In great dispear, disowned by my family because I inherited an estate.

[pitstop]

I am so distraught. My entire family has disowned me and branded me a thief, liar and betrayer because i was given an estate belonging to our BIL who died last year. They live in the US and I live in the EU where he lived. Our sister died 5 years ago and he was much older than she was 25 years or so. Anyhow, he needed for someone to go look in on him and make sure he was ok. This went on for a year or more until he got his heart attack which left him near dead, the he had to have open heart surgery. A few to 6 months after the surgery he suffered a spell of alcoholism and began to drink heavily again while on heart meds and it messe dup his mind a bit that he was now having short spells of short term memory loss. He was still able to do for himself. to make a long story short. Last year he became so sick he was hospitalized for four months which he later died. He apparently had written me in his will and I didnt know about it until a month or so after his death when I went to find papers in order to burry him. He had some relatives a sister and her kids but had no contact with them for 30 years. So basically it was me who was his care giver whe he needed it. I took him to the doctor, cooked for him, cleaned his house, washed his laundry. Got home health nurses to come take care of him bathing, and giving meds. he wont bathe unless you put him in there. This was not dure to his illness but just being an alcoholic for so many years.

 

My family in the US do not know him, one sister met him briefly two years ago, otherwise, no one knows him but me. We developed a close friendship and he looked to me for help when he needed it and would call if he needed soemthing. i was always there for him no matter what time of day or night. Over the years I didnt say much to my family because each time I said I went to see him they would want to knwo WHY and what interest do I have by going there. Well the man needed someone to help take care of him. Middle of last year one sister kept asking how he was and I said sick in hospital. She might have asked four times total. All i will say is he is ok. But after he died I just didnt reply to those emails. I did send an email to her telling he that he died but it was the wrong email I didnt spell the name correctly cuz at the time my pc was not working. when i did manage to tell her I think in November that he died she was furiousw and began to drop words that I am hiding somehting. She and her family came to the EU to spend Christmas and just left to go back home on the 4th. On the 7th we fell out. Because when I got back home I got a mail from the courts that I was hsi only Heir and that I got his estate. I started to tell this sister this and in no time at all she was attacking me and telling me bad things. I tried to tell her that she never knew him and didnt have his best interest inn mind but what he had in the line of property. I still didnt believe he left the will. i was quite stunned to find this out and up until i got the notfication fro the courts I still didnt believe it. She rushed to the rest of the famiyl to say what a thief and liar and con artist I am and how I must have forced him to do it. I had Power of Att for some months when he was hospitalized last year up to his death. She said if I had that I can force him to sign anything. That is not true. He wrote this will years ago and since I was the only person coming around him and taking are of him he left it to me. i didnt ask this. he did mention one day he wanted me to have the house if he died and I said i dont want to discuss that and never did.

 

Now to my shocking surprise they are all against me, came at me like devils with fire all around them and already crucified me and burried me ot strung me to the cross. Its mind boggling. i would have been happy for any of them but they wont be happy for me. Instead they are condemning me for it.

I dont knwo what to do, I am hurting and did not look for anything like this to happen. i really thought they woul dhave been happy when I did tell them the news. I didnt tell t hem over christmas cuz I didnt want to have any problems which I suspected it might bring. but I certainly didnt look for this to happen and all at once. So now I am disowned 100%. it hurts terribly. Peopl ewho didnt even know wht he looked like wrote cussing me out. PLEASE FEEL FREE TO ASK QUESTIONS as I just put a whole lot of stuff all at once but actually left out stuff. I am just in so much dispear please help.

Pitstop

[Heather Dawn]

Wow, I'm so sorry to hear this. You sound like a lovely person and clearly your BIL felt like you'd earned the right to be his sole beneficiary. I'm sure your late sister would agree, and be so happy to know that you were there for her husband after her passing.

 

The rest of your family is jealous, and it's a shame that they can't be happy for the good fortune that you've deservedly received. I don't know what else to say, other than that I sympathize.

[abitbroken]

I think the only misstep you made was making the judgement that "they don't know him" so they were not entitled to know he wasn't doing well and just saying "he's okay" - I mean, after all, this is the man your sister was married to. I think they felt blindsided by the fact that he seemed to be doing fine - and then it looks like he dropped dead out of the blue and you got everything.

