The trouble with texting...

[minorissues]

So long story short, I met a guy about a month ago while out with friends and hit it off. He got my number, we stayed in touch, proceeded to go on about 7 dates thus far, seeing each other about once or twice a week. I'm in my early 30's, he's in his early 40's. I don't think he's ever been married and neither have I; he says he hasn't been, but beyond that he's not a fan of talking about romantic pasts, neither mine nor his (significant? Perhaps.) On our 5th date, we went out in his town (we live in different states but not too far apart distance-wise) and stayed at his place for the night (it just flowed that way and felt right; I didn't feel coerced or pressured or anything.) Our 6th date was just a movie and a walk in the park after work in my town (he went home afterwards) and our 7th date was dinner and drinks in his town again. I stayed the night again, had breakfast with him in the morning. Fairly standard stuff, I suppose.

 

In any event, things between us started off pretty normally...he'd text me some randomness every day at the beginning, call me maybe once or twice a week. He eventually jokingly expressed concern that I never texted or called him, and I replied that with him texting me every day he was beating me to it. I take awhile to warm up to people and generally like to move slowly in the beginning. So after a few days of continuing to play it cool so that we wouldn't end up spiraling out of control, I texted him a good morning, then called him a few days later just to say hi.

 

Fast forward to this past weekend, Friday night to Saturday morning, aforementioned 7th date, if you will. Haven't seen him since then. This is fine, as it's only been a few days, we're adults with jobs and lives. The thing that's got me on edge is that, though he's been texting me every day since, as usual, the content and tone of his texts has changed quite a bit. His texts never really had a point but they were always witty; now it's become variations on "What's up?" and "Check out this picture I took!" with photos attached. Again, it's only been a few days, but he also hasn't done his characteristic let's-do-something-this-week text or call. In fact, he hasn't called at all...which is not incredibly odd as we haven't been big phone-callers to start with. My fear is that this may be the beginning of the dreaded slow-fade, but as he continues to text regularly and respond promptly to my texts (and has not avoided my couple of phone calls the past week) I'm not entirely sure. Plus, as he's a little bit older than me, I'm not sure whether age is a factor here in how he's choosing to communicate. I suppose I could try to make plans myself, as we've both collaborated on past plans together...but not sure I'm missing a bigger picture here.

 

Basically, I'm not in "crap, I'm being dumped mode" yet but I am wondering if there is something I should be doing/saying/expecting at this point, before the slow fade smacks me up side the head in a week or two. I don't want to become the fabled "clingy chick" who starts upping communication levels considerably soon after intimacy is acheived, but I also don't want to sit back and not do my part in this seemingly adult relationship. Tips? Thoughts? Thanks!

[Lansing]

Umm, if I was the guy, it would be nice if you made a suggestion for something to do... Don't see anything wrong with that at all...

[iamkaylee]

He's not avoiding you. Sounds like he's busy and keeping in touch. Could be he's just gotten more comfortable with you. Doesn't sound like a slow fade to me.

 

And I agree...time for you to suggest something.

[bebeblondie]

It doesn't sound to me like he's trying to fade away at all, in fact it sounds to me like he's getting comfortable with you and that he doesn't have to impress you with every text he sends like he did before. In the beginning his texts were probably very witty because he felt like he had to impress you, now he probably gets the vibe that you like him as well and maybe just feels like he doesn't have to try so hard anymore (I mean this in a good way, like he getting comfortable with you). As far as not making plans, its only Tuesday and I assume you guys mostly see each other on the weekend, so I wouldn't worry much about that.

 

I think you might be over analyzing this one.

[minorissues]

Hmmm thanks for the insight, all! I'll attempt to make a plan for tomorrow or Thursday and see what transpires.

[minorissues]

Hmm...an update! (It's a slow day at work.)

 

As usual, he texted me this morning asking what I was up to. We had a short text exchange. I let his last response sit for a bit, then asked if he wanted to do something tomorrow. He said he'd check his schedule. Yes, in those words exactly. If this was after a first or second date I'd immediately assume I was being blown off...but considering we've been out several times and he's been in regular contact, I wonder if he's just joking or really needs to sit down and check his schedule.

