pippy longstocking Posted December 18, 2012 Share Posted December 18, 2012 lots of love nbr ....thinking of you xxx Link to comment
nbr Posted January 3, 2013 Author Share Posted January 3, 2013 Been a while since I posted on this... Mom had a really bad day New years eve, spent the night at the hospital. She went home at 4:30pm on the first. Got two units of blood and another unit of platelets. My dad signed her up for hospice (she had not wanted to do this before new years because the life sustaining treatments stop, i.e. blood transfusions, and she wanted to have one last Christmas with her grandkids). Well, the following night (wee hours of the second) she had a bad pain episode, was crying out for God. By the time I got there around 10am she was ok, but very upset that she was on hospice (even though she wanted to be on it after Christmas, and verbally had said so new years eve/day). My poor dad was shaking like a leaf, he is so terrified that he made a mistake, or that he'll mess up what meds when. I just gave him a big hug and told him he did the right thing. He started sobbing on my shoulder. I went to go talk to my mom while my wife explained to my dad what was coming next (behavior changes, the whole "she's not your wife" talking to you thing, not to take many things personally, even though that's hard). My mom was very confused (lucid, but perplexed). Why isn't someone going to call emergency? I don't want to be on hospice! Certainly the Doctor knows that I'm ok now! I DON'T WANT TO DIE Spent an hour talking to her (and getting an ativan into her). Had to explain that she only feels ok because of the infusion of blood the day before, and that it's going to get worse and worse. Reminded her that there are people waiting for her. Her mom and dad, aunt and uncle, her "sister" (cousin, but they grew up together). She was sobbing about wanting to see her grandkids do great things. I told her she'll still be able to keep an eye on them. It was very hard for me to be the one to tell my mom that No, you are not getting off hospice, yes you are going to die, and you have about 3 or 4 days where you'll feel ok but after that you're going to get weaker and weaker, and the pain will get worse. I organized all the meds on his bathroom counter, each on a slip of paper with big writing notes what it's for in his terms. Ativan: Anxiety "Centering, Calming", 1 every 2 hours Morphine Sulphate tab: Pain management, "use if pain becomes chronic, or happens very often", 1 every 8 hours Morphine Sulphate liquid: Breakthrough Pain, "one of her episodes", 1/2 ml (up to shoulder on dropper) as needed. Now, strictly the morphine shouldn't be over .5cc / hour, but let's be honest... it doesn't matter any more. Trying to convince my dad that he needs to get on an anti-anxiety med, but I don't know which are compatible with all his heart meds. He's been shaking a lot when there is a point stress, and complaining of chest pain shortly afterwards. To me this sounds like panic attacks. He's still trying to feed her real food she can't digest it, but he makes her an omelet for breakfast, and a light sandwich for lunch. I told him that she should stick to applesauce or apple juice at this point. She's not hungry at all, which is normal at this stage. She's developed a GI bleed that's pretty severe, which in all honesty is a good thing. It's the least messy bleed one can have and will make the final transition (now that transfusions have stopped) much faster. Her pain has not been as severe as I feared it would become. She has episodes, but there doesn't appear to be any chronic pain. The morphine is there if she needs it, but so far hasn't had any. All your prayers have been warmly welcomed, and it looks like God/Yahweh/Allah has heard them. I ask one more round of prayers from all you wonderful people, for my father, that he find some peace with the loss of his wife of 54 years, and for me, that I may have the strength to help him find that peace. -nbr Link to comment
Seraphim Posted January 3, 2013 Share Posted January 3, 2013 May God give your mother a peaceful transition. Hugs. Peace and blessings to you and your father. It is so good to see you both lean on the strength of each other. Through family we can get through anything. Hold each other close. Link to comment
iamkaylee Posted January 4, 2013 Share Posted January 4, 2013 nbr, I am so very, very sorry. Have faith. There is nothing to fear. Your love for one another will see you and your Dad through and God will welcome your Mom home. Prayers continuing for you and your family. Hugs and love to you all. Link to comment
nbr Posted January 5, 2013 Author Share Posted January 5, 2013 Mom passed last night about 6:45 pm. My dad was reading the comics to her. I was supposed to be there at 8:30 so he could get a nights sleep. I stayed overnight with him and got him an emergency psych consult today at 7:45 am. He is going to use my mom's ativan for the next couple days till he can go in Monday. Now that mom has passed on I will focus on my dad. I'll tell him about the split and talk to him about moving in a day or two after the memorial. -nbr Link to comment
Seraphim Posted January 5, 2013 Share Posted January 5, 2013 I am so so very sorry for your loss. Link to comment
iamkaylee Posted January 5, 2013 Share Posted January 5, 2013 I am so very, very sorry for your loss. Link to comment
nbr Posted January 6, 2013 Author Share Posted January 6, 2013 Here's my FB post to notify family and friends. some of her students from 4H (years ago) posted how she made a difference to their lives and perspective about growing your own food. It was very nice to read. -nbr Link to comment
Seraphim Posted January 6, 2013 Share Posted January 6, 2013 What a beautiful memorial. She would have been pleased I am sure. Link to comment
iamkaylee Posted January 6, 2013 Share Posted January 6, 2013 A grand lady and a very beautiful notice. I'm sure she would love it. Link to comment
Capricorn3 Posted January 7, 2013 Share Posted January 7, 2013 I'm so sorry for your loss. May she rest in peace. My thoughts are with you. Link to comment
