Question for ladies on not giving her space

[caliboy]

so my ex and i have been apart for about 5 months now (she broke it off with me). i have been trying to give her space, but sometimes i give in and i ask her when we'll see each other again, about talking about getting back together, etc. whenever i bring these things up with her, she gets frustrated and angry and says "she has to go (get off the phone)". i occasionally ask her if i should give her more space, she says, "no, it's fine (that we talk almost everyday)".

 

so i'm curious if maybe i've allowed it to get to a point where maybe i've turned her off so much by still crying on the phone at times, asking when we'll see each other, etc that she will completely give up on us. Or, if she really does care about me and it was meant to be that she would still consider getting back eventually? Basically, have I ruined my chances with her? any help would be very much appreciated.

[SwingFox]

Hi Caliboy,

 

I am not sure if I understood that you have been apart for five months now, and that she's still 'trying to sort herself out'. I think I did, though.

 

I see that you are very much focussing on her. It might be a good idea to start to focus on yourself a little bit more. Try to ask yourself questions like: "How long am I still gonna wait?" and "What if we don't get back together at all anymore?" Is there a chance that you get back together? It's hard to tell. I tend to think that five months is a pretty long time, though.

 

I hope that this helped you somewhat. My suggestions is that you start to set some boundaries for yourself and wonder what you still are going to accept. I wish you good luck and hope that things will be better in your future.

 

~ SwingFox ~

[sunflower]

Hiya caliboy

 

I agree with Swing Fox. Concentrate on yourself. Its been 5 months and she is still sorting herself out? I think its time you move on. And perhaps one day she will realize what shes lost? Just dont wait for her anymore.

Move on with your life--meet other people, do things, take care of your health. Because calling her every now and then is setting yourself up to never get over her. And its even not giving her a chance to move on either. break ups SUCK and Im going through the same thing and its horrible. But the best thing u can do is stay away as much as possible.

ive yourself time to get over her.

[caliboy]

Thank you very much for your advice. You're both right and I need to get on with life and stop calling her. But the thing is she still calls me, so should I just ignore her calls? Do I become less of the persuer (cause I haven't really done that except once during the break up, and when I did, she called me telling me she missed me)? Or if I do answer her calls, how do I act?

 

Also, to rephrase my original question...

 

If someone truly cares about you and they've seen all sides to you (strong, weak, etc.) would they still want to be with you even after a break up like this? And would they care enough to eventually want to work things out, even after a break with no communication? Or would they just be completely turned off and move on? and i'm talking about someone who truly cares about you, because that's what we all look for in a significant other.

[sunflower]

Well if she still calls you, then I think the best thing to do is tell her that you think its best not to communicate right now because its making it really difficult to get over her. It will be hard but I think thats the best thing.

 

And as for your second question, I think the best thing to do in a break up is just keep away and not try and work things out. That will give the person to really respect you and your decisions and who knows--may realize what they lost and want you back. but the best thing is to just move on. If you keep calling, depending on the person, I dont think they would get turned off, but more annoyed and frustrated as to what they should do. its best to leave things be.

[solstice48]

I can really understand what your feeling. I've been going through a similair situation myself. I believe that if a person truly loves you they would want to be with you regardless of how they've seen you. The way you've been has shown the depth of your feelings towards that person. However there has to be a decision made by you as to where to draw the line. For your own good & for the possibility of letting her think about what she really wants in her life. Hopfully it will be you. But you'll probably want to consider your life without her. I can tell you accepting this & moving on is tough. Just remember to think about yourself & what you want & how things would really be if you did get back together. Best of luck, I hope it works out for you!

[brooke_sanders]

Hi, Personally I think u should just give her time. As you said its been a while...But does she ever call you? Or is it just you doing all of the calling? Well if it is then dont call and see if she calls give that a few days. Maybe she is playing hard to get...almost every girl does that!...I hope this helped

[caliboy]

brando, I'd totally take your advice, but she still calls me 2 or 3 times a week, she still wears the charm bracelet with "I Love You" charm I gave her, she still compliments me, she still does baby talk with me. So she's still somehow letting me know she's interested. I know she still cares, but i think she just wants to see (and so do I) the me she fell in love with - the true me. Even though it sucks she's dating other guys and doing who knows what, I don't let her see that it bugs me.

 

And I don't really see it as wasting 5 months of my life. Ya I've been bummed about this and have been missing her like crazy, but since I moved away from her, I've found a job, playing on a baseball team, play golf, work out, go out drinking with friends and meet all kinds of girls.

 

I've been talking to someone else in these forums lately who's given me a great perspective on things: to only be happy when we talk (even if we feel like crap inside), to not talk about us or the bad things in the past, and to play harder to get and to basically make myself more desirable - kind like who i was when she first fell on love with me. Basically being my true self again. I truly believe (and this goes for everyone else out there in this situation) that you have to be your true self - happy, outgoing, and overall attractive, cause he/she's not going to want to be with a depressed baby. Not only that, if she did get back with you while you're weak, she'll do it to you again. Be your strong self again and she'll come back. If she doesn't come back after that, at least you've become yourself again and you'll know she didn't truly care and isn't worth your time.

 

If after reading this post of mine anyone still has doubts, please feel free to let me know in case I'm missing something bigger.

[brandos lovechild]

hiya caliboy. if she is doing all of those things, then that is just not right ! man plz don't get seduced by this empty sentiment she is displaying. she says she loves and you believe her,and you think her dating other guys is temporary( otherwise you would have let her go right?) . nevertheless the weeks and months are flying by dude, and she's still playing you...she has no integrity at all. if she has told you any of the following recently,then she is full of more shit than a sewer! ..." i'm confused,i need time,i have to sort things out,plz be patient with me". bro, she knows you'll do anything for her approval, so she probs has zero respect for you. she is dissing you everytime you come off the phone to her,and she is not in your arms !! YOU HAVE TO FORGET ABOUT HER dude. you are a victim of false hope syndrome, and believe me the less control she has over you, the more hope she'll try and fill you with. i know it's hard bcos i was in your position about 8 months ago.. i was sooo in love with a girl, ya know the kind where u are always bouncing around and singin, i thought things were great. Then she fed me with the " im really busy, we can meet up sumtime soon shit !!! the nxt week i saw her kissing another guy outside a club we always used 2go.. i quickly ran away from all my mates so they wouldn't see me cry..i even vomitted in an alleyway! so listen bro , judge a woman on her actions,never on her words.. take a look at your situation from the outside. I'm not some anti-woman person, i really appreciate a sweet girl who doesn't have an attitude, isn't selfish, and isn't misleading to ppl bcos it makes them feel wanted or uses guys 4 a back-up in case they don't get who or what they want. A GOOD RELATIONSHIP IS A CONSISTENT ONE... i've always believed that bro, good luck 8)