 

Regardless. I would really wait awhile for this to blow over. I would continue to send Christmas card and birthday cards, etc. without writing long notes. The reason is that unless every family member called you and said "we no longer wish to speak to you" you can't go by the reaction of one to give you cause to cut your whole family out. Just don't go out of your way more than that. They are angry now, but it will settle down. You might have a sibling who won't talk to you, but you might have other family that will calm down. In time, I would write a letter to your folks or whoever has your best interest at heart if they are not alive and calmly say your peace and how shocked you were (no accusations about anyone's reactions) and you wish that it won't come between you in the future.

 

I do understand where they are coming from, in a way - there are tons of stories where the someone leaves everything to the caregiver and sometimes its legit and sometimes it isn't.

[pitstop]

Wow, I'm so sorry to hear this. You sound like a lovely person and clearly your BIL felt like you'd earned the right to be his sole beneficiary. I'm sure your late sister would agree, and be so happy to know that you were there for her husband after her passing.

 

The rest of your family is jealous, and it's a shame that they can't be happy for the good fortune that you've deservedly received. I don't know what else to say, other than that I sympathize.

 

 

 

thank you so much for your reply. I am sitting here and was wondering if my post will even be noticed. thank you so much.

As I said, I just posted snippets of the story but didnt get into drastic detail. My sister who died asked me before she died with terminal cancer 5 yrs ago that she was very worried about her husband and that IF I would take care of him or help him. I assured her I will do all I can for him and she was so happy to hear that. when we found my BIL after my sister#s death, unfortunately we were out of the country at the time. But when we came back and found him he was good as dead. There were hundreds of beer cans bottles and boxes of cheap alcohol. He was filthy, his house was appalling. I immeditaely called the doctor and said we needed help for this man right away. Once he sobered up he thanked me and my hubby so much for coming to him. He said when she died he didnt want to live and wanted to die. I assured him there is life after death and that he will be helped thru this very painful time of his life. We stood by him until the years passed and he was over it. But I think he never really got over it he just felt betetr knowing we were there for him. He would thank us all the time for coming and helping him.

 

It was a difficult job cuz he lived in another city and it was a haul to get there rgularly sometimes daily. Bu I did it or we did it.

[pitstop]

I have to agree with you with the They didnt know him. Well the one who did meet him I would tell her he was in hospital, or he had heart attack, or he was sick or he was drinkign again and all she will say is why or how you konw all this, I will say cuz I went. then she will say yeah yeah he is always sick. So apparently she also didnt believe me. All of the siblings wrote nasty filthsy letters. There are two whom I do not have dealings with for sometime since my dad#s funeral. My mother is terminally ill with late late stage cancer and is on borrowed time, she too has taken up the main fire log and slapped it at me saying she stole or kill the man for his property. Its appalling. last year I flew over to her state to care for her as they said she didnt have long to live. Once i got there I was not welcomed, instead it was said I came to KILL her and take her stuff. I was shocked. I had spent something like 4,000 euros to get there and then was told this? I was a slave to her for two weeks until one morning she and the other two siblings whom I dont speak to somehow convined its time to throw me out in the cold. I was thrown out of her house at 7 am on a cold snowing morning before I even had time to brush my teeth or drink some hot tea. I have not spoken to her since that time nearly a year. Sister and her family who just spent christmas with us is the main culprit at this time. She is the one who kept asking how come you know he is sick. How come you know he died, how come you going over there so much. i was afraid to tell her I went that often. You have to know her, she didnt look at is as GOOD but looked at it as somethign bad I was doing. So I kept daily tasks from her and only blurted out little things like he is sick he is in hospital or small talk nothing much. She has always said when our sister died that her house was coming to her the alive sister. Or just recently like october she said she wants to buy it and all sorts of cornball. So when she got the news it was a slap in her face. She immediately accused me of everything tht is bad and then phoned my bro to tell him how horrible I am. Tell her children how a criminal their aunt is bla bla bla. Wished me everything bad. I asked them to please be happy fo rme, instead they wished me so much evil it cried for two days. Becasue I know in my heart I took care of this man until the last day he closed his eyes. then she accused me of moving because I knew I was coming into money. I had decided to move five months before he died. I had no clue he was going to die. It just awful.

