Dumper and Dumpee scenario (share for everyone who is feeling down) pls read :)

[julian19]

Hi guys, it has been a long time since i last posted in here. I remember the last time I visited ENA 2 months ago when i was so devastated after my ex broke NC and contacted me again, just to HURT me for the last time. How evil isn't?

 

Well as of now, i can say that I am not yet ok but that is not the main reason why I am posting this right now. I have just realized that throughout the time that I've been visiting this site, all I did was to ask for help and advice, read everyone's experience and so on. And so now, I would like to be the one to share something to everyone and I hope that this kinda give help for those who are suffering from a break up.

 

This story is about a dumper's regret, and a dumpee moving on and finding happiness once again..

......

 

My mom is divorced to my dad ever since I was a kid and so, I have witnessed every men that came into my mom's life. She used to love her ex so much and they had been in a relationship for 6 years. That was longest and most serious relationship that she has ever had. My mom dumped him because she had found someone else(sounds harsh right?) At first, we were all surprised when we found out, including my little brother and little sister because we never really expected that our mom will do such things to him since we saw how they love grow and how they both struggle through hard times just to build a strong and solid relationship because they seriously loved each other. My mom's ex, was so devastated, and i saw in my own eyes how he kneel down in front of my mom, crying, begging, pleading and asking for another chance. But it was too late because things between my mom and his new boyfriend is starting to get serious. I noticed how my mom get butterflies in her stomach whenever she gets to see her new boyfriend or even whenever they chat online. I really feel so sorry to my mom's ex. He was a great guy. he treated us like his own children. He would cook for us, play with us, bring us to mall, fix our bicycle, fix the door knob, help us financially and so on. He did so much things for us and I miss him. I know, he loved my mom so much even though my mom treated him badly a during the last couple of months before their relationship ends.

 

I watched my mom's ex boyfriend suffer. I always see him drunk, crying, and being miserable a couple of months after their break up. The one thing that i will never forget was, when i was riding a subway and beside me is my mom and her new boyfriend having the time of their life and were so inlove, I received a call from my mom's ex. I didnt know what to do and i was kind of hesitant if i am going to answer the phone or not. He was texting me asking where my mom is, and so i made up a lie and said i dont know. He begged me to answer the phone, because he just wanted somebody to talk to and he's been crying and he doesnt know what to do anymore. I wanted to comfort him but i couldnt. as i look beside me, seeing my mom having a great time together with her new guy, and in my phone, someone is suffering and hurt. My heart was breaking during that time. I thought to myself that life is so unfair. My mom was so happy without even thinking that someone is suffering because of her. i couldnt hate my mom though but it made me realized how cruel life can be. Note: this was before i met my ex, i was so innocent about this matter in life.

 

And it didnt take long, BOOM ! I met someone.. Fell in love and felt how wonderful those feeling are. It was my first time and i was so innocent. (well, my story was a different story though) so fast forward, I experinced my first heartbreak ever, when my first love dumped me. and yes, I begged, pleaded, cried, felt miserable and it was so hard. I wouldnt even wish someone even my enemy to experience that feeling. It is the worst feeling in this life for me... At that time, I looked back at my mom's ex, and gave him a call. We were both crying and it was a heart breaking phone call. I apologized to him for all those time that i ignore his call when he needed someone to talk to. He was the only one who was able to understand me since we have the same situation.

 

The relationship between my mom and her new boyfriend was still going strong. My mom would always brag to everyone how bad her ex was and she would always compare his new boyfriend to her ex, saying that her current bf is much much better. Her new boyfriend would always laugh at my mom's ex whenever they bump to each other, and my mom's ex always get his heart broken everytime he see my mom and her new bf having a great time.. I can see that my mom kinda enjoys it whenever she see her ex get hurt.. and she and her new bf will laugh and describe to everyone how pitiful my mom's ex was. Everyone we know lost respect to my mom's ex. They got so tired of his drama and all stuff and they were telling him to leave my mom alone. The last time I saw my mom's ex being miserable was during the christmas party last year, when he saw how a great couple my mom and her new bf is. He called me and asked me to meet him. We met outside, and as i look into his eyes, i can see all the pain that he's going through, since i was dealing with a heartbreak also during that time. we hugged each other and i told him to take care always.. and that was the last time a saw him crying..

