jjkalai Posted July 30, 2012 Share Posted July 30, 2012 So I went on a date the other night with a girl I met on an online dating website. It went great. I took her to a restaurant and we ate, talked and laughed. The chemistry was definitely there. We had lots in common and we even talked about future plans. I invited her to a concert next week and she agreed. She said she had to go to so I walked her to her car after we ate. We hugged and said our goodbyes and went our separate ways. Fast forward to the next afternoon and I texted her telling her thanks for coming out, and in another separate text saying to let me know if she could get that day off for the show. She texted me back saying that she lost her phone and asking me about what texts I sent her, and she only received the text about the concert. I told her that I just wanted to say thanks for coming out and everything I said in the previous text. She hasn't replied in almost two days now and I'm just wondering if I should text her again. She does have a busy schedule, but two days is pretty long and I don't want to seem desperate. Should I contact her again? Link to comment
camus154 Posted July 30, 2012 Share Posted July 30, 2012 No. "Almost 2 days" isn't long at all. Calm down and give her some space. Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted July 30, 2012 Share Posted July 30, 2012 What are your expectations from her? Link to comment
jjkalai Posted July 30, 2012 Author Share Posted July 30, 2012 What are your expectations from her? Acknowledgement of some sort I guess. I'm used to people texting back right away, within at least an hour or two at least and this is unusual for me. Link to comment
dasilver Posted July 30, 2012 Share Posted July 30, 2012 Nope don't contact her.... It's her turn now...if she wants to reply she knows how. Link to comment
SpiritofFire Posted July 30, 2012 Share Posted July 30, 2012 Acknowledgement of some sort I guess. I'm used to people texting back right away, within at least an hour or two at least and this is unusual for me. I hear ya on that one. Perhaps she is playing hard to get. You tell me, if you couldn't find time no matter how busy you are out of your 48 hour day to reply to a text that takes what 1min of your time? if someone interested they would take care of it in heart beat. Bahahaha at these people. Tired of hearing, even seeing, "But I was busy" excuse. I call it bs pure and simple, who are you kidding? If I am not interested I would take my sweet time to respond, perhaps even forget to respond at some point. 0.o as for this lady who knows man what's her interstions are. Maybe she wants to be chaised and look desirable. Now that's all nice and dandy, but I find it disrespectful. Personally that's a turn off for me and I would be very frustrated at her actions. It would be so ideal if she just said I am busy, not interested, saranara amigo of some sort. Just saying. Link to comment
soybeans Posted July 30, 2012 Share Posted July 30, 2012 Unfortunately this is par for the course with online dating. You have to get used to it and cannot take it personally. Link to comment
camus154 Posted July 30, 2012 Share Posted July 30, 2012 With respect, I think people are delusional if they think their dates are playing games by not responding within what, a day and a half? Sorry folks, but just because we have the technological capability of messaging each other at any given moment of any given day, doesn't mean we have some obligation to do so. Stop insisting that people should be available whenever you want them to be and focus on having enough going on in your own life that you're not hovering over your smartphone screen waiting for a reply. Link to comment
jjkalai Posted July 30, 2012 Author Share Posted July 30, 2012 Well she is a nurse, with a really busy schedule. When we started texting back and forth before we met she would sometimes take a long time to respond. Maybe less than a day or so at the longest (when she was working i believe) and she would sometimes reply within 20-30 minutes (on her days off IIRC). She did tell me once thats shes really bad at responding promptly. Almost two days is a pretty long time though. I guess the ball is in her court now. Link to comment
soybeans Posted July 30, 2012 Share Posted July 30, 2012 With respect, I think people are delusional if they think their dates are playing games by not responding within what, a day and a half? Sorry folks, but just because we have the technological capability of messaging each other at any given moment of any given day, doesn't mean we have some obligation to do so. Stop insisting that people should be available whenever you want them to be and focus on having enough going on in your own life that you're not hovering over your smartphone screen waiting for a reply. I see where you are coming from, but if a date was contacting me within a reasonable amount of time before we met, then suddenly stopped altogether afterwards, it would certainly confuse me. I wouldn't sit around staring at my phone waiting, but I would wonder what happened if the date went really well and they had asked to see me again. If they were truly interested, they would make an effort to keep you around. Link to comment
SpiritofFire Posted July 30, 2012 Share Posted July 30, 2012 There is no obligations to respond within certain amount of time you are correct camus154. From my perspective, it's simply appropriate action one would take if they showed interest in someone. It's only my opinion, if I am interested in someone I'll be more then happy to respond back to a new date out of respect so I don't have to waste their time, energy, and emotional space. We are all busy and taking one min while taking piss won't kill your day. Obviously I've been in this situation myself and it irritates me, knowing that most peeps clinge to their phones like bees to honey. All I am saying it would be nice for quick response so one can move on with his/hers agenda. If one specified that this time of the day is busy for me from 8-6 pm. well Horay that would be a blessing. Link to comment
