I hurt so much

[Thedude]

My girlfriend and I went out for a while and we loved each other more than anything. She was my first SERIOUS girlfriend and I her first boyfriend. We also made love for the first time to each other. We loved each other so much, and she said that without me, she wouldn't be able to move on. Then, for some strange reason *I* broke up with her and regreted every minute. She sobbed alot, and I stayed with her and spent the night with her for a few nights. Then we started to do sexual things together even though we weren't together. Two weeks later, she started to get better and she stopped calling me and she stopped telling me things. In this period I got drunk one night and hooked up with another girl, but I had no feelings for her. This is when I started to break down, and I cried, alot. I emailed her saying that it was so hard to think about her that I didn't want to be friends anymore. She came down the minute she got the email (Btw we are in college) and kicked everyone out and started yelling at me and telling me how much she hated me because I keep hurting her more and more. So the next night, I went over to her, and told her that I loved her, and I never stopped loving her, and that I wanted her back. She said "no, i dont think i can be in a serious relationship right now, but just give me some time" So I said ok..was heart broken, but still was waiting for an answer from her. One, two, three days go by, I'm still waiting. Then I find out, that the night I told her to be with me again, she kissed a guy she knew for only 2 days. Two days. She says she loved me, but 2 weeks later she is kissing another guy. So last night I walked to her once again, and i told her I knew everything, I knew that she was with another guy, and that she was kissing him. I told her that it was so wrong of her to tell me to wait for an answer while she pursues another guy. And I have never felt so hurt in my life. No matter how much I hurt her, she threw it back at me ten times. Anyways, last night she said that she is so confused and doesn't know what she wants. That she still loves me, but only sometimes is in love with me. We kept talking and I hugged her, didn't feel like she hugged back though. And she means the world to me, no matter how much she hurt me. And if all i can be with her is friends, then so be it. But close to her, is never close enough.

 

 

What do I do? I can't concentrate on anything, all I think about is her. I want her back so badly and she says she doesn't really feel anything for this new gu, except when she kisses him she feels something. How do I get her back, how do I get back the love of my life?

[SuperDave71]

The Dude,

 

This NOT what you want to hear. I am a man of honesty and integrity. YOU must LEAVE HER ALONE completely. Not a day..or two or three. Cut off everything. If you see her be nice but not over friendly. She doesn't know what she is missing...give her time. She is confussed. Why would you wan to pressure someone who is confused? Wouldn't you rather let her make up her own mind and come back to you because she WANTS to? Love is like a shadow....you run after it...it runs away....you walk away from it.....it follows you.

 

 

Be Strong!!

 

 

 

Your Friend,

 

SuperDave71

[Beec]

Well, the first thing you do is back off. Don't be making anymore declarations about how much you love her. It would be better if she thought you were confused.

 

We don't go for people who make these kind of declarations. Instead, we go for those who are aloof and independent, not clingy and needy. We want what we cannot or might not be able to have. And the person who lets us come back and come back, after we walk over them, is not the person we want. No, we want the one who seems to want us, and then does not want us.

 

Be aloof, vague, independent and aloof, for starters.

[Thedude]

But, I love her so much. I really do, and last night she said (right before I left) that she would call me today so we can go on a walk, just a walk together. And honestly I don't think I can function if she isn't around me somehow. What if she gets the impression that i too am confused and then decides that it woiuld be too hard to get back to me? I would regret all my life not doing all I can to be with her...

[SuperDave71]

Listen my friend,

 

If you want to make the MOST COMMON MISTAKE THERE IS.....go for it. You need to call her and say....I care about you so much that if you need time....take time. YOU HAVE TO SHOW HER..not just tell her. If you don't give her what she needs...she will resent you for it no matter how you "feel" about it. Does this make sense? I don't want you giving us a posty saying " I blew it" OK? You can do it my friend!!!

 

 

-Your Friend,

 

SuperDave71

[SnowQueen]

yea but dont u think u should be lil more understanding... excuse u went out and got drunk and had sex with another girl.... oh so its ok for u to brake her feelings and sleep with other girls? but she cant kiss a guy cuz u think u own her? no man, u made a huge mistake and sorry but u fckd things up badly, now u have an idea of how she felt when u dumped her and i dunno if she knows that u slept with someone else to. so u back off, leave her alone cuz one of my x's did the same as you, and it wasnt a bit fun cuz i was crying my heart out evry night while we was getting drunk and f* other girls.. luvly no? anyways... dont bug her too much or she will definetly say no forver, also i hope you learn to treat her better now, treat her as the best friend you have in the world, and give her that sense that she wont be hurt again and you will protect her and be by her side no matter what.

