Worse day i've had in awhile...

[RayF]

Toay was so terrible, it was the first time i actually felt that physical pain in a good while, i was doing so much better since the inital time following her breaking up with me about two and Hlf months ago.

 

There was really no reason why i should have felt like this, i mean nothing triggered it.

 

I've been going to therapy and being increadibly busy with school, and it helped me to get my mind off her.

 

I relize that i try and push her out of my thought allot, i guess it jusy caught up with me. i speny the last 10 mins or so crying, i havn't cried since about 2 weeks after we broke up.

 

I was watching tv and as cheesy as it sounds the new Velvet Revolver video fall to peies reminded me of my situation and it made me think about us and all the good times we shared, i was already feeling low and i just broke down.

 

I loved and still do love that girl so much... i realize i will be fine withou her, i realize that i made mistakes but i still was an amazing boyfriend,

 

i did have self esteem issues which made me negative and moody at times and since i've been trying hard to work on that and have made allot of progress.

 

i also realize taht if she loved me as much as i loved her she would sill be with me but god it hurts so much sometimes.

 

I don't speak to her and don't plan to. i don't want her in my life unless she wants a relationship again becuse it just hurts so much.

 

i knpw i can have that with someone else, and i know i can't blame myself for things i didn't know at the time... but i loved this girl like you would not believe, there wasn't a day that went by that i didn't thank God for having her in my life the whole two years we were together.

 

sometimes life is really unfair...

 

 

[Foz]

2.5 months is a relatively short time so you are bound to have bad days still. You sound like you are taking all the right steps in order to heal and you are looking at the situation very philosophically.

I, like you cannot believe how someone i loved so much could leave me and it is hard to come to terms with but unfortunately we just have to accept it because we dont have a choice. It is absolutely devestating but you have to grieve it so feel bad and cry it is the best thing to do for you. Im reading john Gray's men are from mars women are from venus-starting over and it is really helping me-you should check it out, it has good insight into acceptance and healing. Im not there by any means, im still grieving but the book is helping me realise that all my feelings are normal and i can get through this and you will too and maybe we will eventually realise that they were not right for us and we deserve to receive love they way we give our love..

[LostAngel]

Hi RayF

 

I THINK IT IS THE WORST FEELING IN THE WORLD...

 

 

But keep strong -You are doing so well, give it time...

I'm only on 1 week & 2 days with NO CONTACT &I am taking strain...

 

But I guess we have no choice.

 

Just remember..."TRUE LOVE NEVER DIES"...

 

 

LostAngel

[hockeyboy]

hey, dont worry about it. what your going through is normal. but i would make a suggestion..if someting like that happens, a video for example is reminding you of her....change the channel. I have been in countless situations where a song starts playing, a show comes on t.v., etc....where i could easily just let it eat me up. i know its hard in a way...but just change the atmosphere, it works.

[jackson5045]

feels like your walking around with a railroad spike in your chest doesnt it

it does go away though

the trick is to keep going

let it scar you

let it burn you

it should

that just means your human

but dont stop living

[Soulfully]

Hey man, I think that most of us here can truly relate to what you are feeling. I've been on a constant low with some better days for the past 3 half months. Bit by bit it seems to be improving, but my feelings and memory for my ex still haunt me, and they will probably continue to do so for the rest of my life. Even though every lover is different and unique in their own way, I think that I will never be able to forget about my most recent ex, since she was truly unique as an indivual. With her I started to feel and understand love on the spiritual plane as well. And I think that is what sets her apart from my other exes.

 

Anyways, the point is, I know that I will never forget her, and I know that her memory will always be there to haunt me. What I have to adopt is a different attitude towards this. Its not really about moving on, its more about letting go in my opinion. Letting go with a positive attitude and gratefulness that you experienced a truly wonderful time with her, and that you will grow a lot from it, the good and the bad. Now we seem to be on the bad part of the experience, but this will hopefully make us stronger, wiser and more loving. Remember that all human beings are full of surprises ... sudden changes in feelings, thoughts ... "mistakes", harsh forced choices... we are all prone to it.