 

The onew who do not know him only by hearing cuz our sister was estranged from us and lived over here all her life since she was 18. We never met this man until I moved here 13 years ago. The others simply do not know him. But they attacked me when my sister died too, she was a heavy smoker and when i got to their home he asked me to call Red Cross to come get the stuff and I said i will go thru it and see what is still good. Nothing of hers was good it all had to be thrown out or donated. Her jewelry i gave to my sister the same devil at the moment. I gave her all the gold stuff. She wont have known of it but i gave it all to her including some little nick nacks. I gave her most of the documents of my sister. She didnt ask, I simply gave them to her. So you see, no matter what

 

You are good at suggesting send cards. My neice turns 25 next month and i was wondering if to still send a gift or a card or just ignore it. cuz once me and my sister has words, she puts the kids against me. Has been doing this her entire life.

[tattoobunnie]

My family has been in these situations before...it's the gold-digger reaction. If they really cared to get to know him before, they would have already, instead of freaking out that he died. They will say whatever it is to manipulate you into giving them something. So stay strong. And even if you did give them something, it will never be enough. And I guarantee the one who is trying to turn others against you is probably having issues. Whoever you are still close to, stay close to. Irrationality has a way of showing itself.

[capilot]

Sadly, reactions like this are very common where inheritances are involved. It might have helped to be generous and throw the family some bones, but it's probably too late now that they're already mad.

[abitbroken]

You are good at suggesting send cards. My neice turns 25 next month and i was wondering if to still send a gift or a card or just ignore it. cuz once me and my sister has words, she puts the kids against me. Has been doing this her entire life.

 

Yes. Send a card and if you usually send a gift - do so! The kids have nothing to do with this. If you keep sending cards and gifts like you normally do, you are reaching out and the kids now adults can make the choice whether to reach out and have a relationship with you or not. You are the bigger person if you don't treat the kids any differently than you have always done.

 

Since your mother is dying, I would definitely try to send her a letter someday. Don't accuse your sister, just gently state that you miss your relationship and what the true facts were.

 

Was it a very rich estate, may I ask? I would consider if you inherited millions to do something for the education of your nieces and nephews even if small. If it is a house, personal effects, etc, I wouldn't do so if you choose to live in the house, etc.

[pitstop]

My family has been in these situations before...it's the gold-digger reaction. If they really cared to get to know him before, they would have already, instead of freaking out that he died. They will say whatever it is to manipulate you into giving them something. So stay strong. And even if you did give them something, it will never be enough. And I guarantee the one who is trying to turn others against you is probably having issues. Whoever you are still close to, stay close to. Irrationality has a way of showing itself.

 

 

 

SHE is the one and the brother are the two I was VERY close to and those are the same demons that craweled out of the pits of hell to come at me. I have NO contact now with anybody, all of them branded me a thief and that I conned the man. I had POA and all his medical recordds in the last months of his life have me signing stuff for him. I even fought hard to get them to put him on oxygen if he was not longer able to breather for himself cuz that is what he wanted. they have NO clue the hell I went thru. the last four moths I was running to the hospital daily cuz docs will call me to come asap I had to drop job or what ever i was doing and go there. Thing is she really didnt ask how he is diong out of care, she will then utter oh if he is so sick how come I know this and that. So it was never good enough. His famiy didnt contest the will. He had NO contact with his family for 30 years and they were notified of the Will. They themselves didnt contest it. So why her and my family are are actually legally NOT entitied to nothing.

[pitstop]

Sadly, reactions like this are very common where inheritances are involved. It might have helped to be generous and throw the family some bones, but it's probably too late now that they're already mad.

 

My pain is the fact she spent couple weeks over christmas with us in a lovely area of Europe and we all had a nice time more ot less. and to think she sat on my table and was analzying me the whole times urks me. She professes to had had conferences while on vacation with HER family to discuss me and that they felt there was more to the story. I knew he had a will and I had to wait for the courts to finalize it, all this time i still didnt think I was entirled to anything. The courts decided I was. So she was told in when I knew. Didnt matter when I told she will be mad. Throw out bones meaning give them something or news?

[pitstop]

No, the estate is not rich at all. If it was i would gladly give them all something, its not even 60,000 US and then I have to pay 30% taxes. Plus renovate the place it was as small house and he had no funds to amount to anything in the bank and he has a lot of debts as well so its relatively small not big and all of my siblings are WEALTHY people with huge homes and nice tripple digit incomes. I on the other hand am not.

