New man in my life, but I'm still unsure...

[Dgirllamius]

I met a really nice guy and we get on really well and we have lots of things in common. We can talk about anything and stuff, and it could work out to be the perfect relationship.

 

However, my heart is still aching and pining for my ex boyfriend called Ricky. He's a guy I met about 1 year 4 months ago, and I am still majorly in love with him.

 

It's been ages since me and Ricky have been apart, and I am still NOT ready to get into a new relationship. I've just recently broke up with my ex, Dave and I'm sort of still hurting for him too. I'm torn into two pieces.

 

I really like this this new guy and stuff, but the thing is, I don't think I can be with him. I'm still crazily in love with Ricky even though Ricky is completely out of my life. I should by over it by now, shouldn't I?

 

I don't know what to do. I don't want to hurt this new guys feelings by telling him that I am still hurting about Ricky. What can I do?

[vimora]

Oh my god!

 

This is like my story. I was going to post in the healing form but I'll reply to your post first.

 

So I broke up with my boyfriend of almost 3 years a little over two months ago now. I love him so much. I know it's over but I'm still pining away and think about him often. Logically, I know it's over, I know he's moved on or moving on but I needed to hang out to him somehow and still do. I want to try to work things out but at this point I don't think he's willing to do so.

 

So anyway, after turning down some date offers from guys over the last couple of weeks, I finally said yes to someone yesterday. I mean, don't get me wrong, I am interested but felt guilty because of my ex.

 

After talking to some friends and getting points of view on the girl and guy side they told me that guys would probably not like hearing that you're hung up about your ex.

 

So I'm just going to approach this date casually and see what happens or what doesn't happen. I mean there is plenty of potential here, I just wish I had more time to be single first but with tons of encouragement (read: pushing) from my friends I'm finally starting to accept that I can't hold on and I've got to stop pining and that maybe it's okay to see other people on a casual basis. I know I'm not looking for a relationship now but I think now after certain comments from a guy friend that I have to stop looking back and start looking forwards.

 

I know it sounds lame, but the comments from my friends (some of if pretty harsh and made me cry) has finally drilled it into my head that it's over and to MOVE ON, pining does nothing. Continue to love him but don't wait for him. It's over.

[Michael2]

Oh my god!

 

 

 

I know it sounds lame, but the comments from my friends (some of if pretty harsh and made me cry) has finally drilled it into my head that it's over and to MOVE ON, pining does nothing. Continue to love him but don't wait for him. It's over.

 

Well there is your problem. Do what your heart tells you, not your friends. Jumping into dating to make yourself move on, do you honestly tjhink that is the solution?

[vimora]

I think that my heart is telling me to wait.

 

Let me just add that when I met this guy I was interested, three weeks later after hanging out in groups with friends almost evert other day, I'm still interested and he has asked me out.

 

I have debated over and over that it is unfair to go out with this guy if I'm still psychologically messed up about my ex. We've become good friends over the past couple of weeks. I want to tell him that I need more time before we take a new step but several people who have known him for years say he'll then probably avoid me. He's been able to make me laugh these last three weeks, I just feel that I could be hurting something good i.e, us just being friends.

 

What do you think?

[Dgirllamius]

The thing is, I would like to be going out and meeting new people, but for some reason, after being with the new person for so much time, my heart begins to ache, and I start to feel upset.

 

The guy wonders why I am feeling like this and I don't have the heart to say. It feels like my heart is literally stopping me from moving on and healing, if you know what I mean. As much as I would LOVE to move on, something is stopping me and I don't know what it is.

 

I know that I shouldn't be pining for my ex. He is ancient history, but I feel I cannot stop loving him because when we were together, I loved him sooooooooooooooooooooooooooo god damn much that I just couldn't explain it. I've only been with one more guy since Ricky, and well, it lasted nine months, and I thought I really loved him, but thinking about it now, I'm not sure.

 

My heart still aches for Ricky. It's still crying out his name and I just want to see him again for one last time. I need to see him to get over him, but I feel that if I do see him, I will fall even more in love with him and I will never move on...

 

I'm so confused...

[fridolyn]

You guys have answered my question. Even if I dont want to get my -ex- back anymore,that I'm dating someone exceptional right now. I'm not ready to get involved in a new relationship. I think you are ready for this when:

 

1- you dont want your "ex" back. (true for me)

2- you are an happy-fulfilled-single person. (not yet true for me).

3- that you are 100% in love with the new person. That this new person is not just there to fill the gaps (loneliness, the strong urge to love and be loved etc.)

 

I really think it takes time. I often tell myself patient wil just make things better". My opinion. Whatdo you think????

 

 

***English is my second langauge***

[ruth1978]

my ex left me three years ago, and although i think i'm over it now i did take two years to get over it. i dated other people but was always thinking about him, you should not be dating anyone else when your mind is on an ex, for one you'll be unhappy with your new man/woman and for another it's not fair to the new partner that you have feelings for an ex.

when i dated other people, i started turning nasty and treating them badly, bringing them to tears sometimes because they thought they'd done something wrong when they hadn't it was me who was still pining for my ex.

the best solution is to be alone until you're ready to move on, you don't want to hurt anyone else through your healing process, no matter how nice the person is you're dating, it won't help you get over your ex any quicker and it's not fair to them.

i've been over my ex for a year now, but still i sit there from time to time and wonder what we'd be doing now if we were together, but when you've been in love and i mean real love, then you'll maybe always care for that person, but it's when you know you've stopped being in love with them then you know you can move on and be with someone else, and not before.