Do girls get over guys that fast?

[twiggs]

I guess this question is for the ladies. I was with my 18 yr old fiancee for 2 years. She picked up a new bf just days after we split. She said shes liked him for a month but a month ago she picked out her engagment ring.

 

My question is. Can girls really get over there ex's that fast, fill me in on their mindset. Is it that easy? Getting back together chances? Anything. Help me girls.

[Celadon]

I don't think anyone can get over their ex THAT fast, but some people (girls and guys) sure can distract themselves pretty good by having a new bf/gf.

 

It's like, some of us *deal* with the pain of a breakup and other people just try to shove it out of their minds.

 

If your ex is 18, I seriously wonder if she knows what she wants. She seems to be treating her relationships like they're just for fun, rather than a commitment.

 

I don't know about chances of getting back together. Would you want to get back together if she's only going to change her mind and you guys are going to break up again? I don't mean to be mean. It's just that it's very possible that would happen, from what you just described about the ring and stuff. Maybe other people can give some more advice for you.

[twiggs]

I haven't looked at it like that. I suppose I wanted her to grow up to fast. Any more ideas

[shademan]

only the ones you really love dont love you , and the ones u ignore are ready to give you the world this is life . accept it or fight for the rest of your life ...... like me .

[Iceman26]

Shademan, that is so true.

 

K8tie Cool has a good point, she is only 18 and more than likely doesnt know what she wants and is out for fun.

[twiggs]

hey thanks for replying, is their anyway you could elaberate. Are there loop holes?

[popo]

twiggs,

 

when i was at her age, i broke up my bf just like that than had fun with my friends. i felt guilty when i did that, but the next minutes i didnt even think about that though there was no other boy till months later.

now, it's been more than 2 months i broke up with my ex and i still feel hurt even last night i cried after i saw the things that he gave me.

 

see the different? i dont wanna generalize people but everyone here's right. she's just not that mature to take the relationship seriously. chances to getting back together? there r always possibilities, but make sure that next time u really can take her to the higher level. u dont want to get her back and lose her again in the next couple of days right?

[twiggs]

Popo, your right. I dont want to get back together than fall off the cliff again. Im trying the NC thing for a week now, its tough, but i wish I could have a little bird fly to my window when she lays in bed, and misses me. Or maybe she doesnt miss me at all. When she gets together w/someone that fast its tough, and it stings. Do they ever call? is it true that when you forget about them they find away back. Remember we were engaged. She said yes to me for a reason, didnt she?

[me4ta]

First of all, getting married at that age is not really wise, only for the reason that if suppose you went through with a wedding - you'd probably go to college - there are new experiences, new people, etc.....you'd have to fight for your relationship anyways.

 

It's good that it happened to you right now than years later while you were married and possibly had kids.

 

You're too young, you should enjoy your life, not struggling with it. But it's easier said that done.

 

I always thought that guys get over break ups easier....but then I found out it all depends and relative. You see, she's just 18, she doesn't know what wants, she probably wasn't in love for real if she could jump relationships that quickly. That's what happened to my ex, he started liking this girl a month before we broke up and got together with her right after the break up....so I figured he wasn't really that much in love with me if he could do that.

 

Regarding her picking out the ring a month ago when she claims she started liking that other guy, it's the fact that someone was giving her jewelry was more exciting for her, that's why she did it, it made her feel mature. But she could very well be liking someone else at the time.

 

I'm sorry if I'm not saying what you want to hear, but I'm just trying to say - she wasn't mature enough for it, you have to understand that at 18, not all of us are rational.

[twiggs]

Oh, dont be sorry, if i didnt want opinions I wouldnt have posted this thread. Today after 2 weeks of NC she text messeged me and said simply "Im sorry" what does that mean, where do i go from there? I didnt reply promptly.

[popo]

twiggs,

 

meaning she was sorry. she still care for u and it's good. maybe, she still think to go back with u just in case everything doesnt work well betweem them. whatever it is, u dont have to reply it. u decided to do nc and 2 weeks r just not enough. keep strong.

[twiggs]

popo, i gave in this morning. I was weak. I asked "sorry for what?" Its probably no big deal anyways. This doesnt change anything does it?

[popo]

twiggs,

 

did she text u back?

[twiggs]

Nope, i text her this morning and its 11pm right now. Is this some sort of game? I would have been better off not texting her back. Now I have these thoughts in my head, curious to know what shes talking about.

[popo]

twiggs,

 

well at least now u know y almost all members here advice NC. but not to worry, most of them also have done mistakes like u now, all u have to do is remain NC. i've been limited conatc with my ex for more then a month and still feel the need to contact him. when it happen, i visit this site. it really helps. a lot.

 

i dunno y she doesnt reply ur text. maybe his new boy always around her, or mayb she doesnt think that she has to anwer it since u should already know the answer, or mayb she's afraid to give u more hope. but there's no point knowing what she do or think. she's with someone else now. and u, u're single. what a single guy do? have fun with friends, go to the gym, flirt with girls, anything.. just make ur self busy. it wont stop u to think about her, but it will stop u to contact her (nc means no mistake) and bring back ur confidence (luckily, she'll see it and realise her mistake of leaving u. if not, u'll find some one new).

