Sometimes...it gets worse.

[SolFeather]

Just an update on my story. My wife was not willing to meet my needs at all - the needs I had to move forward with this relationship. And my needs were few. But regardless, she was unwilling to do that...so I ended it. I could not move forward with someone who was unashamed of what they did, with someone who did not regret every moment of their affair. How could I forgive in that circumstance? How could I respect myself going forward? So I ended it last night. I am completely heartbroken over it - shattered really. It was probably the hardest thing I have ever had to do. We have been married 15 years...and have 4 kids. She was the love of my life....but the love of my life did this horrible thing to me...shamelessly.

 

Sometimes there are not happy endings. Or perhaps my happy ending lies further down the road - with someone else who can love me and respect me in the way I deserve...

[lalalollipops]

YAY! HeY I'm so relieved and proud of you! Letting go initially is extremely difficult, and I'm sure there will be times in the near future where you'll wonder if you truly did the right thing, but just remember that NOBODY deserves to be betrayed like that and that you're meant for something much better! Today's the start of a glorious new life.

 

DONT'T let her manipulate you in the future, when you get those divorce papers, cut her off completely bc she's going to use you in the future if u don't.

[SolFeather]

Thank you Lalalollipops! It has been very difficult...and the main reason it has gone this long is that I needed to do everything I could to see if it could work out. Its 15 years of marriage and 4 young kids...so I wanted to be sure that down the road I could say to myself 'You did what you could do. You tried. But you did the right thing in the end'. I din't want any lingering doubts about whether the decision was right or not. I mean I have a few of those even now...but I imagine that this is common so soon after. I still feel it was right...I think it is the uncertainty of the future that gives me doubt.

[iamkaylee]

Solfeather, lingering doubts are common when it's your own decision. For the people on the outside though (like this forum) the decision is crystal clear. I fully believe you have made the right decision and that you have done all you can do.

 

Perhaps your happy ending is in fact, an ending so you can move forward and be happy again.

[bialoman]

How are things Sol?

 

I just read your thread and hope you are doing well. Awful what happened to you and I truly hope you are feeling better. I cannot believe how some people can act towards people they are 'in love' with or like you, shared a life and children with for 15 years.

I'm sure your road will be rocky and it might feel like walking over it, but the new assvault will be laid very soon. (A terrible metaphor) but all the best, dude.

[SingleAgain33]

I read somewhere that marriage is not only a gift to thr couple, but a gift to the world. The two people are better together than they are separate. Only you know if that is true.

[SolFeather]

Things are still quite rough for me. We are separated, but she is living in my basement still until she gets a job, and her life in order. It is much like an open wound with her here...I feel like I am constantly reminded of what she did and some days it feels as raw as the day I found out. Things would be easier if she were just gone. And she is hesitant to move forward with the 'thigns' of separation...separating accounts, credit cards, ownership of the house, etc. Other than that, though, I have more and more hoep every day that life without her will be much better than life with her. She is not the type of person that should be married or in a long term relationship of any kind. I deserve someone that will treat me right...and I think I will find it (hopefully sooner rather than later)

[bialoman]

You will find it, Sol and you do deserve it. You have had a hellish journey.

 

Having her in your basement is being too kind. I'd have her out. Hopefully she is gone into her own place soon as you have said that it is even stopping your development of moving on.

 

Keep busy though. Do the things you always wanted to but didn't have time to - any hobbies or interests that you have, any free time you have do that, and keep your mind ticking over. Having kids I understand you probably don't have too much free time to yourself, but whenever I've been down or hurt in a relationship I've always found the times alone and flicking the tv that I think a lot about it. I don't know if you are into sports, but jogging, running, even walking is great for releasing serotonin and with running, you'll be too busy thinking or sweating your ass off to give her second thoughts. It's tough to begin but once you get in the door after some cardio, you will feel great.

 

You sound like a nice guy and I'm sure there is plenty of nice ladies out there looking for a guy like you. I like how you are positive and your last bit there is good to stay in that frame of mind. You are a good guy and keep reminding yourself of this if you are going through a bad patch and keeping on repeating it. I've found in the past if I was hurt through a relationship falling down or whatever (I've been cheated on too in the past) that I kept assesing it and thinking what was wrong with me, why did she do it? I wasn't good enough for her, and then I realised that yes, I was good enough for her and although nobody's perfect I treated her well, she just was a selfish cow.

 

Take each day at a time. Enjoy your free time. Go for beers(if you dont' drink, some other fun activity) with friends and family, and laugh, get out there and life live.

 

It will work out in the end, trust me, it will and remember ''Every dog has its day''.

[SolFeather]

Thanks for your note here, man, it is nice to hear. She is still in my basement as she has no job at this point and no way to support herself. She is actively looking for a job, so that is a good sign...but because she will get the kids 50% of the time, she needs a job and a place that she can have the kids at that time. So she will remain in my basement until that is stable - sadly.

 

I have kept myself busy with martial arts...I ahve always had it as a hobby but I have increased my time going there. The cardio helps, it really does. I have also poured myself into cleaning and fixing up my house as well. My ex was horrible at keeping it in any way clean and I never complained as I didn't want to rock the boat of what I thought wa a good marriage otherwise....but now I am putting som eelbow grease into cleaning it the way I like and making plans to fix it up to my standard. I have gotten out a lot more to have drinks with friends as well. It helps.

[SURPRISE]

Hi SolFeather, I have not seen you post anything about how you are doing in almost 6 months now. How have things been going? Did you stick to your guns? Has anything changed? I hope this note finds you doing much better!