Need help/support for breaking up with someone emotional... my vent

[Fantanos]

Hey guys,

 

I know the right thing to do here, I guess I am just looking for support and to vent a little.

 

I have been dating this girl for 4 months now and it has been rocky. She is extremely emotional and has some issues, I think you could actually call her crazy. Here is a post I did awhile back-

 

I will start off by saying a lot of what we are going through right now is my fault. I let this relationship go way to far and to fast with out stopping it. At first I avoided lots of signs that it wasn't going to work, I was excited I met someone and I avoided all the things she did that put up a red flag. She would go through my phone, question ever text and e-mail I had, every notification I had on Facebook... she was insecure and I never gave her a reason to be like that. My ex called one day early in our relationship to see if she had mail at my house, that was it, one call. I have been hearing about that call for 3 months now. Every time we drink she yells at me about my ex and goes on and on about that call and how I am probably talking to my ex behind her back. Last week my 20 year old cousin was killed in a car accident, it was very hard on my family and hard on me. My ex knew my cousin so she sent me a nice text saying she was sorry to hear, that was it. Of course my GF went through my phone, saw it and flipped out. Is that even right? I feel my ex was just showing respect, it was one message, she knew my cousin and most likely felt really bad. A few days later after a few drinks my GF started calling my ex a ***** and other stuff because she sent me a message about my cousin. She said that wasn't right of her?

 

I have tried to break up with her 3 times, today being the third. She cries to the point she can't breath, begs for another chance, it goes on and on and I can't handle it. I feel so terrible seeing her cry that I do the wrong thing and tell her we will try again just to make her stop and calm down. I know the right thing to do is cut it off, it is only fair to her to not lead her on my I can't get up enough guts to do it. Today she kept saying "why does this always happen to me" and how it is wrong of me to hurt her, I just want to give in to make her feel better but I am not happy, not happy at all.

 

So last night I did it and this morning, I tried again telling her I want to concentrate on work and I feel we are different people. She has called me 3 times since I dropped her off this morning. I keep telling her I just need some time to think, She demands an answer whether I want to be with her or not. I tell her if she needs an answer now then it is we should end it. She bawls and begs. I know I am doing the wrong thing by letting her hang on, I am trying to let her down easy but its wrong. I need help. I just want my own time, I want to focus on work and my home and family. There is no other girl I am after. I just want my space back, my alone time and to eliminate the stress of this relationship. I tell her I need a few days to clear my head and think but she just keeps calling.

 

I guess I am just venting and looking for support.

[fundate]

That's a terrible situation man. I think that you really need to just break it off with her and be supportive of her when she is crying and begging but be firm. She has tied her self-worth to your relationship and that is very damaging to her and to you too.

 

If you are looking for something unconventional to try, you could try and reverse the situation by making her want to dump you. Normally I'd suggest acting desperate and clingy and being an over the top romantic or whatever but she is so dependent on you I think that might backfire.

[Fantanos]

Thanks for the reply man, I appreciate it.

 

She wants me to be clingy and over romantic... that is the problem. I did try your advice though, I have been trying to be somewhat cold hoping she would want to end it with me but it doesn't work. I would feel so better knowing she wasn't hurting. If she said she needed a break and wanted time, I would feel relieved.. now I am the bad guy hurting her.

[kittykitty]

Text her and block her?

 

It's cruel but if there is no other way. I recently broke up with my ex over facebook, offered to talk in person and he declined so it was a facebook goodbye as cruel as it sounded. It wasn't my intention but I was giving him a heads up about what we were going to talk about because we had been fighting non stop. Last time I had broke up with him in person (this is the 3rd breakup) took about 5-6 hours because he would not leave and kept promising he'd change, go around in circles, etc (this coming from someone who clearly didn't show he loved me!)...so I wanted to avoid that.

[nbr]

As twisted as it is, ask your ex for help. (assuming she is single and willing to help).

I know you want to be nice, but if she won't let go, you've got to do something to make her want to be away from you.

-nbr

[Fantanos]

The problem is she will contact me regardless of what I do I think. She will call me, text me, she knows where I live and work.

 

It is hard because honestly she is a very nice girl and would make a great girl for someone who is insecure like her. Hearing her cry makes me sick, I am having an awful time with this. I feel so bad. My decision depends on her happiness..

 

My ex is now dating someone... which is kind of sad and hurts a little too..

[calichick007]

 

My ex is now dating someone... which is kind of sad and hurts a little too..

 

I hope that isn't why you are dragging things on with your gf. As people have advised you in previous threads, you need to make a clean break and stick to your guns. Tell her it's over and block her from contacting you. It is a painful thing to have to do, but it is the only (and the simple) solution. The more you drag it out, the more hurt she will be in the end.

[Fantanos]

I hope that isn't why you are dragging things on with your gf. As people have advised you in previous threads, you need to make a clean break and stick to your guns. Tell her it's over and block her from contacting you. It is a painful thing to have to do, but it is the only (and the simple) solution. The more you drag it out, the more hurt she will be in the end.

 

It has nothing to do with my ex.

 

But yes I agree, I am trying, this is my 3rd time trying! I hate being the rude one and blocking her... I just can't seeing being that mean. But I know it will hurt more if I don't do it now.