My colleague wrote me a personal letter. Should I read it?

[PrettyGood]

Let's start with the fact that my male colleague is 21 y.o. while I'm 7 years older. I'm working in the company not that long ago and he noticed me from the very first day. He helped me a lot and he had a good sense of humor. So we got along very well at work. If he noticed that I was tired, he bought me a cup of coffee from the vending machine. Then he shared several sweets between me, him and our colleagues. We work at the night shift, so usually the taxi takes me home. However, he has a car and several times he asked me and drove me home himself.

 

Not so long ago he started asking me out for a cup of coffee. I rejected it saying I don't want any misunderstandings because we are working together. He said "let's go out as friends, it's not a date". I rescheduled it twice. The third time I was ready to go but I heard my other colleague saying that he thinks I am asking him out first and then reschedule it. I got angry and declined his suggestion to meet. He was shocked and disappointed. He agreed that some colleagues know that he would like to go for a cup of coffee with me, but that was the fake rumor.

 

I rejected him 3 times and didn't went anywhere out with him. Today (a week later) he came to me and asked to go out to talk in person. We went out to the parking lot and he said that he was drinking last night with his friend and because he was drunk, he wrote me a paper letter. I asked "so where is it and what is it about?" He asked me not to get crazy or angry on him and promised to bring it tomorrow to read. He said "there you won't find any bad things of you, don't worry, but it's personal".

 

Should I read his letter? And how should I react if he confess something personal in it?

[camus154]

Why are you even asking about the letter or what it contains? In your own words, you rejected him three times. So why are you being wishy washy in even entertaining any of this?

 

Tell him there's nothing to talk about, you don't care about any letter, and to take the hint. Then stop giving mixed signals.

[PrettyGood]

I was just very curious about the letter. I wanted to read it, but also I told him that I won't promise to react to it in anyway, because he was drunk and I don't want to destroy our working relations.

[camus154]

You're playing with fire here. If you want nothing to do with this guy outside of a working relationship, then this is inappropriate. Right now you're giving him mixed signals and he will only continue to entertain them.

[RedDress]

Yeah... admit it. You are a little bit curious and a little bit flattered.

 

I agree with camus. When he goes to hand you the letter, just tell him that you thought about it and you don't really want to know. Tell him that you are colleagues and you would like for the relationship to remain professional. Don't take it, accept it or read it.

 

You already know what's going to be in there... it's going to be a confession of some kind (that he likes you?). Then you will have to reject him again (and harder).

 

Avoid, avoid, avoid. And don't let him drive you home anymore, either.

[Angel Irulan]

Let me ask you this: are you physically attracted to him? Do you like him as a person? If you did not work together, would you be more agreeable to dating him? It's obvious that he's got a MAJOR CRUSH on you!

 

I sense a lot of ambivalence in your post! So you asked HIM about the letter, as if you wanted to read it, and now are wondering if you should really follow through. I know, it's hard sometimes because when an office romance goes wrong, it's difficult to separate the feeling of the personal you from the professional persona you project.

 

What is the worst thing that could happen here, if you were to go out with him?

 

Angel

[PrettyGood]

Let me ask you this: are you physically attracted to him? Do you like him as a person? If you did not work together, would you be more agreeable to dating him? It's obvious that he's got a MAJOR CRUSH on you!

 

I sense a lot of ambivalence in your post! So you asked HIM about the letter, as if you wanted to read it, and now are wondering if you should really follow through. I know, it's hard sometimes because when an office romance goes wrong, it's difficult to separate the feeling of the personal you from the professional persona you project.

 

What is the worst thing that could happen here, if you were to go out with him?

 

Angel

 

I think he's cute in person, but I can't see his cuteness in his appearance cause he's very very young. It's like dating a guy who just finished his school. That's not fair and creepy. But also I've never met anyone so caring, honest and friendly with me. Once he confessed me that he lost his gf when he was 16. She died and he fell into depression which lasted for years. Now he feels much better. I can see how happy he is when he comes to the work and I am in the good mood too. So I could say he motivates me to work better. Once I told him that I would think of going for a cup of coffee if we were not colleagues, but then he said "Look, I'm gonna leave this job on the December. I wanted to do this long time ago and then I started doubting myself again. I'm scared that I would get fired by my boss if he would find out about such "flirt" so I'm just restraining myself from giving him a positive "yes" anytimes he's asking me nicely.