 

This is truly the hardest breakup i've ever encountered, and its proving very hard to let go... to let go with love.

[RayF]

thanks guys for the support it helps allot.

 

trying to adopt a positive additude has been my number one goal as of late. i've been seeing a counsler and reading a great book called "the power of now".

 

it explains how feelings of hurt, pain, irritability etc. are all brought on by feelings of fear and negativity.

 

the nagging voice inside your head that makes you become down on yourself.

 

It also explains how the only true moment you ever have is right now. wrrying about the future is useless since the future as it exists in yur mind is always an illusion and the past is an illusion in the sense that it does not exist right now.

 

i've been trying to adapt these feelings and perspectives into my thought pattern.

 

i've also been more forgiving of myself, caught myself when i've been feeling moody or negative or imature.

 

i've got a long way to go but i'm proud of myself for the progress i've made.

 

i believe the only problem in our relationship was that we argued. Not about big things but littlethings. i think my insecurities caused me topick fights with her, i would get upset over trivial things and be over protective at times because i feared that she would always leave me.

 

furthermore my low self esteem caused me to become a critical person critisising me and her and everything else more than it deserved.

 

all thewhile like i said before i treated her so well and it was mutual, we always expressed our affection to eachother, went out of our way to make eachother feel good.

 

we were just in a real testing period in our relationship. 6 months of big change and allot of stress fed my negativity and hers.

 

she says 6months of fighting is too long, lifes to sahort to fight with the one you love. If life is to short to give up on the person you love then maybe she never loved me the way i thogth she did. ieven expressedthat thoguht t her, she just seemed to have her own set ofthoughts on the matter. We had been broken up for a month. not much had changed. she knows where i stand, she hopes some day we can be friends, i told her that will probably never happen, theres nothing more i can do. ito believe these feelings for her will haunt me for the rest of my life. she can;t be in iut because it will make it all that much harder. she was my first and only real love, and i adored her mre than i can possibly express.

 

Soulfully, i wish i could adapt that thought pattern to lovingly let go. I just can't seem to. i want to but i'm not strong enough to do it. even if i feel better about myself, it pains me that she's still out there, and i'm not with her anymore.

[vimora]

Hi RaY,

 

Ya, it's only been 2 and half months for me also. (been together ~3yrs) It's hard, believe me, but I realized this past week that I have to face reality. We're not getting back together, some people can but some cannot. I was pining away for my bf, but after some harsh reality checks with my friends I realized that it was time to move on. I had several good cries and then was able to look at the situation rationally- would it have really worked out in the long-term? As much as we love each other, I knew the answer was no. Even if we worked things out, we would've had other problems.My self-esteem had reached an all-time low and we were not happy.

 

Our time apart has brought back my confidence 10-fold, I'm out having a good time and I've heard that he is too. At first I resented that, but now if I hear he's out (even with girls) I'm actually happy for him.

 

I'm starting to see someone new right now, taking it slowly nothing serious for me please. BUT I am moving on, I'm not looking to climb aboard the relationship wagon.

 

I know that my ex and I will probably end up good friends instead, we are very close, it was just that we weren't meant to be in a gf/bf relationship. When both sides except that and they trully believe that rekindling anything is usesless, better things can happen. If friendship is not possible you need to keep on doing what you're doing Ray, talking to people and keeping yourself busy. I didn't believe in this at first but now I can testify that life gets good again if you let it, and this, even in my short time on my own.

[blushes]

hey you are not alone with these feelings, i am just over 5 weeks into heartache and 4 weeks with N/C, you know its the N/C that is harder than the actual break up because we dont get closure and its something we all need. I do have contact with his mother and I dont know what is harder because he has messed up his whole life in the past month from what she told me, he has went as far as getting married to a g/f from 18 years ago that just turned up one night looking for a friend, someone with a no good reputation and a very young baby, his mother says hes under a spell, our friends say hes brainwashed, hes closed everyone out for her and to know that hes probably going to be hurt by her is even harder to accept

 

the hurt never really goes away without proper answers huh....... who knows what the future holds for anyone