nbr Posted January 7, 2013 Author Share Posted January 7, 2013 Just got done with the funeral home for the cremation and such. Felt it was a good idea to be there for my dad, and boy was it. He's suffering very much and doesn't even know it. Eyes can't focus well, feels "weird", sleep is not really restful, really disjointed confusing dreams. I haven't told him about my wife and I splitting or that I would like to move in with him, I want to wait till after the memorial, but might have to move that up. -nbr Link to comment
iamkaylee Posted January 7, 2013 Share Posted January 7, 2013 I'm glad you were there with him. It's hitting him very hard Do what you think best about telling him. He might welcome having you just come stay a "few days" right now though. Hugs for all. Link to comment
nbr Posted January 7, 2013 Author Share Posted January 7, 2013 I'm not going to move out of the marital home in any meaningful way till we have a support and custody agreement written and signed. She's been getting meaner and I don't want to get bent over too badly. As to dad, I'm doing as much as I can. He gets to feeling guilty very easily about taking up my time, so I've had to balance it to be when I'm needed most. -nbr Link to comment
iamkaylee Posted January 8, 2013 Share Posted January 8, 2013 As always, don't neglect yourself, do what's right for you and I'm cheering you on. You've been balancing like a champ through all this and I have faith in you. You're a good man nbr. Don't ever doubt that. Link to comment
pippy longstocking Posted January 8, 2013 Share Posted January 8, 2013 oh darling , god bless your mum xxxxxxxx and all my love and strength to you , I am sorry for your loss my love xxx Link to comment
nbr Posted January 8, 2013 Author Share Posted January 8, 2013 As always, don't neglect yourself, do what's right for you and I'm cheering you on. You've been balancing like a champ through all this and I have faith in you. You're a good man nbr. Don't ever doubt that.You know, when I first came here I would call you a liar for that... Now, after a complete breakdown and the resulting 2 weeks and change of treatment I've come out the other side sober and free of tobacco for 45 days and counting, an awesome cookie chef, another 30 pounds gone (eating is hard when you're nearly dead inside), and generally well adjusted to my current situation. As to everyone else, once again, I love you all so much. (((Group hug))) -nbr Link to comment
iamkaylee Posted January 8, 2013 Share Posted January 8, 2013 You know, when I first came here I would call you a liar for that... Now, after a complete breakdown and the resulting 2 weeks and change of treatment I've come out the other side sober and free of tobacco for 45 days and counting, an awesome cookie chef, another 30 pounds gone (eating is hard when you're nearly dead inside), and generally well adjusted to my current situation. As to everyone else, once again, I love you all so much. (((Group hug))) -nbr Bwaaahahahaa!!! I wasn't looking through your fog. Easy to see what's really there when the skies are clear. ;-) -thwap- Link to comment
nbr Posted January 8, 2013 Author Share Posted January 8, 2013 Bwaaahahahaa!!! I wasn't looking through your fog. Easy to see what's really there when the skies are clear. ;-) -thwap- Yeah, you and everyone else. Talked with one of my buddies at work and told him. He said Finally! told me I worked harder at fixing things than anyone else he knows would have ever bothered to try. Sounds a lot like everyone here Link to comment
iamkaylee Posted January 8, 2013 Share Posted January 8, 2013 Yeah well, you'd have been regretting, second guessing and double thinking everything otherwise. It was worth it because she, your kids and your marriage were worth it to you. That's all that counts. Link to comment
pippy longstocking Posted January 13, 2013 Share Posted January 13, 2013 how ya doing darling just leaving you a hug to pick up when your pasing xx Link to comment
nbr Posted January 13, 2013 Author Share Posted January 13, 2013 Well thank you (((hugs))) right back at you, In a way I was blessed. I was in the middle of an intensive therapy program for the separation and stuff when all this started going really downhill, so I was able to lean on the same group of people for support. And I have a somewhat detached attachment style, so I can distance myself a bit and focus on my dad instead. Have made many friends here, and a couple close and fast ones at home. One I'll be singing with at nursing homes (she was a vegas actor/singer at a cabaret show and plays the piano, I do guitar and musicals) so that'll be a blast, and the other gal is at my dojo. Her RS is going down in a fireball because of his Ex. Neither of us are in a mood to date, and we both want some company... perfect So, yes I'm working hard at moving on, last week was my first week back to work in well over a month, it's nice but exhausting. love all you guys and gals here for your support. hugs and fist bumps as appropriate all around. -nbr Link to comment
nbr Posted January 13, 2013 Author Share Posted January 13, 2013 In other news I have 2 months off all at once coming up... I can take it as soon as October 4th of this year and *must* take it by October 4th of 2014. I plan on a two week rock hounding and naturalist trip with my kiddos, but beyond that... anyone have suggestions? If I can save up the funds I'm thinking of asking Star here if I can have a cup of coffee with her, and I think I owe Kaylee at least dinner and a movie (this is all predicated on a miraculous reconciliation not happening of course). -nbr Link to comment
nbr Posted January 14, 2013 Author Share Posted January 14, 2013 (this is all predicated on a miraculous reconciliation not happening of course). -nbr Ha ha ha after today's display that ain't happening... Link to comment
.jpg.1626fbc48c04fd9021fd315819807524.thumb.jpg.882936eb5901fa05cf31c75617acde2e.jpg)
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.