[Thedude]

I didn't have sex, and yes she knows. But see the differences are #1 I was drunk #2 It was random.

In her case she is seriously liking this guy, and it wasn't just a kiss because she was horney, it was because she felt something for him,he is replacing me.

 

 

Now about today, can I still go on a walk with her?

[SuperDave71]

How would YOU feel if your ex said she was drunk....and it happened and it was random? I know...YOU WOULD BE CRUSHED!!!! PERIOD....YOu cannot use alcohol or anything else as an excuse.....put yourself in her shoes and walk a mile my friend. WAKE UP!! She is not stupid!!! I think you need to get a grip on yourself first. Sorry about the attitude but you are making excuses. You are trying to convince yourself that what you did is justified. It's not. You need to let it go and BACK WAAAAAY off. or you will make her decision for her.

 

 

BE strong man!!!

 

 

SuperDave71

[hockeyboy]

im gonna have to agree w/ superdave. i have had girls do to me what your doing to her. they leave me...go get drunk and hook up and then as soon as i find a girl that i like (cause i dont do the whole get drunk hook up thing) she calls me every name in the book and tries making me feel guilty. the thing is...the girl left me. i went and found someone else that i liked..not just to hook up w/, but seriously like. in one case (my own fault) an ex actually messed up things w/ a new girl. its not fair to say do as i say not as i do. you made a mistake...thats ok. but dont expect anything less from her. your both human...leave it at that, forgive...dont bring it up.

[johnagent1911]

I agree with SuperDave on this one!

[Thedude]

Ok but you guys aren't listening to me. Tonight we are going on a walk together. She is going to tell me how she feels. And IF she says that she can't be in a relationship with me, then do I back off even though she has said she wants me to stay with her and be her best friend?

 

How should I act TONIGHT? Do I show her I care, do I play games with her and play slightly hard to get? Or do I make it obvious that I am completely head over heals for her? Do I tell her that I truly do love her more than anyone in the world? Maybe she wants to walk with me tonight only because she knows that she wants to tell me no. Maybe she has it in her mind that tonight all she wants to do is talk about how she only wants to be my friend.

 

How do I act? and MOST importantly, what type of a mindset should I be going into this?

[SnowQueen]

talk to her tonight like if it was your first and last time seeing her, u have to accept you might lose it all, or you have the chance to amend your wrongs.

if i were you, i would talk nothing but the truth. whatvr she says you tell her with complete honesty what you think. one do not get pistoff, second let her tell you evrything she thinks. if you love her with all your heart tell her so, that you will always be there and that you honestly deep down learned your lesson. cuz well playing around with emotions isnt cool, especially after what you did. so again, be prepared to be you, and show this girl what she means to you. you got to prove your sorry, and thats not proven in one night. so good luck!

[Thedude]

CONCLUSION: She told me that she wasn't ready for a serious relationship with anybody right now. That everything happens for a reason, and that if we were meant to be that we would find our way back to each other. She held my hand and told me she wanted to remain my best friend forever, that she wanted to tell me everything all the time, and I her. And to be honest, I have never felt happier. And as I hugged her, even though I knew I wasn't hugging her as a boyfriend, that somehow I have surpassed that level of dating and have become a very close lifelong friend. And then we got up and we were both so happy and I bought her ice cream and she said she still expected me to think she was the prettiest girl ever (jokingly) and other things between us. And then I walked her back to her place, and even though I didn't get to go inside like I used to be able to, I felt like I had just gotten my Best Friend back. And right now, I couldn't ask to be happier. Finally she told me that our friendship would be so strong, that it comes before significant others, that if significant others had a problem with how close we are, that we would dump them (its cute). And we laughed and talked, and I feel like I truly got my best friend back. And the best part of it all, we still love each other in a way that only family can love one another. Thank you god, for making me happy, thank you god, for making her happy too.

 

And thanks to all the people who replied.