 

Wont write my mother, she will laugh at me and send the letter to her other children. It will backfire at me.She cures me thru my sister all the time. Will send really hurtful mesages to me and i will not reply. Its a no win situation. Been to counseling and they also advised me to abstain contact from her as its poison to my system and nerves to keep in touch. Daddy was my friend, father and mother.

[capilot]

No, the estate is not rich at all. If it was i would gladly give them all something, its not even 60,000 US...

 

Wait, the whole estate is only worth 60k? I thought you meant you'd inherited some huge estate in the country with horses and servants and stuff.

 

This is penny-ante BS. It would have cost him more than that to hire a caretaker to do what you did for him. Keep the money and tell your family that for the next dying family member you'll generously step aside and let them take care of him.

[pitstop]

Wait, the whole estate is only worth 60k? I thought you meant you'd inherited some huge estate in the country with horses and servants and stuff.

 

This is penny-ante BS. It would have cost him more than that to hire a caretaker to do what you did for him. Keep the money and tell your family that for the next dying family member you'll generously step aside and let them take care of him.

 

 

Aint taht sumething? NOPE, No estate with mansion and horses, servants and big fat bank aco****s. its a measley estate and nothing to go on a world trip over. You will swear up and down that it was a million plus i got. i wish. And your words about next dying member let them come help, you bet your bottom dollar I will. But we will probably never speak again. I just have to deal with the pain of not having a family day at a time. But the gall of these people including my mother. I can only hear my mother's words to them now. She killed the man and stole all his stuff, call the police on her. That is how my mother and what she will say. Its as If I dropped out of a horse or some fish but not her belly. When a mother turns on her own blood so I think God will not forgive her. I did so much for her and my family and every single time I have ever helped in the past it always came back to bite me in the bumm. I just dont get it. Nobody else helps or has helped and its always STUPID me to rush to someone's aid and then they bite me like a rattlesnake.

 

And yes, he could NOT afford to pay anyone for the help I was giving him. We looked into it and he would have been on the streets.The cost overhere for this kind of help is horrendous. They are now using Polish people who come and sit with older people for get this 3,000 euros a month and you have to provide medical insurance for them, food, clothing and entertainment and housing. he didnt even make anything remotely close to 2,000 a month let alone that.

[pitstop]

The AUDICITY OF SOME PEOPLE:

 

So I got a stink letter from one of the haters, they want me to SEND ALL OF THEM a Copy of the Will to PROVE I am telling the truth. LMAO: They are BOLDER than brass. I am shocked once more. That is very very personal private matters and nobody ought to have to prove they are telling the truth by letting their private life in the open. So ridiculous. They can wait til cows start laying eggs.

[pitstop]

hello to all who participated in my topic. A year has passed and it was a ling painful one. They still have no communication with me. I have since since spoken to mom over the past year but its steained. I call every 6 to 8 weeks. we never discuss this as her cancer meds has her forgetting things so I do not bring it up.

 

I sent Christmas presents to my sister and her family. she never acknowledged it more than a generic card as if to a stranger. she didn't say thanks for the gifts just a two liner online card as if I were a stranger wishing all the best for Christmas and New Year. my neice thanked me via viber chat. I sent birthday presents again in February to neice and nephew for birthday. nephew said thanks but with questions which were actual words my sister would ask. I replied to nephew who have since completely ignored my nails. so his thank you was a formality she may have told him to do. my niece thanked me on viber.

 

a year has passed and I still am sad and lonely. I realize they will never speak to me again. I go thru bouts of depression which I hadn't suffered before in my life. my sister knows this is eating me alive and it is. I am so sad and lonely and in a foreign country with language barrier makes it ever so painful. I reminice of having and long for a family that I will never have again.

 

I tried thru my neice in an indirect way to speak to my sister but it was ignored. how much longer should I try ir should I just learn to live in the sadness and emptiness? At 57 to find the family you had for 57 years is no longet there really hurts so horribly. thanks for listening

[lerenard]

I think you should be proud of yourself. Your family made a very nasty move, if I were in your place - I wont share anything with them.

 

Enjoy your inheritances. And maybe get some counselling for your issue with your family?