Coconut Twin Posted July 30, 2012 Share Posted July 30, 2012 Balls in her court and I definitely wouldn't wait around for a reply. It's so early in the dating process that you can never know how interested a person is whether they contact you or not, so just carry on with life. Link to comment
Day_Walker Posted July 30, 2012 Share Posted July 30, 2012 As others have mentioned, she can contact you if she is interest in going to the concert. Link to comment
camus154 Posted July 30, 2012 Share Posted July 30, 2012 We are all busy and taking one min while taking piss won't kill your day. Obviously I've been in this situation myself and it irritates me, knowing that most peeps clinge to their phones like bees to honey. All I am saying it would be nice for quick response so one can move on with his/hers agenda. But this is precisely the mindset of entitlement. Cellphones have made us prisoners to communication. We know people have them on their persons at virtually all times, so now there's no excuse not to reply within, say, 15 minutes. Capability becomes entitlement. We know it only takes 30 seconds to type out a response, so now we feel justified measuring our worth in others' eyes along such a ridiculous yardstick. Again, capability becomes entitlement. Does it really need to be explained why such an obnoxious sense of entitlement is foolish? What if someone, perish the thought, just doesn't want to respond to us yet? What if they're busy actually, you know, living a life? So we think we're not worth the 30 seconds to create a reply, while missing the even greater truth--the expectation that we're even on their radar enough to make the decision to ignore us! BTW--I'm not calling your views obnoxious, but am speaking to a broader collective sense. I tend to get crotchety on this topic Link to comment
darksouls Posted July 30, 2012 Share Posted July 30, 2012 I can understand freaking out about not getting a text back in a day or two, but this isn't a friend or family member. I expect texts back from people quickly too, I guess cos that's what I'm used to. However 2 days and no text from a stranger...I think you should just wait. Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted July 30, 2012 Share Posted July 30, 2012 Acknowledgement of some sort I guess. I'm used to people texting back right away, within at least an hour or two at least and this is unusual for me. Well she is a nurse, with a really busy schedule. When we started texting back and forth before we met she would sometimes take a long time to respond. Maybe less than a day or so at the longest (when she was working i believe) and she would sometimes reply within 20-30 minutes (on her days off IIRC). She did tell me once thats shes really bad at responding promptly. Almost two days is a pretty long time though. I guess the ball is in her court now. So what I am hearing is that you expect her to respond ideally in less than 30 minutes. Have you considered or given any thought to her expectations? She said she's bad at replying promptly. To me that suggests that texting is not the best medium to communicate with her. I think if you want an adult relationship, you are going to have to start communicating through less passive means ... yeah, pick up the phone and call her. Texting isn't really her thing and if you like her reach out directly. If, when you follow-up, she flakes then you know she is not interested. Link to comment
Coconut Twin Posted July 30, 2012 Share Posted July 30, 2012 I always make excuses for people - I don't see why we have to automatically assume the worst. And, I agree Camus about the phone business...in this day and age we're literally glued and have to be prized away from the tings.. Imagine if we reverted to the time where there were no phones, that would be tres interesting...you'd have to write letters and it'd probably take yonks to get to the other person and by then they'd be eager to contact yuo and even more interested because of the time and space. I actually wouldn't mind that lol. Where there's phones, there's waiting by the phone...I say chuck your phone! lol Link to comment
jjkalai Posted July 30, 2012 Author Share Posted July 30, 2012 Thanks everyone for the honest answers.... Link to comment
SilverFactory Posted July 31, 2012 Share Posted July 31, 2012 I am with SpiritonFire on this one. In my opinion if I do not get a response to an email/text/voice-mail after 24 hours I automatically assume that they are not interested. Sure they can be actually living a life and be really busy. But in this day and age, living a life also involves possessing a computer/smartphone etc at least for the vast majority of the people. Sending a response hardly takes any time. They do not have to respond in like a minute.. but one whole day? come on.. to me that would indicate that they are not interested. In my most recent thread I had mentioned that I was worried about not getting a response from the women I met in a Speed Dating event. I emailed 2 women and didn't hear from them. After a day I realized that they are never going to respond. Its now been more a week and my guess was correct. These are not the actions of some one interested in you. Link to comment
kate150 Posted August 1, 2012 Share Posted August 1, 2012 I agree with Ms Darcy - give her a call! She did mention some difficulty with her phone - perhaps that's the explanation for no response. A call to confirm your plans for the concert is not out of the question since she did agree to go with you. Link to comment
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