Should I Get Back Together With My Ex-Girlfriend

[MIApac]

About two years ago, I met my current girlfriend on CM but lately things haven't been going too well and I really have no where else to go get some honest advice. Since, this place was always good for that. I've decided to come back.

 

For the majority of our time together, things have gone extremely well. I've gotten to know her friends and have practically become part of her family. We've talked about getting engaged but while everyone seems to think the two of us getting married is a foregone conclusion, I'm not sure that I really want to get married. She constantly treated it like it was some kind of race between her friends. It always upset her whenever a friends or acquaintance gets engaged before her. Financially, I can barely afford to pay my rent and student loans but she wants to be engaged before the end of the year and my employment situation is still shaky at best. When we get married, she wants to live in the suburbs close to her family and where she grew up but I would rather work and live closer to the city.

 

Despite the closeness I have with her family, my parents do not seem to like her and she is always either denigrating them or my brothers. During holidays and such, she always complains about having to go with me to my parents place and I always find myself in the difficult position of either choosing between spending time with her or my family. She never seems interested in anything I like to do. While she has no problem getting me to watch a tv show or movie she likes, she can never sit through a baseball game or movie I like. She even has this attitude whenever I talk about events in my life, such as work. A few weeks ago, I was excitedly talking to her about a great day I had and she didn't even seem to care.

 

 

Over the last few months, things between us have gotten even more tense and dramatic. she has an explosive temper, which seemed to get worse with each argument we had. Towards the end it seemed like we argued on a semi-daily basis, over anything from constant accusations that I never listen or take anything she says seriously or that we don't spend enough time together. These arguments often ended with her threatening to break up with me but changing her mind when she cooled off. At one point, she must have broken up with me about 25 times only to change her mind. Several of these blow ups have occurred in public places in front of people. But while I found these incidents to be very embarrassing(I’m a very quiet guy who does not like a lot of attention), she did not seem to have a problem with it because as she puts it, “nobody notices or even cares.”

 

Lately she has gotten very clingy with me. She would call me about 10-15 times a day and stay on the phone with me for hours. If she called me when I got out of work, she will literally would've tried to stay on the phone with me until I got home. When I tried to get off the phone she will ignore my attempts and keep talking. Most of our phone conversations consisted of her asking questions about something, that almost always limited what I said to a basic “yes” or “no”. Sometimes, she called me back 5 minutes after getting off the phone with me and got annoyed if I wasn't around to talk to her. If I leave my phone at home when I’m doing something else, I noticed about 10-15 missed calls and an angry voicemail or text. On days when I'm not working, she will expect me to drop whatever I had planned or wanted to do and spend time with her.

 

During our last weekend together, we had a number of arguments over accusations that I never put more than the minimum effort into our relationship. That Sunday, after having some initial car trouble, we had another argument when I decided to go home, while she wanted me to stay with her an extra day. We also decided to take a break from each other for two weeks. While she seemed devasted and constantly made attempts to contact me. I kind of felt a sense of relief with the way things have turned out and eventually decided to break up with her, which she took very hard and made several attempts to get me to change my mind.

 

Complicating things even more is that she has ADHD and is on the bipolar spectrum. While I've always known she had ADHD, being bipolar had caused friction in our relationship and the one she has with her parents, who are in denial over her mental state, even though I believe that her relationship with them and other family members might be the source of her problems and the reason behind why she acted the way she did towards me. I have reason to believe that she is sort of viewed as an outcast in her family. She has two older sisters who are both married with kids and have successful careers. They also went to same college as their father and are big fans of that college's football team. While my ex-girlfriend didn't get into that college, went to a smaller one and doesn't like football. Her parents always took trips to visit their daughters but the only time my ex goes with them to visit them is during Christmas. Other than that, I always got the sense that her sisters, their spouses and her parents were embarrassed to have her around. One sister even refuses to allow her to babysit her kids.

 

Her mother was always chastising my her, when I was around her parents. Sometimes over the most mundane things such as putting out the wrong plates during dinner, talking too loudly or occasional bad table manners. Even when she wasn't chastising her, I always got the feeling that when they did talk to her it was as if they were humoring her and did not really care. All of this often made for some extremely awkward family dinners and made it very difficult for me to be sociable around her parents, which they started to catch onto but never realized the reason why. Even when this did happen, I did everything I could to support her, even though it was something I couldn't really talk her parents about it, since I didn't feel it was my place to. My girlfriend always claimed that her parents constantly complained to her that I wasn't sociable them and they got the sense that I didn't like them and even though I never admitted it, the way they treated her was the main reason why I was never really sociable to them.

 

Looking back over the past month and now understanding why she acted the way she did, I think that I might have made a mistake breaking up with her and want to get back together with her. But she has already moved on, even though it's only been a month, with another guy who she grew up with and always had a crush on her while we were together who she claims understands her more than I ever did. Do I feel this way because of regret or is the only reason why I want her back is because she is no longer availible. How can I get her back?

[DN]

I see absolutely no reason for you to get back together with her. Everything you said about was negative, properly so, and each individual negative was sufficient reason to stay away.

[buddha55]

Sounds like it was all for the best. Its natural to miss someone after two years.... But the whole thing sounds like a nightmare. Now you have time to do what you enjoy!

[Ms Darcy]

I think you need to look inside yourself to understand what about you wants to go back to such a negative relationship. Hint: it's not a healthy thing inside you.