want him back but don't want to be stuck in limbo

[hopefulanna]

hi, I wouldn't normally post on a site like this but after reading so many people's stories and great advice given, would love to hear what you may think about my sad little tale.

 

I was with my bf for a year and he broke up with me 6 weeks ago. The first three months we were together were amazing but then I suffered a bad case of work related stress, call it a break down if you will and since then I've been struggling with health issues and having to rebuild my confidence and personality from the ground up. He stood by me but as you can imagine after 9 months of me being in poor mental and physical state he thought enough was enough and that he should leave me to get better. He also thought that I didn't want to be with him and at times I didn't because I had so many doubts as I couldn't think clearly about anything. On some levels I had pushed him away but on others I think he probably was just sick of me and wanted to go and sort out his own life and have some fun again.

 

Now he has gone I have done a lot of thinking and he was right in that leaving me has helped give me the space to get better. I am slowly turning back into my old self. I did cause a lot of problems in the relationship as I was so needy and put all my problems on to him and didn't consider his needs until it was too late. I am struggling to come to terms with it being over, I am sad that we never got to have the relationship we should of had because of what happened.

 

After the initial break up and me trying to get him back, I didn't contact him for a few weeks and then randomly bumped into him twice in a week in one of world's largest cities (the circumstances are beyond strange but I wont bore you with the details). These coincidences made me think even more that we should be together. We arranged to meet up and I went for dinner with him last week. We got on really well and at the end of the night had a big hug and he emailed to say that it was nice to see me.

 

Since then there has been no contact but I am right back to being upset as seeing him has brought all my feelings back like we split up just last week. I now don't know what to do. I know he wants to remain friends but I'm scared of this. I know while we're friends I won't be able to get him out of my system. I want him to want me, but I really don't know how he feels. He did use the 'let's see what happens' on me and I know he still cares but he also has a history of keeping ex's as friends and I don't want to be added to this list.

 

I know he'll be in touch with me soon and I just don't know how to move forward. To be friends hoping it might lead to a reunion or cut ties in the hope that I get over him and maybe he realises his mistake.

 

thoughts people?

[Harrowdown]

It sounds like you sorted out your issues BUT are you ready to be in a relationship with him? Assuming that's what you want?