 

And now, we play the waiting game. Thoughts? Should I wait until tonight or tomorrow to be offended? Am I still overanalyzing?

[Coily]

Still over thinking, he may be busy or has to take into other commitments (Family, friends and the like). Not knowing the time difference betwixt the two of you, I think that may play into his needing to check his schedule.

[Gimpyrks]

I would be a little more specific with what you want to do, you are still making him decide everything, make a more specific offer. "Hey I really wanted to see this movie, we should go together!" and see what day fits him best.

[The_Seeker]

I would be a little more specific with what you want to do, you are still making him decide everything, make a more specific offer. "Hey I really wanted to see this movie, we should go together!" and see what day fits him best.

 

LOL Gimpyriks, you and I make great daters.

 

Anyway, OP ever thought he wants to please you and wants to get to know who you are by doing what you like.

 

For example, yesterday I got a text from the guy Mr.J I've been dating since July and he asked me "Its wed, lm know if you're hungry." LOL Instead of saying "Hey Seeker! How have you been? Would you like to go out for dinner at 7PM at this amazing steakhouse that i know?"

 

God, I would be an awesome Ladies' Man. But you get the gist.

 

I miss Mr.T. He was a planner and he planned things ahead when he was with me. LOL Now I got the exact opposite. But Mr.J happens to be really emotional which I like. ;] So we'll see.

 

LOL If I get hungry on Sunday, i'm going to go "Food. Seeker hungry. Mr.J right now." ROFL literally.

 

Mr.J doesn't communicate me like your guy does. LOL So appreciate him for who he is. LOL I think mine thinks i'm his booty call. Silly man. I don't go that way.

[pl3asehelp]

Hmm...an update! (It's a slow day at work.)

 

As usual, he texted me this morning asking what I was up to. We had a short text exchange. I let his last response sit for a bit, then asked if he wanted to do something tomorrow. He said he'd check his schedule. Yes, in those words exactly. If this was after a first or second date I'd immediately assume I was being blown off...but considering we've been out several times and he's been in regular contact, I wonder if he's just joking or really needs to sit down and check his schedule.

 

And now, we play the waiting game. Thoughts? Should I wait until tonight or tomorrow to be offended? Am I still overanalyzing?

 

I don't think you're over analyzing, but instead jumping to the worst conclusions with no evidence. 'I'll have to check my schedule' is my response anytime anyone asks me to do something, my wife included. Really no idea why you'd find this offensive after 1, 2, or 1000 dates.

[minorissues]

Hmm just seeing all these posts now...thanks for the input guys! That's interesting...can you believe I've never actually thought about not having specific plans as being an issue? The thing is, I'm the type of person who enjoys hobbies (running, reading, etc.) alone, and generally likes to just chat and relax with the guy I'm dating as long as we're together. So I figure we can make plans to meet up and we'll find something to do. FWIW, I live in New York City, so there is never any lack of things to do even if we just meet up without a plan in mind. I grew up here, so maybe that's why I've got this last-minute-planning mentality?

 

In any case, UPDATE numero dos: he agreed to come meet me last night and asked what I'd like to do...I suggested we catch some live music or go bowling (both things I enjoy but, for whatever reason, I really just prefer just relaxing and chatting on a date after work.) He suggested dinner and drinks, which is definitely more my speed, so he chose a restaurant near my office and we met there. I was pretty stoked that things seemed back on track, but when we hung out, things were a little odd. He held my hand and kissed me a few times, but seemed distant. He also told me he was going away for the weekend, and reminded me that he was leaving the country next weekend for work and would be gone for a couple of weeks. I jokingly mentioned that I guessed that meant we wouldn't be getting a lot of alone time the next week or so, and he basically thought for a second and said "Yeah I guess you're right." As you all have pointed out, I've been overreacting about this guy's behavior lately so I tried not to think too hard about it...but to be honest, I felt like this doesn't bode well for this whole thing. When we parted, he gave me a long kiss good bye and then texted me afterwards to say he'd gotten on his train home, but I still just feel kind of shaky about this whole thing.

 

So I'll ask one last time, and then I'll leave you wonderfully generous people alone (for now!): is this all par for the course or should I be distancing myself and preparing for an issue? Is there anything I should say to him, or do, in the meantime?