What the heck am I doing

[Blue Skittles]

Here I am again. Well, awhile back I made a mistake - in getting back together with my ex. I'm not sure why I did it, he broke up with me in the first place, then he wanted me back, now I'm just not sure what to think. They say everything happens for a reason - I'll explain that part in a bit.

 

Well, at first I didn't see it happening - we just had one night together and I thought I'd be able to go back to just hanging out, seeing each other once in awhile, well he practically moved in with me. Which I would have turned him away, but he was doing so good - he had pretty much quit drinking, which is a big step for him, and we were starting to get along good, and I got to be a part of his family again - and his family has always been great.

 

Then, after about a month of that - he made some friends at work - which he got back to smoking pot every day which I am highly against and he knows it. Well, I got mad at him - and I refused to see him that night. Well, I hate these friends of his. The one girl - is just nasty - and she makes sexual comments to him in front of me. I think if them two got alone together something would happen because he has a lack of will power, and the other guy - who is supposed to be going for the nasty girl - is just dumb. They are just not my type of people. I have no clue why he would want to associate with them. I just got back from a weekend trip - and I have no clue what he was doing all weekend - he didn't try to call me - if he did he didn't leave a message - i'm really worried. What if he went and slept with the nasty girl. I don't know if I'll hear from him tonight or not - he knows i'm supposed to be back today.

 

The saving grace through all this is his family. I've been hanging out with his cousins - who are really good people - actually the complete opposite of him. Well one night i showed up and I was really upset because thats when i met his friends and found out that they smoke pot every day - and so I had a nervous breakdown I had been crying all day. Well his one cousin Adam was really concerned about me and got his sister to drive me home. I just told him I wasn't feeling well. Well his sister, Beth drove me home - and I told her all about what is happening - and she was very nice about it. I don't know if she told Adam, or told her parents, they all live together. I'm not sure how everyone would take it.

 

Well I went on this trip, and I got home and look at the caller ID, and I thought my boyfriend James had called me, but it turned out Adam called me a couple times, just checking to make sure I was feeling better, invite me out, etc. He's been a real sweetheart about all this - like I said I don't know if he knows the situation. I could never see Adam and I dating because that would be all too complicated - but he's been a great guy.

 

I just want to know whats going on - and what should I do. I really love James and care about him but I don't want to be thrown around like I did before - there is also a lot of emotional abuse, and I'm feeling really depressed, and extremely lost about everything. I do want to be with him but I don't want to watch him go back to drinking and drugs again. And, I want to get him some help but I'm not sure it will help. That, and I want to regain my independence that I got over the summer, and I'm not sure that will happen with him around. He seems to always have control over me when we are together. It sounds worse than it is, but thats basically what its like.

 

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

[DBL]

Well if you can't trust him, then the relationship isn't going anywhere. If you think he will sleep with nasty women, then you may end up with something nasty yourself like an STD. It is all your call though...just weigh it out. Are you willing to risk this for him?

 

DBL

[rosalind24]

Not to mention, you said he was emotionally abusive right? Don't be with someone who doesn't treat you right, it's really not worth it!

[Leslii]

You said he broke up with you. Why in the world didn't you leave him????

He's an emotionally abusive jerk who would cheat on you if he had the chance and with a nasty woman. He and his friends do drugs,sounds like a winner. Do you have that syndrome "any man is better than no man"

But then again you don't like Adam who has been there for you. He sounds to normal. I think you are very comfortable with dysfunctional

relatonships. If you had some self-respect why would you allow his horrible behavior.

 

If you get some therapy maybe you can see how crazy you are acting

and go for someone who is descent -not a total loser.

 

If you think he would cheat on you why give him the time of day???

 

You are in severe denial. You need to get your self -esteem up. Women with low self-esteem go for mean, abusive men. You really need to see

a therapist.