Status Update On the BU Garbage

[Dinocaz]

Hello all ahh well I have had a lovely few weeks with my Son, not looking forward to putting him on the plane Thursday as he lives abroad. But we rebuilt all our bridges after 6 and half long months of me letting him down and not seeing him. Those maybe who have read other stuff about my story know I have a Step D. She has let me down the past week refusing to come over. Made me really sad and made me think of the reality of what it is I was trying to hold together with my reltionship with her. Known her since she was a baby. Love her as my own. It hurts. Mind in a quandry over that. Sent her a message last week telling her what I think. Things she needed to hear. No response.

 

Images filtered through the dreaded FB of my other at one time Step daughter and my exes bf. It was weird and made me feel cr@P for around 25 seconds. But so strange after that it had very little effect on me. I had for so long compared myself to what my ex was seeing. Low self esteem, low self worth, perciving myself as one ugly usless s...o...b. But seeing the images so unreal. Bald red faced quite fat ha ha yeah I know its petty, but I was like ugh ok. If that what really floats your boat. A big beer drinker, hanging out with my exs 18 year old daughter. Nice. But I shrugged it off and in fact its helped me. Got washed n changed yesterday and had a lovely afternoon in the city with my Son my sister and her husband and there youngest Son.

 

My son has been quietly upset that his "sister" could not be bothered. But I made light of it, told him worry not, spolit him and have been here for him every day. My work has hit the wall as not been able to do much but I dont care. I can deal with the financial fallout from this coming Thursday.

 

Im refocussed on my own journey again. I know what is important. My world fell apart 7 months ago and bit by bit its getting back together. Thanks to FB I have less issues now of who I am, what I look like, who is me! In the next 2 weeks im buying new clothes as Im dressed like a tramp still in the old rags that my ex bought. Going throw them all out and start again. Im getting ready in my mind to date again at some point. Being out yesterday in the Sun .. ah many a nice looking woman. Got me thinking ... maybe I try again at some point.

 

The hurts not totally gone, but its totally under control. If I had seen those FB images a few months ago I would have crashed. Nothing now can hurt or shock me anymore apart from the at this time horrible state of the relationship with my daughter. If that has to go then so be. I cant / wont fight for others anymore. Its about number 1.

 

Your all good people here going through your own hell, look to the future and know that it can not fail to get so much better!

[One day]

Hi Dino

 

Nice post mate and I'm real glad that you have pulled through the ****. Fantastic news that you and your son had a good time and rebuilt some bridges.

 

With regard to your step daughter just give her some time to digest what you wrote.

[Dinocaz]

Hi Dino

 

Nice post mate and I'm real glad that you have pulled through the ****. Fantastic news that you and your son had a good time and rebuilt some bridges.

 

With regard to your step daughter just give her some time to digest what you wrote.

 

Yeah your correct on the SD issue but im not loosing sleep over it, lost too many nights in the past! Thanks for the reply fella Hope you OK )

[Dinocaz]

Difficult and really annoying dilema today in regards to my daughter. Finally she made contact saying "hi just got your email. i havent used you at all your my dad. i had other thinga planned but Simo doesnt leave till 3 days so i can still come and see him!"

 

This was a FB message I picked up when out in town with my son I was so mad to read it as she knows how to pull the right words when needed. I didnt reply as we were out and were busy. It ended up with her walking right accross town to where we live and saying "well if I cant come to the house tell him to meet me at the shops"

 

I blasted her saying she knows im never gonna turn her away but that she made wrong choices and was selfish. Of course I let her come over and we did speak. She said she was sorry. And im thinking well what can I do ... I was deep down happy she had at last made the effort. I know she gets pressure from her mum to sideline me and the fact she is a horrid horrid 16 year old hormonal nightmare But tonight got both my kids here, feels strange but so nice its been 7 long months since I had the feeling of my family. I did as I said blast her and said again even though im not her bio dad the very fact I was upset by her selfishness shows I actually give a dammmn and love her.

 

Its all gonna be short lived though as my son leaves on thursday but gonna enjoy the last 2 days all 3 of us together. Its TWOS up at the ex ha ha ha but i care not about that. It was awfull feeling that maybe somhow my relationship with my daughter was just a false hope or desire. My own insecuritys still coming into play even after all this time.

 

Im up ****tzza creek with the financials at the mo as my work has been zero which means no dollar but screww it I will face that head on when my son is safe back in Denmark. Its been blood guts and buckets of tears this year and I know like I sound similar to a stuck record when I say im starting to feel really good and I dont wanna peeee people off as if im being smug. No its that I really wanna scream out that NO MATTER WHAT and no MATTER how BAD it hurts for many of you. Know that you will come through your trauma and pain. Life is complex and so are we as human beings, allow for that , somtimes we cant work everything out but we can heal and we can move forward. Onwards!!!!!!