 

Fast forward 8 months , my mom and her new bf's 1st anniversary last month, and he moved in here in our house. Me, my lil brother and lil sister dont feel that comfortable and at ease to him. It's a different feeling and we feel like, there was some stranger living with us in our house. But the most surprising thing was, my mom's new boyfriend is starting to show his true colors. He's now treating mom differently compare to how he used to be before. He's starting to disrepect my mom, kinda raised his tone to her, command my mom to do this and that, and he's starting to take my mom for granted. Oh well this man is jobless now and all he do is to stay home and sleep, eat, and locked himself in my mom's room all day until my mom got home from work.

 

I talked to my mom last night, while her new boyfriend was hanging out with his friends. I opened up to her all the things that i have observed from the past few weeks. She said she agreed. And it hurts her. She then started to talk about her ex. She said, "Judy never treated me that way in six years. And i know he'll never do that to me." That was the first time that i hear something like that from my mom. Before, she used to tell me that whenever she remember the relationship she had with her ex, she feel disgusted and even regretted that she wasted her six years with him, and always asked herself what did she saw in her ex. She would always reject her ex and tell him to leave her alone. Now, she's looking back and remembering all those good times that she had with him. I saw my mom's eyes starting to be teary. She said for the first time, " I regret it".. When i heard that from her, my whole body felt a strange electricity and it kept me shaking.. I just told my mom that, "YOu know what mom, in life, once found that someone who will love us sincerely and forever, we should never let them go, because in our life today, it is seriously difficult to find true and forever lasting love in this world." and she responded like, "you are right son, i guess i havent moved on from judy(mom's ex) yet."

 

But where is my mom's ex boyfriend now then. Well, surprisingly, I saw him in an outing last month and, yes, i saw his face smiling again, happy and normal. Only to find out that he's now with someone else. And i saw how sweet and in love they are. His new girlfriend talked to me and she told me that; "you know what, my boyfriend always tell me about you and your brother and sister. he love you so much just like his real children and i know he'll never forget the three of you."

It seriously made my cry. And i've seen that this new girl is loyally inlove with him. They deserve each other. My mom's ex deserve that happiness. I was so happy to see them holding each other's hand and being so in love. I wish them all the best.

 

I guess it's just life. Dumper used to realized their mistakes when its too late already. and they end up miserable, and unhappy, while those dumpee who had suffer, been down and miserable, they end up being blessed and happy, rewarding them the LOVE that they were wishing for.

 

Life is just like a wheel. Sometimes your at the top and your happiness was to the fullest, while the other one was at the the bottom and hopeless.. and as the wheel roll around, things then changed...

 

so if you are feeling hopeless and miserable right now, i can assure you, things will get better, as i have witnessed one person's life done it. Have a great day and God bless you all..

[julian19]

P.S. English is not my first language (I'm a KOrean) so I hope you understand.. thank you

[mg22]

P.S. English is not my first language (I'm a KOrean) so I hope you understand.. thank you

 

Great story, love it thanks for sharing..

[Kit3runn3r]

Getting there is the hardest thing ever, specially when sometimes you just lose faith.

[humanity]

This story made me emotional because I wonder if this is how my ex's life is going to turn out.