 

I wrote him a reply not so long ago and explained that there would be no good for any of us if I get that letter so I asked not to give it to me. I thanked for his courage and honesty to tell it. He replied that he will give me that letter anyway and said "It's your business if you read it or not, just please don't throw it to the recycle bin." I asked what's the point of doing this if I don't want to do anything with it and I want just professional relations. He replied "You would understand what I am feeling in my life nowadays". It's like trying to explain him that it's natural for his age to do such things but it's not good after all for the professional relations.

[Angel Irulan]

I have to tell you up front that I dated a man 23 years younger before. I understand the age gap problem, but really, 7 years is something I really don't consider a gap. I can see that you do. I hope you will look back on this decision not to date him as a wise one. Later, you might not be so judgmental about age. You love whom you love. Go to link removed and post your predicament and then tell them how you feel about the whole age thing. You'll get tons of support if you really want to try dating someone who's younger.

Angel

[camus154]

7 years is absolutely a gap when you're talking about the 20's. A 21 year old man is not too far off from essentially being a child, whereas being on the other end of that decade you've actually done some real adult living and have an entirely different perspective on things.

 

His reply to your request for him not to bring you this letter illustrates the maturity gap exactly--he ignored your wishes and still insists that you hear how he's feeling. If you still want nothing to do with him romantically, you're going to have to stand your ground and make it clear he's not getting the hint.

[PrettyGood]

Camus, I think you are right. I wrote him that he'd better not bring the letter because it won't do any good for anyone and I don't want to feel awkward later on at the workplace. I wrote him that now I have the motivation and good mood and good working relations to work with him and I don't want to destroy them by reading his letter. He just cut me off the messaging replying "I didn't mean that exactly, but however. Forget it."

[LDRohnos]

Save yourself some drama and avoid hanging with him, getting rides home with him or becoming "BFF's" if you have no intention of pursuing a relationship with him. It's just going to end up being trouble, mostly for yourself.

 

Just do as he asks, forget it...next time you talk to him (and ideally every time thereafter) keep it professional. Also I find it a little odd that he wants to show you a letter he write while drunk and went out of his way to tell you about said letter. It was certainly to proclaim feelings of some sort, even if he's denying it now. It's better you don't get it.

[PrettyGood]

So today we met at work and didn't talk about his letter at all. I wasn't asking about it as we agreed and he didn't mention it. Several times while I was talking on the phone, he passed by and tickled my shoulder. And at the end of the work, he wrote and put a small paper note on my table with small drawn cupcakes asking to cancel my taxi. He was asking to drive me home himself. I don't know why I agreed to it, but I canceled my taxi, he drove me home. He was making laugh all the time in his car while driving and later just gave me hi five as a friendly goodbye. I joked that he should clean his car next time cause there was no place to put my legs. The car was full of fast food trash. He laughed at it and we parted our ways.

[camus154]

Yay for continuing to give him mixed signals! No doubt a week from now you'll be confused why he's still pursuing you.

[Angel Irulan]

I think it's evident she likes him, despite a gap!

 

Angel

[happpybear]

you enjoy this, that's what i think.

[trolleycar]

I do not see why she is making such a big deal out of his interest in her. and as far as the age gap . what age gap. seven years is nothing. As is often said age is just a number.

I have a friend when I was living down in Louisville, KY. his wife what could not stand him . When I met them they were married two and had one child and that was back in the early 1970's.

the last time I spoke to them that was three year ago they were still married and had four children.

As the age gap goes I am 71 YO and the girl I am going with is 36 YO. I know that she is not interested in me for my money. All she would get is my bills and she knows it.

She lives in the UK and she Is not interested to get US Citizenship cos she is a US Citizen. it not the car I drive I do not like the car I drive my self (1990 Topaz)

So it must be that she likes me.

If you want my thoughts to she meet the guy and see how thing go. If it does not work tell him that it will not work. But what would it be if he is the guy that she is meant to be with.

And as far as a work place romance , what is the difference if they meet at church, a class they happen to be taking ,or at the shooting Range turning money into smoke and noise.

The only reason Employers look down on Work place Romance is the employer is worried that the couple will spend to much time on them selves and not on work.

I think she is making a mountain out of a mole hill. Try it you may like it.