I let her have the last word TOO many times. Not this time.

[TopFive]

Well after the craziness that went on last night on twitter, my ex sent me a really harsh text message saying how i better lose her number and blah, blah,blah. Well i woke up EARLY this morning and couldn't except the fact that I let this girl have the evil last word once again. Here are the two texts that i sent.

 

"I will never in life contact you ever again. But i'm tired of you having the last word. Here's my last word. You're a lying, manipulative immature a** person who liked to feel wanted and cant be by herself. You put me through hell while you were eyein another dude and suckin his ****. You're over me and that's fine, but know that in time you will realize that i wasnt bad at all. I regret the effort that i put into you. Looking back at everything I have come to the conclusion that you ARE a hoe and you will never be in my lane. It's been two months and I'm finally moving on. I used to ride for you, but you're just another number on the list of b****** I've f*****. Have a nice life and good luck on your new relationship that wont last. Selah."

 

 

Oh! I wasn't done.

 

"Oh yeah! And eff you and your fake boobs havin friend. I'm a psycho for wantin to move on for good? I need to get a life? NEWS FLASH: i'm gettin my bachelors in english, my screenplay is about to get bought, I have a small independent record deal AND i just got into theater. Kick rocks b****, watch me shine with your basic a**. Don't even bother textin some dumb ****. I wont be reading it."

 

Now I'm OFFICIAL done with her after two months of hell and hurt.

[PaintWithLight]

Why did you ignore the advice on this board? Can't you see that this just paints you as even more of "the bad guy"? no contact means let her having the last word and then walking away towards a brighter future.

 

what happens when she fires back at you, then this whole cycle repeats. Someone has to say enough. In the words of Ghandi "an eye for an eye leaves the whole world blind..". She is not evil, she has let her emotions get the best of her. Both of you need to stop provoking each other. No matter what she says ( and you have provided her with tons of new ammunition) it should be viewed as the whistling of the wind in the trees. You were so close to taking a few steps in NC towards a new future but now you are back in the trenches again.

 

In hindsight, I believe you will regret these actions which will give you an excuse to reach out to her and ask forgiveness. Which will cause the whole circle repeat. Your actions are nothing more than a ploy to continue your involvement with her. Stop this immediately.

[iamkaylee]

Good for you!

 

Sometimes, all it really takes is for us to just get plain old good and MAD and then we can so clearly see the light of day and what we need to do for ourselves.

[nutbrownhare]

You won't want to hear this, but continuing to send her nasty messages will bind you to her as strongly as if you were still sending her love letters.

 

If you really want to move on, stop trying to be involved in her life in any way at all - this includes having the 'last word'. If she had had any fond memories of you, you will have killed them by sending messages like this. You've told her that 'in time you will realize that I wasn't bad at all', but, sadly, the rest of it rather ensures that she couldn't possibly think well of you in future. Also, if word gets round that you've been behaving like this then you will find it very difficult to start another relationship with a healthy person.

 

You are studying for a bachelor's degree, and you are clearly talented in several areas. Now use your undoubted intelligence to move forwards with your life, regardless of what she is doing or thinking, and don't indulge in any more behaviour which you're likely to feel very, very embarrassed about in the future.

[bw92116]

If it made you feel better, then it's a good thing. I wouldn't do it again, no matter what she says or does. Who cares whether she thinks you're the bad guy or not. What she thinks is irrelevant. But getting the anger out of your system by "letting her have it" just the one time... I see that as therapeutic for you.

[metrogirl]

I cringed when I read your texts. I know you are hurting but your text messages scream "i'm a lunatic and can't let go". Trust me, trust all of us here when we tell you the only way you can truly let go, is to just let go. Don't text her, call her, email her, or send a homing pigeon with a message. She probably doesn't care if you move on or not.

 

You are really only hurting yourself further.

[HeartGoesOn]

Now I'm OFFICIAL done with her after two months of hell and hurt.

 

I hope so.

 

Keep in mind that you don't have to attend every argument you're invited to. Be the bigger person by refusing to engage in these silly games.

[TopFive]

I'm really done with this. She's going to act cold and aloof every time. AND on top of that, she's crazy about someone else. Yeah. I'm done.

[secondchance67]

Not to be rude, TopFive....but if you are done, then act like it.

 

Dont stoop to her level and engage in her childish games of name calling and button pushing.....the twitter thing was bad enough between you and the "other guy" , but this....this is now teetering on you losing some self respect and dignity by ripping her in a text message.....you are better than this, better than the two cheaters and all their lies combined ...so act like it.

