Is it possible to turn a "no" into a "yes"?

[Capricorn3]

^ THIS.

 

OP: You need to re-read this post many many many times and let it sink in. Print it and stick it on your walls where you see it every single day. It's the answer to all your questions.

[Wayfara]

I don't understand why she wouldn't be interested in me.

 

When someone doesn't want to date you there is always hundreds of possible reasons why because people are flawed. We all have ours quirks and physical imperfections, even the smart, rich supermodels. You could be "all that", have the money, the looks, the smarts and there would still always be a reason why someone wouldn't want to date you. Attraction can make someone see past the flaws and make the object of attraction seem datable despite them, maybe even initially blind them to them, but attraction still have to kick in for it to happen. There are also times someone might look perfect on paper (they are not perfect though, no one is when you start digging) but they lack that certain something that draws you in, you are just not attracted to them for whatever strange reason, you might not even know why. Without attraction it doesn't matter how good someone is because attraction is an essential ingredient, it would be like making tomato salad with tomatoes.

 

I don't mean that to sound arrogant, nor do I mean it to sound like I have ill will towards her for it. I just don't understand "attraction"; we seem like such a good match, and we get along so well. If that doesn't build attraction, what does? What is this magical quality that brings two people together?

 

Getting along well is not what creates attraction, it just increases the likelihood of attraction. Unfortunately I don't think anybody knows what exactly creates attraction, it is like describing what love is, you can come close but you will never come up with an exact definition.

 

I just thought maybe it wouldn't matter as much, yanno? I mean, I'm not that bad looking, and she's not some super hot super model or whatever.

 

Attraction always matters, except maybe for arranged marriages and gold diggers. Most people need both emotional/romantic attraction and physical attraction. Physical attraction isn't strictly related to looks, and all looks are to big part subjective. There are some male actors with supermodel looks that I would reject based on looks alone and I am by no means a super model myself. Then there are some that are considered ugly but I think look cute, life is strange sometimes.

 

Physical attraction can sometimes grow from emotional attraction, sometimes friendship turn into something more, but there are never guarantees. I have some male some friends that are not bad looking at all but they are just not what I look for in a relationship emotionally, there are different personality criterias for friendships and relationships.

[annie24]

just because you are not bad looking and she is not a supermodel doesn't mean that she "should" be attracted to you or whatever. everyone is so different, and we all have different tastes. i went out with a girlfriend a few weeks ago - we met a guy who was in a band, long hair, eyeliner. she fell in love. i was like, 'meh....'

 

some girls like skinny guys, some like chubby guys, some like black guys, some like asian guys, and so on....

[annie24]

well, like i also said in the first page of this thread - i do know guys who were persistent and are now happily married to these women. but i think that it can also be a colossal waste of your time and heart and at worst, could get you slapped with a restraining order if she finds your attentions menacing rather than charming. it's really up to you - to decide how much/how long you are willing to wait for her to come around, if she does at all.