[deebee]

My advice is to read 'He's Scared, She's Scared' which is all about commitmentphobic relationships. Moving on to a new partner immediately after dumping someone is a classic characteristic of what the book calls an 'active runner'. She has a lot of growing up to do. She has replaced a relationship that got a little too 'real' with a new one that she can impose her own fantasies on. Haven't got the space to go in to it in depth, but you are better off now! You very likely did nothing 'wrong'.

[twiggs]

Where do i find this "he's scared, shes scared" It seems like it would be interesting. Wow, popo your a HUGE help. I appreciate your advise. Im stuck on one thing, why would she text im sorry? And not answer me. I should have left it alone but my damn heart took over. Do i act as if this never happened?

[popo]

twiggs,

 

dont worry to much about it. if she's a good girl, she probably feels really sorry for leaving her fiance to hang out with other guy (who's probably not as good as u are). or if she's not, she just want to know that u still think about her or not. people can b just so selfish even they were used to our lover. it's sucks! but that's the reality. so, yah, just leave it. what else can u do anyway?

if u tend to play a game than the ball's on her court. leave it to her. i promise u she'll call u soon or later coz she'll miss u if u're not always around her.

read the posts here. follow the advices. ask if u doubt. u'll b okay.

[twiggs]

I dont doubt, I have trust. I believe if you good thoughts, than good things will happen. I cant help but miss her, it gets better everyday, and after every thread read. She just needs to grow up and find what she really wants. At the time we split up, she said this felt "so right, its scary" Lets see how scary the outcome is. When splitting up how far do you think you can take the words your ex says? Do you take them with a grain of salt, or are they true as law? That song by Nelly "Over and over again" Its so true. It just goes throught your mind over and over again. The last words she said to me...I told her i loved her and waited for a reply. She looked at me, and I said "you cant say anything" Her reply.."Whats the point, thanks for the ride...."

[deebee]

Where do i find this "he's scared, shes scared" It seems like it would be interesting.

 

Try link removed or link removed. It is quite illuminating and will raise questions about your own commitment issues as well as those of your partner. Could be shorter, but worth the effort. Has changed the way I view relationships.

 

Another book I strongly recommend is link removed by Paul McKenna. Will help you get over the break up quicker and more healthily.

[twiggs]

When splitting up how far do you think you can take the words your ex says? Do you take them with a grain of salt, or are they true as law?

[Celadon]

There's some truth, but it's not the whole truth. Usually people say the things that have bugged them, but they don't say the things they really liked about you or how they enjoyed some really good times during the relationship.

 

Also, sometimes when people are mad, they start exaggerating, to make themselves sound EVEN MORE in the right. Even more justified. Basically, they get carried away.

 

Listen to the tone of voice. If they seem out of control, don't really give their words much thought. But if they're calm and collected, then maybe there's more truth to what they're saying.

 

And always, it's the truth from THEIR perspective. They don't know everything, so consider their perspective along with your own.

[twiggs]

Great advice thank you. One email she sent me was just out of the blue. Telling me were never getting married, we have no future, but than the other she writes me a text and says shes sorry. She still hasnt replied to me.Whats this about...........

[heart4chris]

Twiggs,

 

my boyfriend just recently decided that he needed some time to decide what he needed and wanted in my life. It broke my heart.

 

I cry everynight with him. It hurts me to look at his pictures, talk to him on the phone sometimes, but it also hurts not to tlak to him.

 

What i'm trying to say is I don't think I could ever get over my boyfriend. He was such a big part of my life for so long, that I will never forget what he means to me. I will always love him

 

She's 18-- I'm 19-- My boyfriend is 21--- I don't know what I want.. and need in life much less a relationship... my boyfriend ended it because he needs to figure out what he wants. so more than likely she isn't taking what you had seriously now b/c she doesn't knwo what she wants and doesn't want the responsibilty of a serious relationship.

 

Give her some time. She'll realize just how good you were to her and she'll come back

 

If she doesnt someone else iis out there, better for you.. and they're just waiting for you to find them .

 

good luck. I wish you the best!

-Ashlee

[twiggs]

Thank you so much heart4chris.

 

amazingly she called me tonight. She wanted to see how I was doing.How my job interview was going. I didnt really ask if she was still w/ her new bf but, just asked if she was happy. She said yes. She said she called for the exact reason you guys said. she was sorry for getting in another relationship so fast. She said she still cares for me. She ended the conversation with. I really gotta . What do I make of this?

 

I said everything was going really well for me. I didnt sound down. I told her the first week was tough. She mentioned that she thought I would have never gotten this far in my interview process ( my new job) if we were together.

 

will she call again? My mind is rumbling..talk to me people..........NC is amazing