonable. I am not asking for one penny from him that does not belong to me.

 

You can still claim half that car, no worries. You'll get it's share value in your final monthly settlement figure, no worries. EVERYTHING he owns up until the Absolut is half yours (and vice versa) and from there, everything he earns is whatever %age yours (half for you and % for the kids - should work out at three quarters).

 

Mil: yeah I know. I know it is really difficult.

 

No, it's not, it's called Just Pay It Back (simple!).

 

Me: it's not difficult it's illegal.

 

(LOL, I should probably try to read ahead before I comment, eh.)

 

So I got out of the car and C got in and I said goodbye to the kids.

 

I said to C: I don't think you are a thief so just think it through. I just want what is rightfully mine.

 

C: ok I will think it through (great big smirk)

 

Next time, say, Wow, if only your friends and boss could see you now, hmm?..... (and appear to be thinking about telling them somehow).

 

Argggggh he is such a tosspot! I wish I didn't say all that in front of the kids but it had to be said. I hope C and his mum won't be able to use it against me.

 

Yes, he is.

 

And - Hardly. As you said, he and ONLY he refused to make it possible to discuss it via the easiest/fastest channel there is (in-person) without witnesses.

 

However, next time - for evidence's sake - do it via email. The FACT you're uncharacteristically using email rather than text will make him stop and think about what he decides to say he'll refuse to do. And then, if having agreed to do something he fails to - you confirm that failure as a follow-up mail. The rule is, if you accuse him of something in an email, he has the perfect ability to refute it - with substantiation. If he fails to, or if his substantiation fails under your dissection of it, that failure is on record.

 

So - again - I stress, you should now email-confirm that conversation by reiterating what you asked for and what he refused and based on what grounds in his mind, a.s.a.p. You should also point out in the email that what should have been a simple request responded to via a simple agreeing to that request, was made a scene due solely and exclusively to his unjust REFUSAL.

 

I didn't shout or swear or anything like that but I did lay it on thick but end of the day he is trying to steal from me. Grrrrr - gonna ring solicitors and legal advice lines and whatever else I can get my hands on tomorrow on my breaks at work .

 

Good. Not legal advice lines, though. You're not looking for temporary one-off advice, you're looking for legal representation for the next 6 months to 2 years (yours and his income/assets, probably only a year max.).

 

I am so so so fuming. He is a completely different person to the one I thought I knew. I wish I could be a fly on the wall at his mums house tonight.

 

Yup!

 

So have I royally effed everything up?

 

Nope! *He* has. Not least because he's already trumped your unavoidable failure to shield your kids from your private marital business with his wholly avoidable, out-loud threat to self-harm and wish to be dead in front of your youngest. (Have you email-confirmed that childish little spectacle of his yet, by the way? Make sure you do - as a priority!)

 

xoxo

[Supersarahp]

I don't have his email address......

[Nattersmatter]

Ok so I FINALLY got a solicitor's appointment.

 

I rang about 7 different firms - was a nightmare. I spoke to a woman in work who just got divorced and she recommended one. I rang them and they can't deal with me because C is already on their books! Bloody swine. I should have called a solicitor weeks ago (nattermatters : "told you so" - I know I know!)

 

LOL, oh-ho-ho-no you don't. *I* get to say told ya so, not you, LOL: "Told ya!" ;-) No, seriously, you've got off your extenuatedly-weighted-down a*se far sooner than most women manage get off theirs, because - and this is the thing - he knew what he was up to thus what was required in order to achieve it, FAR earlier than you.

 

Also, don't forget that Fate has shown itself to be on your side, here. If you've been blocked from getting that particular solicitor, it means there's one that's BETTER for you elsewhere.

 

Spoke to another one and they don't do legal aid (I think I may be entitled to some help - not sure).

 

I imagine you would be.

 

Spoke to another one - got put through and ended up with a voicemail. Spoke to another one and they have no appointments until 7th March. Spoke to another one and finally got the appointment for this Thursday at 11 am.

