How to ask girlfriends dad for permission to Marry

[junior_1013]

How should I go about asking my girlfriends dad for permission to marry her. I want to be traditional and all but here is the problem, all of her family is against me and they don't like me too much. I pretty much know that when I ask, he is going to tell me no. Her and I have had our problems in the past in which we have always worked them out and the last time, her dad told her that he didn't think that was a good idea for her wanting to work things out. Some of her family told her that if we did get back together, that they would not speak to her anymore. We are pretty much hiding it from everyone right now, but I'm sure they all know. I really don't know what to say to her father and what to say if he would tell me no and that he wants nothing to do with it. If anyone has any ideas, please help!!!

[hazlcha]

Hey Junior,

 

Congratulations on your relationship and expected marriage. Good luck.

 

Could use some more details on your case. Why is her family opposed so much, and what issues have you had to keep working out? Are those two things related?

 

It's a good idea to be sure why they don't support her and why they feel so strongly that they won't even talk to her afterwards. They may be controlling people who want to dictate who she marries, or they may simply be really concerned that you two are not compatible, at least in their eyes. If you understand their objections, you can, first of all, honestly ask yourself if they aren't correct. Second of all, if you know that they're wrong about you, you can think how to overcome their objections.

 

The most important thing to do when you do talk is to listen and acknowledge whatever objections they have. Even say back to him, " I understand why you are reluctant, because you feel that ... (repeat back to him whatever he said to you)." That way he knows he's been heard. Then you can ask him what it would take to make him reconsider. Then take the time to think about what he tells you and see if changes are in order. Alternatively, if you have enough confidence to show him that he misjudged you, you can show him how what he wants for his daughter is what you want for her and will provide.

 

I'm saying all this just guessing about your details. If religion is an issue, for example, his objection will not be overcome by anything you say. So it really depends on what the objections are and how you can satisfy them.

 

Hope this gives you something to think about.

[PAdreamer]

If her father says "no", that doesn't mean you two can't or SHOULDN'T get married. The relationship is about the two of you and what YOU want. While family is important, the choice is yours, not theirs. And if he says "no", at least you can say that you did the right thing by asking first. If you two decide to get married, you will have plenty of time and opportunity to prove yourself to her family.

[tiger_lilies]

How beautifully romantic!!!

I second everything that Hazlcha says. Especially about the religion part. Perhaps you could also suggest a long engagement to prove that you are worthy of his daughter.

[Day_Walker]

If her family has some serious issues with you then what do you think you are going to accomplish by asking her dad if you can marry her? Your ideas of grandure and romance seem too far fetched. What you really need to do is think why her family doesnt like you? Are you prepared for what might happen if you do get married and her family decides not to speak to you both? You need to examine all of these possibilities and decide if you are ready for that.

[PAdreamer]

Actually, Day, asking her father for permission is a great way to start showing the family that he's worthy. He's humbling himself and showing them that he understands the importance of family and he respects the position of the father.

[mahlina]

Junior,

 

I can sympathize with you. My ex did the same thing. All except, he asked in a different way, and my step-dad rejected him. It was nothing but heartache for him. And, we also did the whole 'hiding the relationship away from the family' thing. It did not help at all. It was really straining on our relationship! Towards the end of close to the 4th year, I grew apart from him, mainly due to some of the decisions that he made (that also contributed to the distrust that my mom and step-dad had for him). Anyway, even if her dad does object to your proposal, it doesn't matter.

 

Ultimately, what matters most is if she wants to marry you. I didn't want to marry my ex, so make sure that your girlfriend may also want to marry you. I only stuck through the relationship, because I'm just the type of person who doesn't give up. But after a while, it was time for me to realize that I just didn't have feelings for him anymore. Make sure that your proposal isn't a way of trying to repatch problems in your relationship. Marriage is a huge issue. So, make sure that you do have a strong bond/foundation before you do decide to propose. Sounds like you guys do. Best of luck to your romance!