Decisions, Decisions

[shortchica]

I've been with my boyfriend for nearly three years. We've had our issues and come through most of them, with the exception of a few problems outside our control - long story short, his mother has dependency issues and his brother's girlfriend is very difficult to deal with. Other than these issues we can't change, there is nothing distinctly wrong with our relationship. We argue, but not very often and not very intensely. We do fun things together, but not very often and not very intensely. Basically, our relationship is lackluster, but stable. He is average looking and has average intelligence, with average goals in life. He treats me well, he loves me, and he wants the best for me... it's just not exciting.

I understand long term relationships become routine and lose their excitement, but at the age of 22 I find that scary. I recently spent a weekend on business with a friend of mine, someone who I hadn't seen in several years and hadn't really ever gotten to know. After hours upon hours of talking and realizing how similar we are, we started looking for things we DIDN'T have in common. He shares the same passions as myself, the same religious and political views, the same thirst for life. If I had a checklist for what I wanted in a man, he is it. Our connection is pretty intense, and I've developed quite a crush on him, and I know he is experiencing the same. I am so intrigued by him that I can't stop entertaining the idea of being with him. I just have such a hard justifying ending a relationship that is so happy on the surface and could potentially be successful - just average.

 

Reasons of staying with my boyfriend:

- He treats me well and loves me.

- We have fun together and make each other laugh.

- I could have stability in an average life.

- His family has all but adopted me and treats me as his wife, and my family seems to like him as well.

 

Reasons of leaving my boyfriend:

- He is 25 and has no idea what he wants to do with his life - what if that never changes?

- His mother likes me, but poses some "mother in-law" issues with dependency on him.

- If his brother's girlfriend sticks around, I can't have a relationship with his brother.

- He isn't very driven to succeed the way I am.

- I have questioned my relationship with him before; it's not just this new guy making me think.

- He doesn't meet all of my "criteria" of dating.

 

 

Reasons to date this other guy:

- He shares my passions. I can see myself traveling the world with him.

- He is very intelligent and knowledgeable in subjects I enjoy.

- I feel like I could have the same relationship I have now, but with shared interests

 

 

Reasons not to date this other guy:

- I don't know what my family would think. He is 10 years older than me, and while my parents are 9 years apart, I don't know if they would understand.

- He lives two hours away, in an area I've considered moving to. It would be about a year until I could financially afford to move.

- I know what he's told me, but I don't know if dating him would be what I believe it would be.

 

 

 

What do I do? I've been thinking about this a lot and gone through many scenarios in my head. I don't necessarily want to jump from one guy to another, and I'd be open to staying single or just dating for some time before making things official with this other guy, especially since it would take a while for me to relocate near him. I don't want to just uproot my life and latch onto another guy, because I feel like I jumped into my current relationship too fast.

Do I leave an average but potentially happy relationship for one that's exciting and gives me what I've been looking for?

[BrianH46]

Tell your boyfriend how you feel and let him decide if he wants a woman like you as a life partner.

[sh3ann3]

Hi, I myself haven't felt the way you are feeling at the moment however I may have some advice on how you can re 'spark' your relationship with your current boyfriend. Some days you may feel this way because it IS more of a ROUTINE now, try doing something different, something you've never done with him before. It also helps to remember or reminisce on the first day you met him, you'll see that it will bring butterfly in your stomach again ;-). Remember your first date with him, your first kiss...etc.

 

Does he still make you laugh? Do you not get excited when you go home to him or come see him??? you could ask these questions to your self too.

 

This other guy you speak of on the other hand: He is merely just for example a 'celebrity' Hugh Jackman for instance. Hugh jackman is successful, rich, handsome, nice body, sexy accent etc. Things that you would OBVIOUSLY fall for, however do you see yourself having a relationship with him? I know you might want to, but if u think about your future with him, is it something you would want? imagine your life with him.

 

So back to this other guy, OPPOSITES ATTRACT, remember that. just because you have ALL things in common, doesnt necessarily mean his the one for you. If u have a bestfriend thats a girl, and you both like all the same things or agree on everything (the reason your bestfriends) does this mean you should date her???

 

Just try this atleast. Try to reminisce on the first dates you had with your current boyfriend, what he did to make you laugh or smile.

 

Alot of relationships can lose 'spark' sometimes, just try something new. Go on a vacation or something with him, go ask him why he loves you. =)

[Moonphase]

I wouldn't leave your wonderful boyfriend for some older guy you've talked to once or twice. At least give him the respect he deserves by giving the relationship the best possible chance before deciding he isn't good enough. Try to bring the excitement back in. Break the routine. Be eachother's sweethearts again.

[metrogirl]

Just because you have that connection now doesn't mean it's going to last. People change, people lie....he can fill your head with romantic ideas but what happens when you find out he isn't what or who you thought he was, then what?

 

If you want excitement, skydive.

[Klokwurk]

Dont leave one guy for another because things get boring.

 

Leave someone if they treat you like crap, make you feel awful.

 

You are so young, you have no idea how troubling relationships can be - the devil you know is better than the devil you dont.

 

Or dont listen to any of us, leave your stable boyfriend, hook up with this new guy and PRAY he wants you as much as you want him and that it can reach the level of stability you have with your current boyfriend, with all that extra excitement thrown in... Because if it doesnt work out, LOL if you think your first boyfriend will want you back.

 

Or take some time off boys and work on your own life.