But I love him

[Happybtconfuse]

So just before the holidays my bf and I were drinking and got into a huge fight where he hit me and I hit him , he smashed out big screen tv ,broke a 3 day old ps3 . I have no idea why we fought or what started it , we had got into a big fight like that before in September but kinda brushed it off. Now we kinda did brush it off again but I can't help but feel that we can't fix it again. I feel like there are things that can't fix the emotional scars. We don't really talk about feelings , he knows I have feelings and that we love each other more than anything but we don't talk about them. He hates crying he just can't stand it he actually gets mad and I'm a very emotional person when I speak my feeling I tend to cry . We've been together for 3 and a half years , longest relationship either of us had, we never had to try at our relationship we were just happy. But lately I feel I've been trying to keep our relationship going. I can't see my life without him, he's been in my life for 8 yrs (we were friends before dating) . sometimes I get real bad anxiety attacks and he's the one that keeps me calm, idk Can love heal from an incident like this, can 2 ppl truly love each other so much that they can get over this ? We both decided to quit drinking but if we did drink again this will probably open up the wound again , I know it opened up my wound from the incident in September , I hope I can heal and feel better about this and about myself..... Because I really do love him

[camus154]

Hitting each other in fights isn't love, it's abuse.

 

Forget about love. Use your head. The two of you don't work well together. I would end it and then take a good long while working on yourself and your own issues before dating again.

[HealingHandsWarmHeart]

once you cross the line into being physical.. its very hard to go back to post violence.

 

"He hates crying he just can't stand it he actually gets mad and I'm a very emotional person when I speak my feeling I tend to cry . "

 

this raised a red flag for me - how can you be yourself with him if you can't express how you feel?

[SpottiOtti]

I think you should walk away. But it seems you are unlikely to do so.

 

Know, however, that unless you two address the underlying problem of why these two fights occurred, dig it out and talk about it, it is likely to keep happening.

 

Also, the last time this happened, did you two agree to quit drinking together? So who caved this time and had the first drink? What is the likelihood that one of you will cave and have a drink again?

 

You're in a position where you've got to stop the denial and address reality. Yes, it would be nice to stay in denial and pretend that this will never happen again. But if you want a different relationship, you've got to start seeing reality clearly.