 

Hooray! Don't let that put you off 'interviewing' the others, though, before you make your final choice. Whomever you choose has GOT to be on the same wavelength as you. There will be enough that's tricky to understand without having to first translate their language into your own language and vice versa.

 

They are giving me a 30 minute free consultation. They are going to work out if I am entitled to any legal aid help. I really hope I am.

 

Even if you're not, even if the solicitor takes his/her fees out of your final settlement, there are loads of ways to keep your costs to an absolute minimum.

 

I feel like pants at the moment. I am so worried. I don't know why really.

 

Because he's shown his twue colours as makes you fear he'll stop at nothing and not stoop as low as a human can go. Doesn't matter. You've got your solicitor and you've got me/this forum. And you're about to get an ARENA IN WHICH UNDER-THE-TABLE-ITIS IS UTTERLY IMPOSSIBLE TO OPERATE BY. He's at a distinct disadvantage to you, now. Why ELSE do you think he's so desperate to score such a petty point over the council tax bill? It's probably the only victory that's left open to him, and he knows it.

 

I am glad I have the appointment - making some progress.

 

Oh, you'll be more than glad once you've had it. You'll be clicking your heels along the pavement. And the best part is, you get that diabolical monkey off your back. Not totally - because you share kids. But there's nothing to stop you at any point implementing the drop-off/collection-mediator plan, is there.

 

He is obviously getting legal advice too so that makes me think maybe he is right about the council tax? Surely he has checked it out? Oh well I will speak to my solicitor on Thurs! Ooh I have a solicitor now! My parents told me that if I can't get legal aid they will help me with the money side of it anyway.

 

He's a liar. We've more than established that. Don't think he won't be lying to his solicitor as well.

 

Wow to your parents, how sweet of them!

 

What are there sentiments about how he's been treating you, btw?

 

I just feel drained by the whole thing at the moment. The whole confrontation with him last night and his attitude. The whole thing seems so surreal. I never thought it would come to this. I can't bear to look at him at the moment. I really really tried to avoid it being like this. I thought no matter what we would at least be able to sit down sensibly and sort things out fairly. Sigh. I feel so emotionally drained. It is like I am outside of my body watching it all going on and I am going to wake up soon and it will all be a dream.

 

I know. It's a head-f***. You think you know someone... You don't, though. [1] It's only TIME that tells and [2] when you're gagging for kids and then are intent on staying sane and contented enough for their sakes, you "fail" to notice certain things (understatement!)... tiny little iceberg tips (as hide a giant of ice underneath) float by inconspicuously..

 

Still - it is positive as well. His attitude last night pushed me to make this appointment.

 

Yep. I call it The Final Insult. No feeling sorry for him NOW, eh.

 

I am more likely to get legal aid than he is. The woman at work I spoke to said her husband had been exactly the same. She said "C has got a few shocks coming to him". I said I felt so mad and she said "Don't get mad get even".

 

Yup. Yup, yup, yup, yupetty-yup.

 

I am a worrier I guess.

 

Are ya?? Who, you??? It really doesn't show. (mwa-ha)

 

Will try to let go of it a bit and just follow the right procedures to make sure he doesn't screw me over.

 

Your solicitor will mainly ensure that....albeit you can certainly help it along. (I for one, am oiling and revving my engine as we speak...)

 

One other thing that occurred to me!

 

His mum lives in a housing association flat. It is an over 50's complex. So surely if he is claiming to be paying her rent then they are breaking the law??

 

There you go, now you're thinking... ;-)

 

My mum told me something interesting too. She said that when Lauren was over with her the other day Lauren said that the man in the flat below MIL had been shouting and swearing at them. This guy who lives below has always been rude and grumpy to MIL. I guess he is not enjoying having an extra person living above him and 3 active kids being there every so often! I guess that explains why C is so determined not to give me my money - I would imagine he will be desperately saving to get his own place!

