pnoy Posted October 5, 2012 Share Posted October 5, 2012 Feeling really down today went on my exes facebook i know i shoundnt have but i cant help it saw he added a friend which am sure is his new girlfriend she looks really pretty i just feel so gutted although i knew someday it woud happen its only been 6 mnths since we broke up but iam so hurt i just want these feelings to go away i truly loved him wish i could get over him i know in time i will but it just gets harder everyday Link to comment
pippy longstocking Posted October 5, 2012 Share Posted October 5, 2012 darling we both know what everyone is going to say .. I wont say it cos I am as mad as a box frogs today Link to comment
pnoy Posted October 5, 2012 Author Share Posted October 5, 2012 Hi star i know there gonna say dont punish urself by looking on his facebook i know i know iam torturing myself god i hate myself at the moment i just want to be loved Link to comment
idkxxx Posted October 5, 2012 Share Posted October 5, 2012 DON'T look at his facebook, from personal experience it delays moving on a lot especially seeing that they've moved on. my ex has feelings for another girl, either that or is seeing a bunch of them. i don't know which one anymore because I haven't snooped or asked in a while. it's only been just over a month. it kills and hurts but you learn to accept it. I would advise to cut contact, delete him from facebook. it'll help you in the long run Link to comment
pnoy Posted October 5, 2012 Author Share Posted October 5, 2012 I have deleted him but i opened a false account i know stupidly wish i hadnt just feel heartbroken Link to comment
I_Speak_Jive Posted October 5, 2012 Share Posted October 5, 2012 OK, first of all, punctuation isn't optional; it's designed to make written communication comprehensible. Because I mean, really, every thread. Second, you'll never get over anyone as long as you continue thinking that you have no control over your situation. It's about time to take those "I can't help it" statements and exchange them for "I just felt like" ones. You're not possessed by an outer force that pushes you to check up on your ex - you are just helping yourself to another big spoonful of pain. You are not a piece of flesh with no will of its own, Pnoy, so stop referring to yourself as one. Unless you want another six months of the same, that is. Once you establish that everything that's happening to you is because you are making it happen, you will find it a lot easier to stop torturing yourself unnecessarily. There is a world of difference between feeling a loss, working through the pain and coming out stronger and healthier with a bunch of learnt lessons and new and empowering self-awareness, on one hand; and being self-indulgent in your victimhood and refusing to do all the emotional work that every single one of us needs to do in order to evolve as individuals. Having said all this, heartbreak is really painful and I am sorry about that and I really hope you feel better soon. Just, you know, remember to actually feel better. Link to comment
pippy longstocking Posted October 5, 2012 Share Posted October 5, 2012 OK, first of all, punctuation isn't optional; it's designed to make written communication comprehensible. Because I mean, really, every thread. who the hell are you , the punctuation police Link to comment
soybeans Posted October 5, 2012 Share Posted October 5, 2012 You know deep down this is inevitable...that he will eventually find someone new and develop feelings for them and get into another relationship. Maybe even a better relationship than what he had with you. But you know what? So can you. And eventually when you have taken this time to reflect and heal yourself, you WILL. And I used to feel the same way, wanting to control him from afar and get mad or uncomfortable if I suspected he was seeing someone. But there is literally nothing you can do and by wasting your mental energy worrying about it, you are only hurting yourself in the end. Don't be too hard on yourself for looking at his FB. It happens. Just at least realize that nothing good will come of it. You have to want to separate yourself from the situation. In his mind, it is done, yet you are the only one that is still harboring feelings. They are one-sided. He is clearly moving on and looking for someone who better suits him. Not better than you, just better for him and his lifestyle right now. At one time, you were what he wanted, but you are no longer. So either accept this (and it won't happen overnight) or continue to go on missing the ghost of someone who will never be again. Yeah, I know it sucks to read that and think about it but it has to be said. I had to drill it into my head for a while and be tough on myself so I could snap out of it. I was always throwing a pity party and wondering how, oh how, could someone do this to the person they claimed to love. It gets you no where. No matter how much you get sad or analyze things it will always be the same--it's over, it will never be again, and there is nothing anyone can do or say to change that. I eventually realized that even though I thought he was the one for me, we were not compatible as a couple and that there was someone else out there who was a better fit for me. Who that is, I don't even know, but I know that there is also someone out there for my ex who will be a better match for him and his personality/lifestyle. It made me sad for a very long time to know that it wasn't me, despite what he felt and told me while we were together, but I had to break away from hanging onto every word he ever said and make my own conclusions from the situation. Chin up. Link to comment
