NC/BU recovery journal

[Your Prince]

I'm interested in someone else at the moment, but I know that I won't be in presentable point in my life for at least another 2 years, more like 5. I've known her for a long time, & I would like to catch up with her. My breakup still hurts, & knowing you can't be with someone hurts. I guess that's just how it has to be for now.

[Your Prince]

I find myself trying to relive the past 8 years in my mind. I feel a great catharsis from it, likely because I have a bad habit of locking away my nightmares to haunt me down the road. this emotional release is not exactly pleasureable though. It's bitter & makes me wish I could go back. My ex made me think she was someone who she wasn't, & I feel that it turned me into someone I'm not. As a consequence, I've been lingering as a ghost, waiting for my opportunity to be reborn. The only problem is, that the rebirth I created for myself will not allow me to be the person I wanted to be when I was a young boy. I will have to assume this new identity & learn to live under that guise. Hopefully it will be better than being a clammy, misery-drunken husk of a young man. I know that I was born to be an outlaw like my father & to a lesser extent my mother. My clear judgement & sheltered early childhood won't allow such character mischief. Here's to the future. For now, I'll just fantasize about how one day I will make my own homage to the person who I was meant to be.