Need some advice to help save my sanity

[mnuttster]

Hello, I am sure that everyone has read what is going on with me and my ex but ill just recap. we were together for 2 yrs/engaged for 6 mo. she broke up with me over the summer because she felt i was neglecting her(i am in the radio profession and it takes up so much time just to make it in the biz) and that we were getting into so many stupid fights that she just couldnt take it anymore. we broke up and still kept in contact ever since. about a month or so ago, she found this new guy that she i guess is head over heels about (and to her friends she talks all about him and nothing about me). but the thing is that she will still say things to me that seem like there is still something there like.. "i miss you so much that its hard to see you sometimes" and "i want to sleep next to you again, make love to you again, be with you again" and then at the end she will say that she cant "right now and that she needs time" I make no contact with her at all, but she still calls me maybe every two or so days for some reason or another. it is so hard to deal with this because i love this girl to pieces and even though i have gone out on other dates, none of them really have been able to match up to her. i just want some help on what to do, if i should let her go completely or if i should just put a small hope in the back of my mind for her to come back, while i move on and try to find someone new. i am open to anything, i just cant keep on hurting like this because its ripping me apart and just makes it harder for me to go out and have fun. its hard because she has asked me to "be a friend for her now because that is what she needs". what should i do? help please someone, i feel like im drowning every day when i wake up.

[Maynard]

I think that the other guy is just her rebound,

if i were you i will start ignoring her even if its hard, be rude to her when she call and tell her that you dont want to talk to her because you want to move on.

 

And after a while she might begin to miss you, and she might comme back.

 

I'm not sure that that is the way to go to get her back but even if it dont work it will help you forget about her

[cmacey]

Yeah i agree with Maynard here. If you do want her back you can't stay and let her know you'll always be there. I would just not get ahold of her and if she gets ahold of you just keep the conversations short and end them fast, talk about something other than your relationship and feelings. If she does decide she wants you back, deal with it then, not now. Don't keep the hope there, if you can get over her, do it, and if she comes back you may or may not still want her. Then you'll be the one making the decisions. I'm in a similar situation, except I just recently stopped contacting my ex about a week ago. She doesn't really contact me, and I know she still loves me, but needed time. I'm not focusing on her coming back, I hope she does, but I don't expect it and I'm moving forward with my life as fast as I can and if she does come back the decisions of what to do will be made then, not now.

[qt]

i would agree that this guy is possibly her rebound, BUT the problem with that is that maybe he's not and its difficult to think that yeh she'll come back to you. you are in a tough spot at the moment and i fully understand what you're going through, as i am in a similar position. my bf of over a year( kinda on and off, due to his depressiona nd long distance) broke up with me a month ago and has now found someone new. the porblem is there was no problem with our relationship and i know for a fatc if i lived near him we'd still be together. so back to your issue-i have decided to TRY an the operative word being 'try' becasue it is extremely difficult, to move on from hima nd try and get mylife back together. he's with this girl and hes telling me that no one understands him like i do and that im his soulmate-similar to what your ex is saying to you. i guess i am keeping in the back of my mind the hope that he comes back, but thats a tough decisoin to make because then if it turns out that hes not on the rebund with her, it will become even more difficult to get over him and so the same will aplly to you. if you think she is the one for you, then i would say to kp in the back of your mind the possibility that you might get back together, but dont hang on to that too much. if you need to talk though, im a good listener and i'll try help you out

xxx

[mnuttster]

thanks for the positive words. i am not sure what to do right now. she goes back and forth and it seems like sometimes when she says that stuff about us getting back together, she will act like she doesnt mean it a few days later. i have left all the contacting up to her and figure if she wants to talk to me, she can get in touch with me. that way that if she just needs space and time away from me to figure out what she wants, whether it be this guy or something else, or even to get back with me, that she will be able to. i mean her and i didnt have the best relationship because we were both so busy but we did love each other so much and i mean we were engaged and there was a special bond that we did share (she says i was the only guy she has let all the way into her inner sanctum because she had put up walls around guys for years due to a hard upbriging), so thats why every time we broke up she would come back. the thing is that i dont want to hold on and then have her never come back because maybe i was supposed to only be the guy that broke the string of bad relationships with men and that i helped her put trust back in them. i dont know, it sucks because it is driving me crazy because i miss her every day and night and i cry about it all the time, i even went back on my meds and am in group therapy to try and help me deal with the pain. *i even was stupid enough to call her right now @ 9am to see how she was doing, which she called me back and asked me why i was calling her at 9am in the morning to she how she was doing and when i asked her if she could call me later, she said "like i said, ill talk to you later" which basically means no, so i dont know* i am stuck and it hurts and i dont know how to deal with this, so thank you for the help and please just keep sending advice.

[MayMay]

I have to say; I'm ashamed to admit; I've done this to guys myself. And now it's being done to me.

 

Sometimes, that comfort level is there, you know? She's known you for so long, and she *knows* how you feel about her, and she just wants you there when SHE wants you there. Maybe if her and the new guy aren't clicking just right that day, she thinks about you and keeps you out on that fishing hook.. JUST IN CASE.

 

I would start a no contact agenda. Really. It hurts, I know, I'm there too, but you just can't move on until you get healed up.

 

*If*, (and the operative word here is IF) *IF* she really loves you and wants to come back, she will.

 

My ex keeps calling and telling me he wants to hang out with me, and that he thinks about me every day, etc; but when I quit answering his phone calls, he left a message on my voice mail saying, "I think you're right not to answer my phone calls. I don't think it was working out for me."

 

So now I know. And believe me, if you cut her off, you'll get a difinitive answer also, even if it's only silence.

 

Remember, the hurt will NOT last forever, no matter HOW much we hurt right now.

 

"How can you have a future if your past is in your present?" ~sex in the city

 

May

[Silverado]

She's sitting on a fence Nutt. She can't make up her mind what she wants. She will also keep trying to keep you a part of her indecision as long as you let her. Push for the NC and let her know she can't keep stringing you along.

[mnuttster]

yea it seems like she is sitting on the fence, but at the same time she has shown signs of that she wants to come back. I think she is wanting to be single for awile and then when she is ready for someone she will come back to me. It just is weird that she has gotten jealous over my going out on dates with girls saying "dont you want to work things out between you and me" and "i just need time, i do want to give us another chance". it is hard to figure out waht to do because she also said that she wants to work on our friendship before she thinks about going on a date with me. This is all so confusing because I feel so close to her and i giving it another go, but at the same time she feels sorta distant at some times. Like she has called me the last three days for anything and has even asked me to hang out a few times, i just dont know what to take this as. I dont know if doing NC would work now because she has said that she wants to do the friend thing before we think about getting back together (which is some sorta positive message right?) i dont know, im really dumb with relationships, i always am too nice and get walked all over, but i love this girl crazy that its so hard to let go. please help, i feel like im drowning every day i go through this.