Should we put a hold on our plans for other people

[can12]

We have been together 11 years this year. Not engaged but we have talked about eloping. The thing is we had nothing but trouble with our house and are pretty fed up so we have decided to sell our house and when it sells go travelling.

 

These are plans we have only told a select few and in the mean time my partners brother has got engaged and is on about planning the wedding for October (we were planning to go in September if the house had sold).

 

I am already upset about the engagement (which is probably pathetic) because I always thought we would get married but if we say what our 'secret' plans were it seems like we are just trying to steal there thunder. I can't show I'm upset to people because that is just not me.

 

I still thought we would go ahead with our plans but my partner has said would you miss your brothers wedding. The thing is we already knew his Mum was getting married in July 2014 so we were coming back for that but if we wait to travel after his brothers wedding we will also have to wait until after July 2014 and I don't think it is fair to put our lives on hold but am I sounding completely selfish?

 

We haven't had much luck so far and I really thought our travel plans would mean a fresh start doing something we really want to do.

[camus154]

I think you're cramming too much into too little time.

 

Do you really need to get married in September, or is that just because that's when you've decided the house would be sold? And why are your wedding plans so secret?

 

I don't think you need to put your life on hold, but after 11 years together, does your wedding absolutely have to fall within the time range of either your brother-in-law's wedding or his mom's?

[becomingkate]

I think it's really important to be adaptable and make compromises. Why not travel yet come back for important family events? Knowing when the events are make it easier to plan the trip so that you're not too far away to come back.

[abitbroken]

Does traveling mean leaving the country for a year or does it mean taking trips here and there? I would definitely attend the weddings and work them into your travel plans. You don't have to leave the country immediately. Also, you won't steal your brother's thunder so long as you don't have a giant elaborate wedding where out of town guests might have to choose which to go to in such a short time. Eloping - fine. So get the house sold, get married, go to the brother's wedding - travel from November through whatever time allows you to thoroughly be present and enjoy the pre wedding festivities and pre planning for mom and then go some more.

[redswim30]

Elope- Life is short. There is never a "perfect" moment to do anything. You could wait another year and maybe someone else is getting married or a parent gets sicks, etc. And if you truly are eloping- you can do it quickly, inexpensively, and with ease.

 

Don't worry about "stealing anyone's thunder"- I think any adult who actually believes in this is ridiculous. Timing isn't always going to be perfectly in synch with everyone else's plans. Don't live your life according to others.

[lady00]

I think you're cramming too much into too little time.

 

Do you really need to get married in September, or is that just because that's when you've decided the house would be sold? And why are your wedding plans so secret?

 

I don't think you need to put your life on hold, but after 11 years together, does your wedding absolutely have to fall within the time range of either your brother-in-law's wedding or his mom's?

 

I am also wondering the same things.

[lady00]

Also, if you really want to elope, I don't see any reason not to do that at any time that is convenient for you. The good thing about that would be that you do not need to worry about planning a wedding and whether other people will be able to make it and then you can have a celebration of it with close friends and family whenever you want to at some later date.