Need an aggressive/bossy girl to help me out: I'm **** @ making plans

[laninaperdida]

I've recently concluded that 1 of my biggest flaws in relationships is that I'm sooo passive-aggressive when it comes to planning.

I need to work on this.

 

I specifically "pick" a best friend who will organize:

Where we're going...

What we'll be doing...

When to be ready...

Etc...

 

This dynamic works well with girls because a lot of girls like to be in control & to get their own way, but when it comes to guys?

We end up having the "I dunno, what do you wanna do?" convo,

I honestly think a lot of guys approach planning like me (i.e. they don't give a **** what happens), but when 2 people are like this **** doesn't get done.

I need to do my part, but I'm not sure how.

 

My man & I have plans tonight & I can tell he's all flustered on what to do, haha.

As long as I leave my house by 7 PM (I hate leaving late... I get so bored) I really don't care if we go to a club or drink @ a bus stop.

I told him this, but he's all "But what do you want to do?"

Arg.

 

I need an aggressive/bossy girl to tell me how to approach planning in relationships... My approach is horrible.

Do I just say things like "The movies I wanna see start @ this time,'" ... "I'll come over @ Xish & we'll figure it out" ... "Be around @ Xish because that's when I want to get together,"?

 

If you're a guy, can you tell me how you like to go about organizing things with your girl?

[becomingkate]

I'm a bossy girl

 

I generally say what I'm interested in doing. For example, I'll say "Do you want to have lunch at the Thai place?" because I want to have lunch at the Thai place. If he doesn't, he'll suggest the chinese place.

 

Other times, I'll say, "I'd like to go dancing at Cowboy's tonight. Think we can be there by 11 pm?"

[oldenoughtoknow]

I don't think you want to come accross as bossy. Some guys may like that, but it's not you and you'll develop a relationship destined to fail. How about this...do you know what you want to do sometimes? Think about tonight. Picture where you want to go and what you want to have happen. Then ask for it.

 

I'd really like to see movie X. Do you want to go?

I dunno...sure.

How about tonight at 8.

 

Simple. Don't over complicate it. You may not wind up going to the movie, but picturing that initial scenario will start the convo that will lead you out of the "I dunno" zone.

[laninaperdida]

I'm a bossy girl

 

I generally say what I'm interested in doing. For example, I'll say "Do you want to have lunch at the Thai place?" because I want to have lunch at the Thai place. If he doesn't, he'll suggest the chinese place.

 

Other times, I'll say, "I'd like to go dancing at Cowboy's tonight. Think we can be there by 11 pm?"

 

Cowboys in Calgary?

I used to work there, haha.

As a promo girl.

[becomingkate]

Cowboys in Calgary?

I used to work there, haha.

As a promo girl.

 

Too funny! That's where my husband took me on dates when we first met.

[laninaperdida]

I don't think you want to come accross as bossy. Some guys may like that, but it's not you and you'll develop a relationship destined to fail. How about this...do you know what you want to do sometimes? Think about tonight. Picture where you want to go and what you want to have happen. Then ask for it.

 

I'd really like to see movie X. Do you want to go?

I dunno...sure.

How about tonight at 8.

 

Simple. Don't over complicate it. You may not wind up going to the movie, but picturing that initial scenario will start the convo that will lead you out of the "I dunno" zone.

 

Thing is, I *really* don't care what we do, haha.

I pretty much pack a bag of crazy & off I go for the night... Ready for anything, but I hate making decisions.

When I told him all I want to do is see him he's flattered @ first then confused on what we'll actually be doing.

[laninaperdida]

Too funny! That's where my husband took me on dates when we first met.

 

I like that place, it's so scattered.

You can show up in a dress or Uggs & still fit in, haha.

Or that's what it was like 4 years ago...

[tattoobunnie]

I have gone from the planner of the group - 15+ people (entourage) to my hubby who never made plans before to telling me what we are up to that weekend. After getting pregnant, I pretty much got low key on planning weekend events.

 

My best advice, get local papers, event papers, and thumb through. If you see a venue, show, bar, nightclub, movie, museum event, etc. that peaks your interest, just pipe up, and ask someone if they want to go. Trust me, all it takes is a little bit of practice, and you will get into the swing of things.

 

And just like ordering food, open up a phonebook, close your eyes, and point on the page. Whatever you hit, you go try.

 

And no, I hated to be the planner all the time! I was just good at it. I love that my hubby takes the reigns a lot these days.

[laninaperdida]

^^^

Dear God, I can't even order food...

Whomever I'm with usually makes a strong "recommendation" for me.

I guess I just need to do the things for him that my best friend did for me.

More like statements than questions.

"Hey babe. I'll be over @ 6. The movies start around 8/8:30. We'll either go see 1 or chill with your friends."

Wish me luck, haha.

I honestly think I stay away from dating because having a bossy BFF is so much easier than a BF.

[LoveSoDeep]

I'm the same way I really hate planning everything and I've come to realizze that maybe I just need a guy who likes to take charge. If ont he first couple dates the guy is complaining that I don't plan things I know he's not going to be happy with me in the future b/c planning dates is just not my thing. Ocasionally....maybe rarely is more like it I'll just get a craving to eat something specific or want to go to a specific event and that's pretty much the only time I plan things.... especially early ina realtionship. After some time has passed I know it can be annoying so I try to make a little effort to recognize and voice my cravings more often but that's about it.

 

Changing who you are isn't going to help you.....you are the girl who like to "go with the flow" that's just who you are and you'd be better off learning to love and embrace it rather than trying to be something you're not.

 

Maybe do what I do which is be a little more aware of cravings and things that pique your interest. At one point I actually had to make notes of things I liked so I wouldn't forget them and when my SO asked "what do you want to do?" I'd tell him I'd think on it...then I'd check my list and see what appealed to me. And usually if i came up with one idea even if he didn't like it he was happy I at least had an opinion.

[Celadon]

Laninaperdida, when people say they don't want to plan anything, there's usually a reason behind it: they don't have any ideas, they don't want to be "responsible" for a night that doesn't turn out fun or they're, well, lazy.

 

If you're lacking ideas, spend some time looking up movies, clubs, concerts, cafe events, etc., and have a list ready to go. You could even say, "I'd like to either see THIS movie or go to THAT concert. You choose" -- so the final decision is your BFs.

 

If you don't want to be responsible, well, that's just something you have to get over. Not every night is going to be fantastic, but that's not the point of hanging out with your bf, right? It's just to be with him. If you plan something that doesn't pan out, at least you tried, and he will know you tried.

 

If you're lazy, then think about your bf. Why should he do all the work? It would make him happy to have you choose things to do, or at least make some suggestions.

[MikNomis]

It's easy, think of two things, the first things that come to mind. Assign each to you and your friend. Then settle it like men with rock paper scissors. Either that or just go with the first thing that comes to your mind.

[Ayanokōji]

Haha OP, that is classic guy behavior lol, every time I hang out with my friends we sit around them someone goes yo we should go do something, then next guy will say what u wanna do bro? Then the initiator will go anything, then the next guy will say yeah I'm down for whatever and the next guy and the next guy will repeat that. In the end you got like 5 guys saying sure I'll go do w/e with you guys but noone suggested anything to do LOL.