 

His ex wife divorced him almost 4 years ago after he found out about her affair. When he found out she was cheating, she got an order of protection against him, wiped out their joint savings, took all their furniture and moved in with her boyfriend and filed for divorce. The grass was greener for her and her boyfriend for a couple of years. But then during year 3 of her rship, she would express to her exhusband (my boyfriend) how she is sick of her boyfriend not working, not helping with bills, she thought he was cheating, etc. During this calamity, she got pregnant with her boyfriend's baby. She later miscarried, dumped him soonafter the miscarriage after 3 years of being together, and she is now back with her ex husband (my ex bf) and pregnant with his child. Rumor has it, they want to give their 6 yo son a sibling in a nuclear family setting.

 

So to sum this up, she divorced her husband for another man. Lived with that man for 3 years. Got pregnant and then miscarried his baby. Dumped him after the miscarriage. And within weeks, went back to her ex husband. And now she is pregnant with him with their 2nd child.

 

What are the odds of this lasting???

[BrianH46]

Thanks for sharing man, it was a good read.

[julian19]

how long was your relationship with him?

[julian19]

Thanks for sharing man, it was a good read.

 

sure dude Have a great day ^^

[maron]

P.S. English is not my first language (I'm a KOrean) so I hope you understand.. thank you

 

julian, your english is fine and you demonstrate a better command of it in written word than most of the people i've met here in the u.s.

 

thanks for sharing.

[Avila]

great story. thanks for sharing xo don't worry about your english, you wrote it very well.

[humanity]

how long was your relationship with him?

 

we were together 20 months to be exact

[GrowingUp85]

That was a good story. I enjoyed reading it, thanks.

[TalkThatTalk9]

loved this story. you are a good person! so happy for your mom's ex. this story is very inspirational

[julian19]

thanks for the appreciation and i am glad that i was able to give inspiration, even in a small way though. Hopefully I can post my own full story here one day..

[Dinocaz]

What a post. It made me sad reading throught this for some reason. The pain your mums ex went through, your mums regret in the long run no winners really. But its a story that has value, your mums ex has been through the devestation of being pushed away by someone he loved and god do I know what that pain feels like. And then as we all do eventually we let go, we move forward - the pain dies away. 8 months now since my break up , the anger has gone , the rage , the knife cutting pain , somtimes though it feels very sad. Nothing more nothing less. But we all do indeed move forward. We have to dont we ?

 

thanks for sharing this Julian , I can feel your emotion in what you have written. Take good care.

[julian19]

One thing that i learned from this scenario is that, those people who left the relationship, and moved on to someone else, I thought at first, they are going to be happy all the way and would never look back to the person that they have left behind. I saw how my mom show everyone in town, how she was SO OVER her ex boyfriend and is now happy with her new love life. At that time everyone who will see her actions would never even see a glimpse or would even expect that someday, they will look back to the person who they felt disgusted with, and see them again as a respectable and special person together with the memories that they have once shared. And yes, at some point, there will be regrets.

 

Now as a dumpee, i am dealing with alot of pain as this was my first time to have my heart broken. Its been 10 months already.

[FreeFallFeelin]

"Life is just like a wheel. Sometimes your at the top and your happiness was to the fullest, while the other one was at the the bottom and hopeless.. and as the wheel roll around, things then changed..."

 

 

Good story Julian. Great quote ^^^. And your English is terrific.

 

Gom som mi da ("thank you" in my Korean) ;-)

[origami]

"YOu know what mom, in life, once found that someone who will love us sincerely and forever, we should never let them go, because in our life today, it is seriously difficult to find true and forever lasting love in this world."

 

You're too wise for being this young, I'd love hearing these words to your mom from you in person. Absolutely brilliant.

 

btw, I'm watching "Big" from KBS and enjoying it.

[Livia07]

Great story, with a true message... the type of hope and encourage i am needing right now.....i just hope i can be happy again

[Livia07]

hope your mum is feeling ok though now......anyone going through pain isnt nice, be it dumper/dumpee.

[Zero71]

Thank you. That story actually lifted my spirit up some. Today is one of those days I feel miserable and hopeless. Seeing that your mom's ex been rewarded after the hell he was put through makes me feel a little hopeful the same will happen to me one day.