 

Course. He needs a love nest, too, doesn't he. For him and Mrs "Gosh-so-tired-must-dash-(should-I?-I-don't-know-can't-remember)" and the rest of his harem. Heh-heh... he'd better enjoy it whilst he's got it because after that Nisi and Absolut is in, he won't have two ha'pennies to rub together... and the type of women HE goes for (despite he struck once-in-a-lifetime lucky with you) are the type whose greeting goes like this: "WHO are you (and let me shake your wallet)!".

 

Well tough luck - why should I fund his stupid decisions?

 

Yup.

 

Checked my bank and the £340 he is paying me has gone in - so thats something I guess. Sigh - another day another development! This is like a rollercoaster ride that never ends.

 

Oh, it ends, alright. For you and your kidlets, anyway. ;-)

 

xoxo

[Nattersmatter]

I don't have his email address......

 

Phone his place of work and ask for his work email. That'll do (nicely... if his bosses have remote supervision software whereby they can read every single one of his emails).

 

Otherwise, just type and hand each over in letter form. And if he starts to throw them down onto the ground instead of taking them with him, post them. I doubt he will, though - curiosity is difficult to overcome for even the most patient and emotionally mature among us, meaning, a tw*t like him doesn't stand a chance.

 

xoxo

[Supersarahp]

I ahve his work email because I work in the same place. Hmm not sure about emailling his work email though - its meant for business purposes only. I think I can remember his normal email - it is really weird though so not sure if I have it correct. Will mention it to the solicitor.

[Nattersmatter]

In the meantime, whilst trying to remember, go through this thread and copy/paste all pertinent reports and comments/queries into a typed chronological record. Or just print out the relevant posts and go through them with highlighter pens: yellow for anything that poses as grounds for suspicion and counter-arguments and pink for "To Dos".

 

xoxo

[Supersarahp]

Oh meant to say as well - my parents can't believe it - they are shocked and disgusted by him. They took him in when he had no one else. They are hurt too I guess and they worry about the kids. They are supporting me 100%

[Supersarahp]

What is your opinion on clairvoyants?

[Nattersmatter]

Oh meant to say as well - my parents can't believe it - they are shocked and disgusted by him. They took him in when he had no one else. They are hurt too I guess and they worry about the kids. They are supporting me 100%

 

Excellent. Having that kind of support can make a huge difference.

 

xoxo

[Nattersmatter]

What is your opinion on clairvoyants?

 

Christ, what a question - I'll be here all night.

 

Try this: not the phenomenon itself, just a 'talisman'. People have myriad ways for trying to explain certain otherwise inexplicable things. But I do, thanks to experiences that even my scientific mind cannot explain away, believe that there is far more to life than our very basic senses give us awareness of.

 

Why do you ask?

 

xoxo

[Supersarahp]

Christ, what a question - I'll be here all night.

 

Try this: not the phenomenon itself, just a 'talisman'. People have myriad ways for trying to explain certain otherwise inexplicable things. But I do, thanks to experiences that even my scientific mind cannot explain away, believe that there is far more to life than our very basic senses give us awareness of.

 

Why do you ask?

 

xoxo

 

Welllll - I have always been quite sceptical about such things but my mil has always been really into and claims to have psychic abilities herself. She did predict my 3 children - the sexes and age gaps many years ago among a few other things. Well she always goes to see this woman as well and she swears by her. This woman has told my mil many things over the years that have happened. I had never ever been to anything like that in my life.

 

So anyway after C moved out I was all over the place. Head spinning - not eating or sleeping and I would have done anything to try to feel better. As C was so wushu washy I did not have any idea of any clear direction. So I though sod it I am gonna go see this woman that mil raves about so much. Can't hurt right?

 

I was worried that if the woman asked my name she would put two and two together and make the connection between myself and mil but it didn't happen like that. I didn't tell mil I was going - I didn't tell anyone. I wasn't expecting much but my experience was very weird and did help me a lot in its own way.

 

So I went. I wasn't jumping for joy as you can imagine but I wasn't a wreck either - I think I looked pretty normal so if she picked up anything from looking at me I don't know.

