What do you think happened? Break up over a can of coke?

[FYI]

Not enough backstory - why does he say those things? What led up to them? Has he got a point? What does he actually want now - because that is certainly not clear, although some people seem to think they know.

 

Even with a backstory, that still doesn't make his actions appropriate.

[DN]

Even with a backstory, that still doesn't make his actions appropriate.

Of course not but if people want to get back together they need to explore these things. Reconciliations are not simple and it is wise not to assume that what people say or do is what they really mean or want if there is any ambiguity. In this case, the way the possessions were returned is ambiguous because of what was said, not because of what was done.

[Lonewing]

Oh I think his words were plain enough; either way, actions speak louder than words.

 

May his ship disappear over the horizon and sink, for all I care... he gave her the one good lifeboat and I dare say she'd be best to paddle back to her yacht and find someone who cares...

[DN]

Actually I don't believe they were plain at all. He didn't say "I brought your stuff because I am breaking up with you and I want it out of my place". He said: "I noticed that your stuff has been accumulating in my place and I thought you wanted them back." - big difference in emphasis as to who he considers is breaking up with whom.

[Lonewing]

No, He already told her he was breaking up with her, so that part is finished. Now if he wasn't done, I do believe he'd have Made a place at his place for her stuff, or kept it in a neat manner ready for her return or awaiting the day he takes it back. If there was a makeup on his mind he'd have handled them better than a black trash bag.

 

But he's gathered it all up and brought it over and left it.

 

I don' think there's any miscomunication here, he's done - and ironically enough, it's a blessing for her that he is doing this. We know nothing abotu the Op, but from what she has said about him, she can find someone far better in about 6 months after she's taken the proper time to get over this, heal, and refind herself.

[DN]

Well, I'm not going to argue in circles. I hold to the position that he may not be as sure about the break-up as people seem to think and will leave it at that.

[Lonewing]

I went through with this cyclical process with my ex not once but a couple times.

 

That experience has taught me that even if he isn't absolutely sure what he wants, it's in her best interest to drop it like it's hot and leave it. Even if after a couple moments he realizes he wants her back in his life, that's all good and well while he's on an up phase, but there will be down phases again and in down phases, his behavior is one of emotional abuse and social breakups. She will never know when these outbursts will happen, either, so if she returns she'll be living on eggshells just waiting for when, not if, he does it again.

 

She's worth more than this. And while yes, she could return and theoretically Fix him, over time and therapy and personal devleopment, but it's extremely risky because she'd be aiming for an outlier result in a system where the trend is failure. He's done her one step better by GIVING her the way out, instead of her sitting here for months or years hemming and hawing about if or when she leave him. She's Free!! Hence, spread those wings and fly!

[goodheartlady]

thank you Lonewing and DN for your comments! I am a little older than most people on this board, and I have gone through heart breaks before. I do not know if it is for the better or worse that I am recovering better than I had expected. At the end of the day, I am a whole person on my own, and I had been happy prior to meeting my ex. I am hopeful I will return to that "whole" self soon.

 

One thing I have learned is it takes two people to build love. It does not appear to me that he is invested in "us" at the present, and I can't fix something on my own. During our "break up" conversation, I kept feeling that he liked me as a person but wanted someone that is different. He wants someone more exciting, more sporty, and more outgoing (the list goes on). I am not that person, and I can't force myself to be someone else.

 

To all of us struggling, here is what I have learned. Keep your self busy. Take classes (am on my way to a golf tutorial now), learn a language, meet up with friends, and help a neighbor. Keep your hands busy so your mind would not obsess about the pass. Good luck everyone.

[DN]

Well, I am 62, so I've seen a fair amount of stuff too.

[Liraele]

thank you Lonewing and DN for your comments! I am a little older than most people on this board, and I have gone through heart breaks before. I do not know if it is for the better or worse that I am recovering better than I had expected. At the end of the day, I am a whole person on my own, and I had been happy prior to meeting my ex. I am hopeful I will return to that "whole" self soon.

 

/cheers!

 

One thing I have learned is it takes two people to build love. It does not appear to me that he is invested in "us" at the present, and I can't fix something on my own. During our "break up" conversation, I kept feeling that he liked me as a person but wanted someone that is different. He wants someone more exciting, more sporty, and more outgoing (the list goes on). I am not that person, and I can't force myself to be someone else.

 

Very good. Very, very good perspective.

 

To all of us struggling, here is what I have learned. Keep your self busy. Take classes (am on my way to a golf tutorial now), learn a language, meet up with friends, and help a neighbor. Keep your hands busy so your mind would not obsess about the pass. Good luck everyone.

 

And solid advice.

 

I stick with the theory that helping others heal their hearts is one of the best ways to heal your own.