Short but very intense relationship over - Will NC work for a 2nd reconcilation?

[CutieGirl]

I've see in many of the post that the couple that broke up were together for YEARS. I was only with this man for 5 months, but I felt I had finally found my soul mate.

 

In the beginning we did have a brief break up in our 1st month but after about 10 days I text him, we talked, got back together and things blossomed into the most promising, beautiful relationship I had ever known. Then our journey ended because he lost interest, doubted his abilities to make me happy, he was fatigued ALL the time because of his job, but I think the real reason he left was because he would allow himself to brew on the wrong issues - being "right" instead of being happy. Eventually he let those thoughts build up walls of resistance that I could never get around. No amount of my acts of love seemed to help.

 

When things were good they were absolutely wonderful. Lots of intense love, planning for the future and free flowing communication. All of a sudden he ended it. Needless to say, after he broke up with me I was devastated. He didn't even seem sure he wanted to end it, but I knew he had been giving it some thought for a while. I had felt him slipping away and had been working myself to exhaustion trying to save our relationship, but the more I presses the more aloof he became. I KNOW he didn't leave because of another woman.

 

I didn't try to convince him to stay this time. I didn't say anything actually. In fact I immediately gave him all his belongings AND all the gifts he'd ever given me and said Bye. I still love him, but don't recognize him anymore. The man I fell in love with looked nothing like this new man.

 

Although I miss him a lot, I am 11 days into NC and do not plan to ever reach out to him again. If we make-up it will be because he initiates it. I sent him one final text the day after the break up telling him know he needs to sort things out for the sake of his happiness. I told him I'm still the friend that loves him, is praying for him and is concerned about him. I told him that if he needs me I'm here and to take care of himself.

 

I am doing all I can to be strong and move forward, but honestly, this was what I believed was the love of my life - I have been in so many failed relationships, at 41, I don't feel like I will ever marry. I don't feel like it will ever happen. This has been such a painful time for me. I seriously don't feel hopeful that I'll meet anyone anymore.

 

If a man can leave me like that, when I hadn't done anything wrong - then what hope do I have?

 

I wonder does he ever think about me how good I was to him. Don't men say they want a good woman that supports them through thick and thin? I never gave him anything but love and even when I felt I emotionally overdrawn, I still kept loving him. Has he forgotten or he just not seeing things correctly?

 

I just wanted to know if you think reconciliation can happen with a couple that had NOT been together very long. He's a little older than me (52/41) and can be very set in his decisions sometimes. Even though I think he regrets leaving, I fear his pride will keep him from reconciling. I believe he does love me, but lost passion for me. He had been struggling with a lot of depression and self doubt when he ended it. I'd always have to coax him back in when he was feeling unsure about our relationship.

 

Do stubborn men come back eventually?

[crazyoflove]

It happened to me several times with my last gf. Every time I left she contacted after few days or weeks. However, we ended up breaking every time because she did not change anything in her behaviour. This time I think it is over for good as something changed inside of me and I am tired of giving her chances

[laninaperdida]

As unhelpful as this response is, only time will tell.

You're not going to get a mathematical answer... You just have to wait.

Most couples take time apart.

He needed to focus on work... She needed to finish school... Whatever.

Personally, I think time apart in normal.

Look @ people who got married & have stayed married.

They didn't meet an never separate.

They probably re connected a few times.

Most of the time, however, the constant in these situations is the man is the one who wants time apart.

Be persistent (never give up on love), but live your life.

You may reconnect in a month... A year... Or never again.

[learning2relax]

You have to do your best to shake the negative thoughts from your head (e.g. I don't feel like I will ever marry, I don't feel like it will ever happen, I seriously don't feel hopeful that I'll meet anyone anymore.) Yes this is hard to do while you are here. The consequence of this negative thinking is you will realize exactly what you believe. If you believe these things you will make them true. You will risk putting yourself exactly where he put himself - not feeling worthy of a relationship, thereby not being able to allow yourself to experience genuine love and happiness.

 

Try this...... every day try and write down one or two things that you like about yourself. Even if you write the same things over again each day, do this every day until you feel strength from the words you see yourself writing down. It sounds silly but it does work and costs you nothing then a few minutes a day of giving yourself some positive thought and attention. Retrain your brain away from the negative thoughts filling up your head. You know you are good and that you deserve the love of a man that can reciprocate what you give to him in kind. Don't let his actions or behavior cause you to believe otherwise. If we all believed this way, we would never find love and never truly be happy in life (in a relationship or outside of a relationship). You have to be happy and confident in yourself to attract the love you deserve in return.

[CutieGirl]

Thanks for your encouragement. I am so thankful to you!

I know it has to get easier and that the pain has got to fade with time. I will do my very best to start living my life again.

[Ms Darcy]

I think learning has given great advice.

 

The guy is 52 - he's a grown man and you are a grown woman. You both know who you are and I am glad you are not going to beg him to want you.