I Don't TRUST my girlfriend anymore

[BrownEyedGuy]

I am 19 and she is 17. We have been together for two years but it hasn't been happy all the while. We have broken up and got back together twice (she inititated both breakups). She almost broke up with me a third time some months ago and I found out that she had an affair with a middle-aged man (she told me about it and begged me to forgive her). I did forgive her and our relationship was good for a while. But lately I've noticed she's cooling off towards me. She still says she loves me,and got genuinely shocked when I questioned her sincerity. But I sense the change in her behaviour too strongly to just ignore it. She's distracted when we talk,and she does not want to have sex anymore. The odd thing is that she does spend most of her time with me,but she doesn't seem happy. But she also talks about 'our' future and 'our' children. I'm really confused. Does she love me or not? She used to be a very cheerful and bubbly person,now she always looks bored and tired. But she gets annoyed and hurt if I ask if anything is wrong. I'm not able to sleep these days because I keep expecting she's going to break up with me again.

[SwingFox]

Hi BrowneyedGuy,

 

First of all welcome to eNotalone.com and thank you for coming to us for seeking advice. I am sorry to hear that your relationship is not going the way you had it planned. I understand that you are afraid of your girlfriend breaking up with you.

 

My question to you is: are you really happy yourself? Is this young woman making you feel happy. You seem to constantly worry over wether she is really in love with you or not. That could mean two things:

 

1) She is really giving you trouble?

Wouldn't it be better then to give up yourself. What I am saying is, if it starts now already, how is that going to be in five years?

 

2) Are you overresponding?

If you are, wouldn't it be better to settle down a little more and be at ease. Love is after all a dynamic thing. Something that needs to be worked on all the time and that needs constant attention.

 

My suggestion is that you talk to her again and explain to her how you feel. You seem to have needs that are not being met at the moment. Making love is one of the things that you miss. If she still talks about 'your future', there must be something in her heart.

 

I hope that this helped you making the right decision that works for you and I wish you good luck.

 

~ SwingFox ~

[BrownEyedGuy]

Hi SwingFox,thanks for responding.

I've thought a lot about just moving on,but I realized I couldn't ever do that. I would do anything to make this relationship work and succeed,because she is inherently a very sweet and unique girl. Both of us also have very similar beliefs,opinions,etc. But you may be right when you say I'm over-responding. She has said the same thing too. But I don't know why I keep feeling uneasy these days about her love for me. It's just a gut-feeling,along with some 'real' observations I've made. I'm hoping it's just a phase,and she'll revert to her old self again. Her personality is usually that of an optimist,which is why I don't understand this change at all. (btw,I'm a pessimist,but she has never complained about that )

 

Do girls say what they feel,or do they lie to avoid fights? Some people say that a girl's word can always be trusted and others say the exact opposite.

[SwingFox]

Hey BrownEyedGuy,

 

I would like to explain to you that someone will never lie, if they feel comfortable and trusted enough to tell the truth. If you have doubts of that, explain to your g/f that you appreciate honesty and open communication at ALL times and live up to it. Listen to her if she tells you something and try to find the right balance between her needs and yours. Express your feelings and your concerns if there are any. Rest assured that chances are small that she would ever lie to you.

 

Good luck

 

~ SwingFox ~