so much on my mind...

[discouraged]

Today, i have a lot of anger in myself and my ex. Im struggling immensely to maintain NC at the moment. Quick rundown: we were together for 3 1/2 years. she's 23, has her career, successful, and lives on her own. Im 27, going to school, work 30 hours a week, and still live at home...

 

Im angry at my ex because of the reasons she broke it off for. It felt like to me all she focused on all of my negatives traits during the last few months of the relationship to convince herself she should leave. She nitpicked at every little negative action i did and exaggerated in her mind.(ex: brag/gloat about something i did well, stay home on my bday instead of wanting to go out to vegas and party with her friends, stay home on the weekends because I've been depressed and been struggling with money, how i have no interests/hobbies of my own, a group of friends she can like or hang out with together, etc.) Then, when she broke it off, she gave me reasons that I'm not "fun/exciting" for her, I'm not driven or determined to be successful, I'm too lazy, she relied on me too much, and how she wants to be single to know she can live on her own...

 

Honestly, i want to break NC to tell her all of my rebuttals to every thing she mentioned. I know its not gonna change anything because she wanted to leave, but I'm angry at myself for accepting everything she said and declaring i would change. Im livid because i know I'm not any of those reasons she gave.

 

I know my education took a long time (3 1/2 years of going to a community college), but its difficult working and going to school at the same time while taking major-prep classes for engineering. Yes, i didn't aim for big UC's like UCLA or UC Berkeley, but nonetheless I'm still capable of transferring to a UC. i knew that aiming for the big UC's would have been too overwhelming in my current situation and i tried to make do with what i had to the best of my abilities, in which i know i did. I hate how she looked down on my struggles saying that others have tried harder and i half-arsed my attempt.

 

When she was till pursuing her degree, she didn't try hard at all. She just took the necessary amount of classes and transferred to a cal state while her parents paid for everything. She looked down on everyone in that school and hated going there because she thought she was better than that. I believe thats she projected her feelings about herself onto me and broke me down.

 

I hate how right now, she's believing that I'm worthless and not good enough for her, when i did everything else she ever wanted in a man. I can name a list of things i did for her without her asking me to, but also never recognizing/appreciating them either. Honestly, all she ever cared about was her image and how others perceive her and her life. I tried desperately to satisfy this need of hers and tried to keep up with her habits of going out every weekend. Dont get me wrong, i love to go out too, but i knew it wasn't a good idea for me since i had little money.

 

Do all girls think like this? how us "nice guys" will move mountains for them, only for them not to recognize the struggles of getting it moved? How, women will get angry that my education took this long, but there was still much progress nonetheless? How she desperately wanted me to get into a big UC just so she can brag to her mom about it? (i know, that line came out of the blue but it was a desire she had, she kept trying to prove to her mom how great she was because her mom kept looking down at her struggles) Throughout the relationship, it felt like i was never good enough for her or anything of the things i did was worth appreciation. I don't get it?!?!?!

 

Even with all of this, i still want her back. Im struggling really hard at the moment to maintain NC because all i want to do, is tell her everything on my mind... ARGH!!!

[RFB]

Don't call, don't e-mail, don't text. It's over and you'll just come accross looking like a psycho ex if you contact her. Go out with class and say nothing. Just accept it and move on as hard as that will be.

 

There is someone out there who will appreciate you, for who you are.

 

And no, not all women are the Devil, just most of them Seriously there are a lot of nice girls out there. Take the time to heal and then go try and meet one

[sentencedtoagony]

Don't try to convince someone who doesn't really want the relationship. I know the urge to do so very well. It sounds harsh, but they simply don't want us. They gave up. Both people have to be persistent for it to work.

[guynextdoor]

She looked down upon you. Its not like you're not trying but in her eyes you are not good enough for her. Let her be, she's going to land another guy thats all about image and wouldn't have a clue how to treat woman.

[Habibi]

studying, working 30 hours/week, big ambitions and responsible...damn! I would date you anytime

she aint worthy, you got too much to offer

stick to your own level, she is clearly beneath it

[discouraged]

yeah, i need to let it go and don't break NC, but i just hate her perception of me because its not true. I hate this invalidation i feel. How can someone claim they love you with all their heart and then go back on that and say they don't love you anymore?

 

I also didn't understand how when we were breaking up, and i agreed to leave, she was trying to tickle me... why?!?!?! she knows I'm not ticklish, yet she tried... why?!?!?!

[EgoJoe]

Put naked pictures of her on the internet with her name, address and phone number super-imposed on them. You'll feel better...

 

Hah, naw, in all seriousness:

 

So what? You going to let some dumb bimbo define your reality with her feelings and egotistical defense mechanisms that she had to conjure due to her inability to own her decisions based off of her inner motivations?

[discouraged]

No you're right, i just can't get it out of my head and its constantly increasing in intensity and I'm afraid to break NC once the thoughts become too intense. It wasn't right for her to tell me all of those things and project her feelings about herself onto me while i just accepted it and own it. i guess that my only regret, how i just lost my manhood and gave up myself in an attempt to "keep" her. arghh!!!

[RFB]

No you're right, i just can't get it out of my head and its constantly increasing in intensity and I'm afraid to break NC once the thoughts become too intense. It wasn't right for her to tell me all of those things and project her feelings about herself onto me while i just accepted it and own it. i guess that my only regret, how i just lost my manhood and gave up myself in an attempt to "keep" her. arghh!!!

 

You lost your manhood????? Because you went a little coocoo over a girl?? Then most of the men on the planet have at one time or another. Seriously suck it up and keep no contact.

[discouraged]

haha yeah, you're right. I didn't lose anything and the urge to break NC finally went away. Thanks guys for the advice. I just gotta suck it up like RFB said and move on/focus on myself.

[brian12345]

I think it's a good thing you've arrived at this conclusion. You're saying "wait a second, I'm not lazy, I'm not an underachiever" and it's a great thing to realize you have value. The next thing you should recognize is "she isn't too good for me". I think it's important for you to realize you deserve better than how she's treated you, just resist acting on it by contacting her. Keep living your life and stay motivated to improve yourself for the right reasons, not her bogus ones.

[discouraged]

yeah, i do have value and i lost that during the relationship. i was constantly brought down by her to manipulate me in putting her on the pedestal. apparently, it worked on me... now i need to take her off and I'm starting the process of doing so.