 

I knocked on the door and she said "come in gosh isn't it cold"

She told me to take a seat. There was a pack of normal playing cards and a pad of paper and a pen. She told me to choose any 25 cards, shuffle them and give them to her. I asked if I should look at them and she said do whatever I feel is right. That was my whole entire conversation with her. I picked the cards and handed them to her and I was expecting her to go through this whole spiel about what she was gonna do and how it all worked. She didn't. Literally as soon as she took the cards she looked pointedly at me and said:

 

"You are going to go back to a man but you will regret it"

 

I was taken unaware - I said "sorry?"

 

She said: "I can see there is a split. There will be a reconciliation. You will have the opportunity to give a man a second chance but you will regret it"

 

Well then she reeled off a whole long list of stuff which I wrote down. (I am on the way to work and the list is at home ). What I remember is this:

 

You will go abroad

 

You will go to London

 

Trouble with tax

 

Someone will have a hip replacement

 

You wil go to lunch with someone and be pleased about it.

 

You will be offered an unexpected coach trip - you should go - you will have a fantastic time.

 

You will get very mad and angry - take it easy.

 

A man will always love you but it does not mean you should be together.

 

You will go to a housewarming party.

 

Someone will get double glazing but it will be bad within a week and the company will be uncontactable.

 

You will have magical times with affairs of the heart.

 

You will reach the finals of someone and be very happy about it.

 

You will meet your icon.

 

A child will audition for something and be successful.

 

You will meet an Italian man but you will meet him in this country.

 

There will be an offer of work and if you turn it down you will kick yourself.

 

You will think someone is barking mad - you should listen to them.

 

Someone will be shocked to discover they are pregnant. They will have been having periods the whole time but gaining weight with no reason. You will tell them to do a test and they will be at least 4 months pregnant. They will be shocked but it is good.

 

You will take up yoga.

 

You will gain more power over your house and its a good thing.

 

Your money will improve.

 

September will be good.

 

Hang in there.

 

You have a vision in your mind of how you want things to be. You will get what you want but it won't happen in the way you expect.

 

A man should be careful on a motorbike.

 

You will make a pact with someone but they will let you down at the last minute. Carry on with it - you can do it alone.

 

You will be inspired by something.

 

You will have a thirst for knowledge about something.

 

You will be accused of something but you can bluff your way out of it - you are very clever.

 

You will drop something on your foot.

 

Someone will take you to the opera.

 

There is a man called John.

 

There is a left handed man as well.

 

You will consult a solicitor but it won't go to court.

 

Someone will move to Cornwall.

 

Birds of a feather flock together.

 

You will inherit something.

 

You will light a candle in someone's memory.

 

You will be a bridesmaid.

 

Something you do on a fortnightly basis will be good for you.

 

Tuesdays will be important.

 

You will do something for charity.

 

You will get flowers.

 

You will have cold feet about something - do it anyway.

 

Someone has a respitory problem but it will be put right.

 

You will have some fun - go for it.

 

You will pawn something.

 

There was other stuff but I can't remember it. So yeah weird. Some of it is vague but some is quite specific. Right at the end she said to me: "you are very worried about something. You don't need to worry about it. Hang in there it will work out well."

 

So yeah could all be a load of baloney but I kind if helped me in a way. We will see I guess. She said all that stuff will happen in the next 18months. Some of it happened already (or maybe I am just making it fit - I don't know)

 

I have more power over my house (got the key back)

 

My cousin announced she is moving to Cornwall.

 

Trouble with tax (could be the whole council tax issue with C?)

 

I am going to see a solicitor .

 

I am doing a sponsored slim for charity with my slimming group.

 

My brother in law has a bad back and I asked him about it and he said now they are x raying his hip. (If he has a hip replacement I will freak lol)

 

So yeah strange. I don't know - it made me think that's all.

[Supersarahp]

Oh! Forgot an important one!

 

She said:

 

You will be shocked when someone files for divorce!