SteelJM1 Posted September 12, 2012 Share Posted September 12, 2012 Hi guys. Ill try to keep this short reading.. A bit of history: I met my most recent ex about 7 months ago (hereafter as M), after being out of a relationship for about 4 months. I really wasn't looking, though I was over my previous ex (and her over me). M came for me. She was a former friend/colleague of a close friend of mine (A)* (more on that later). I wasn't really looking for anything serious, and neither was she, according to her. But it went there. Within a few weeks of our first "date" she was referring herself as my girlfriend, a few weeks after that, she started dropping the "love" bomb. I explained to her that I don't just go answer back in kind because that word means a lot to me... but eventually I fell in love myself. And fell hard. Our relationship was not tumultuous. We only really had one argument when I stated that at this point I didn't see myself getting married to anyone, because I have some problems with the religious and governmental aspects of marriage, that I feel that commitment doesn't need to be written on a piece of paper to be true. She stated that she also didn't want to get married (again) but still got angry at me for that. The only other problem that I saw was her kids, 3 of them, 16, 8, and 6. Not that I have a problem with kids, but I just don't gravitate towards them naturally, don't really know how to interact with them very well, but she would say that I didn't like them. I did and have fun with them... she was the one shooing them away all the time, getting angry at the ex husband if she had to have them for more than two nights in a row... and even said she wished she got a job on the other side of the state so she didn't have to deal with them anymore. A few months into our relationship I started bringing my best friend (J) around. The kind of best friend in which we were attached at the hip. If I wasn't with M, I was with him. He didn't want to hang around us originally because he felt she slighted him before her and i got together... He had a crush on her, but she though he was weird and really didn't give him the time of day. But I figured since she was my awesome girlfriend and he was my best friend they could get over it and we could hang out with no hard feelings. And we did! It was great! Then a couple months after that, seemingly out of the blue, she broke it off with me. That was about 6 weeks ago. I didn't think anything was wrong with the relationship at all, but for whatever reason, be it shock or denial I didn't fight it. The three of us continued to hang out after that for about 10 days while I was in denial, then I had to fly accross the country to visit family for 10 days. During that time home the reality of the breakup started to really sink in and I wasn't having it. I wanted her back. Her breakup made no sense to me so I figured I could talk to her after returning and perhaps restart where we left off when we both realized how much we missed each other. But when I returned, something felt different. I don't honestly remember if they'd decided before or after the breakup, but she was moving in to his place because she couldn't afford to stay at hers and he had the room. I wanted to offer her, But i didn't have the room either. Still she always stated that she'd never live with a guy she was dating... The next weekend after I returned, something didn't feel right. They were acting weird. Some of the things they did (such as her staying in the same room as him overnight after a party... in my house) didn't add up. A lot of things didn't add up... and I had this horrendous feeling in my stomach. I decided to drive up to his place at 2am, hoping and praying that I wouldn't see her car still there because she wasn't moved in yet, but it was. And then I heard it. And then I saw it. That apparently wasn't their first time either. While I was gone, she texted me one morning saying she "senses that you slept with one of your girl-friends back home". I had no idea where the hell she would have gotten this idea, but now it makes sense that she was just projecting, because that was the morning after their first, which was just over two weeks after she broke it off with me. Now here I am, lost and alone, with a shattered heart, feeling stupid because A had warned me in the beginning to steer clear of her, because A had known her for a long time. Stupid because I ignored the fact that she had two boyfriends at the time she started with me, which she promptly broke off with, one of whom was married. Ignored the fact that she had relations with a married pastor. Ignored that she got fired from a place of employment because she was hooking up with one of her clients. And then found out afterwards that her second kid was used as a trap for her ex husband. M has destroyed the friendship between her and me, J and me, J and A, and many others. And she doesn't seem to care. Just last week she texted me asking when when I was going to stop hurting so we can be friends again. That's love? She says that it "just happened" but I dont buy it. She lied to A's face when she told A that nothing was ever going to happen with him. What the hell is wrong with ME that I still have feelings for this horrid person? I feel like I'll never be able to trust anyone or myself again. I feel betrayed, humiliated, and yet I cant get her out of my goddamned mind. Now she's coming over tomorrow to drop off some stuff I left behind at J's place, all while stating how much she misses me and that it's not easy for her either. Reading that just angers me, I just want to yell at her "it wasn't very hard either! You have someone to make you feel better and of course he'll never tell you that you were wrong in what you did! You jumped right into his arms (bed) after you were sure you had him lined up!" That is of course until she does the same thing to him. I just don't know how to feel anymore. Sorry if my post is all scatterbrained... I just... can't understand this. Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted September 12, 2012 Share Posted September 12, 2012 I think this is one of those lessons that you have to have integrity when you go into a relationship, and demand that of your partner. If not, you will get the mess they gave the guy before you. She cheated to be with you. She (may) have cheated to get away from you. Either way, she was out of order in getting with your bf. I wouldn't want much to do with him anymore either. No more girls with bfs right? Link to comment
dasilver Posted September 12, 2012 Share Posted September 12, 2012 OMG!!!!....I am sorry....Ohh...i am truly very sorry...That someone could hurt another human being like this is shameful. My heart goes out to you OP.....i'm really sorryou're hurting like this....really.....i am..... Link to comment
SteelJM1 Posted September 12, 2012 Author Share Posted September 12, 2012 No more girls with bfs right? Nope.. though in my defense I didn't find that part out until just after. Still not an excuse for ignoring it. I have no fantasies of getting back with her, because she showed her true colors. I'm just wondering what the hell is wrong with ME that I chose to ignore this.. and why my heart hurts so bad. I don't ache over the former best friend, he can go screw, and slowly kill himself with his lifestyle. So why do I ache over her? Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted September 12, 2012 Share Posted September 12, 2012 Because you are human. Take the lesson and have a good cry. Link to comment
Justme3 Posted September 12, 2012 Share Posted September 12, 2012 I know what you mean. Why feel so much pain over someone that completely disrespected you. And to top it off, ignore the red flags. That's why I still think whats wrong with me! Just wanted you to know there are others that wonder the same things you do. Link to comment
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