dasilver Posted October 5, 2012 Share Posted October 5, 2012 Pnoy is not ready to move on from her ex... You guys can post until you are blue in the face...she's not ready... Link to comment
mhowe Posted October 5, 2012 Share Posted October 5, 2012 who the hell are you , the punctuation police SS -- if you are as mad as a box of frogs (funny), don't post today! Because punctuation really does make them (1) readable and (2) coherent thoughts instead of stream of consciousness ramblings. Hope your day gets better. Link to comment
pippy longstocking Posted October 5, 2012 Share Posted October 5, 2012 SS -- if you are as mad as a box of frogs (funny), don't post today! Because punctuation really does make them (1) readable and (2) coherent thoughts instead of stream of consciousness ramblings. Hope your day gets better. in this instance it was very readable , I have seen a lot worse , with tx tlk an t ain gr8 either ...but nothing is said ..pnoy is unhappy ..very unhappy , doesnt need to be told how to write as well thankyou for well wishes xx Link to comment
mhowe Posted October 5, 2012 Share Posted October 5, 2012 OP is dwelling in a place of misery, to be sure. But actively doing so. Deleting FB account, only to set up a fake in order to stalk ex -- that is a choice. And an unhealthy one. No one has ever said a break up is easy; it is not. But we can choose to minimize our pain...or we can throw gas on the fire. Link to comment
leftme Posted October 5, 2012 Share Posted October 5, 2012 How old are you pnoy? Age range will do. Link to comment
pippy longstocking Posted October 5, 2012 Share Posted October 5, 2012 But actively doing so. Deleting FB account, only to set up a fake in order to stalk ex -- that is a choice. And an unhealthy one. pnoy , this is how it is darling xx hope you ok Link to comment
FreeFallFeelin Posted October 5, 2012 Share Posted October 5, 2012 Pnoy, don't feel stupid for caving in and checking facebook. Of course it's better if you can stay away, but you already know that. Humans are curious by nature, and especially about the person that is the focus of their heart. NC is a "technique" for allowing yourself to heal in a hyper-connected digital world. But you're still human, and it's normal to falter, especially in times of severe stress. Don't worry about what everyone on this board is going to say and don't feel stupid. You are in good company here. I caved and checked my ex's fb about a week ago, after ten months of rock solid NC. It was painful as hell to see pictures of her with the guy she left me for, but at the same time it absolutely squashed all hope. Even little tiny shreds of hope that I had hidden in dark corners of denial. All hope dead. And believe it or not it feels like it was what I needed to push me forward. NC is a good philosophy, but it's not the law of the universe. Link to comment
mhowe Posted October 5, 2012 Share Posted October 5, 2012 No one is saying it is stupid. It is human, but it is unhealthy. And if the poster has read any of the posts on the forum, then she knows it won't make her feel better. Link to comment
pnoy Posted October 5, 2012 Author Share Posted October 5, 2012 Thanks all for your replys sorry about the spelling. i know iam punishing myself just feel really hurt at the moment but i know in time this will pass thank you all Link to comment
Qwerty999 Posted October 5, 2012 Share Posted October 5, 2012 I did the same yesterday with my ex, It totally kills so i understand how you are feeling. Best thing to do is either block them or if you're not strong enough then deactivate your profile, Even if it's just for a few weeks, that's what i've done and i feel alot better today knowing that i can't see anything. Be strong, I fully understand how tough it is but it's something that must be done if you are to heal. Best of luck to you. Link to comment
TriColors Posted October 5, 2012 Share Posted October 5, 2012 Feeling really down today went on my exes facebook i know i shoundnt have but i cant help it saw he added a friend which am sure is his new girlfriend she looks really pretty i just feel so gutted although i knew someday it woud happen its only been 6 mnths since we broke up but iam so hurt i just want these feelings to go away i truly loved him wish i could get over him i know in time i will but it just gets harder everyday Quick question -- do you know for a fact that he has a new girlfriend or are you just speculating? If not, don't read into it, she could be a co-worker, a friend's girlfriend, etc. Link to comment
pnoy Posted October 6, 2012 Author Share Posted October 6, 2012 No i dont know for sure if its his girlfriend iam just presuming Link to comment
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