 

Rise above this BS and concentrate on your music, your screenplay and your life - with your held held high, knowing you stepped up and took the high road, and can look back with no regrets...it's not oo late to do that, but the constant back and forth must stop. NOW.

 

I used to have this in my sig, an its appropriate to tell you at this stage of the game:

 

" There is no louder, stronger, or clear response than silence "

 

Get your head back in the game and stop letting your emotions rule your actions....you are playing into her hand, playing her game, and its a lose-lose proposition .....

[FrenchFries]

You went and did the total opposite of what was advised. You snooped around in the girl's business and contacted her current lover. You stepped over the boundary. Before that, she was silent, but you probably don't see that what you did was wrong. Not saying her response was the correct one, but you had no right to go sticking your nose where it didn't belong.

 

Well, you may feel better now, but I suspect it won't feel so great in time. At any rate, it truly is over now. Good luck TopFive.

[TopFive]

Thanks for making me feel worse. I know it was none of my business, I even mentioned it to the guy. I just needed to know so i get the good feelings out of my head and move on for good. It was dumb, but i'll be fine. I mean, she's fine. Why can't I be?

[seoulmate]

Thanks for making me feel worse. I know it was none of my business, I even mentioned it to the guy. I just needed to know so i get the good feelings out of my head and move on for good. It was dumb, but i'll be fine. I mean, she's fine. Why can't I be?

 

Well, I can understand you are going through some time emotions right now - but, honestly, are saying that you equate "being fine" with trying to belittle her?

 

I am not so much against you finding closure but I also find it very concerning that you find value in your life by listing your accomplishments to her (bachelors degree, screen play about to get bought, etc..) because I'll be honest with you...her new guy could just as well have a list of accomplishments (maybe even more impressive than yours). You shouldn't "rank" yourself against someone esle. It only makes you look like the smaller person, in the end.

 

We don't accomplish things in life so we can rub them into other people's face. We do it for the sake of bettering our own lives.

 

Unfortunately, what you have done is only solidify her decision for leaving you. You have defined yourself by those two texts you sent. You see her as being "fake" and yourself as being "better" than her for a list of material things.

 

I think you need to step back and start looking within yourself because if you lost everything in your life, would you want people to look at you for your screenplay, your degree, and those things. Or, would you like them to look at you for the person you are within.

[TopFive]

I wasn't throwing it in her face. she and her friend said i didnt have a life. I actually live a pretty good one, i just have been going through rough time. And yes the text message may seem harsh to you, but that's nothing compared to what i went through and the things that she has said to me.

[bw92116]

Well, you vented your anger and got it out of your system, hopefully.

You did what was right for you at the time and that's what's important.

If it's all over between you and her, it doesn't matter how you look to her.

What really matters is what you think of yourself.

[TopFive]

thank you. i had been keepin those feelings and questions in. did the right thing for me. ill never want her back. we were on the road to breaking up anyway, she just beat me to it. i refuse to feel bad for standing up to someone like her.

[sonicfan287]

TopFive...

 

The part of my story I rarely tell is one that I consider my closure (you can probably find it in my older posts). After months of suffering, I did text her and attempted to make peace, actually. Anyway (I really don't rehash this story much and I'll mention why later) it ended up turning into me exploding and I didn't go as far as you did but I did rip her apart and basically called her a coward for not facing up to what she did (she broke up with me via phone after 2 yrs together and then pretty much never contacted me again for 5 months, which is when I broke NC to ask for my things back in a nice way and get harassed by her, so I let her have it) and for playing little games and lying to me on many occasions even if she admitted it.

 

Yknow what, though? I agree. DONT FEEL BAD FOR STANDING UP TO HER. There are certain boundaries you need to follow and your comments to her don't reflect you as a person, so Im actually going to go against most others on this thread and say you did the right thing. However, this will be something you won't want to talk about in the future. My angry barrage at my ex is something I did that was EXTREMELY out of character for me and strangely satisfying for me but I can't even recall it. I'd rather not, but it provided a much better conclusion for me personally, but we'll see.

 

Only time will tell what (if any) emotional ripples this may have but whats done is done and you shouldn't regret it for a second. So much advice revolves around keeping your emotions inside. Its not the emotions that you should worry about but your actions. There is a way to get out emotions and it may not always be perfect but so long as it isnt illegal actions, its better than letting it eat you up inside and feel like someone else is pulling the strings