LulzSec Posted June 21, 2012 Share Posted June 21, 2012 Hey everyone, just thought I'd make this thread to inform everyone who was involved with my last thread that I am not dead, Lol... A few things happened and I ended up being admitted to the hospital for psychiatric help. Which only made things worse as far as I'm concerned. Now, I have recently seen my doctor who noticed some swollen lymph nodes which were swollen the same way 2 years ago, and never went away from what I remember. He had previously ordered a nuclear bone scan to check for, what I assume can only be Cancer.. and after finding those lymph nodes still swollen, he put extreme emphasis on the urgency of getting that nuclear bone scan done. Which really unnerved me... I have always thought I have either Lyme Disease as TiredofVampires mentioned in my previous post.. but I have also thought I've had some form of Cancer for some time. And the lymph nodes, along with my doctors suspicious behavior, and finally the "tumor" like growth in my spine is pretty much enough to convince me but then again I don't want to get too crazy over it in case I am wrong.. but I had the same weird feeling when I knew I was going to be diagnosed with Fibromyalgia. And that turned out to be true, regardless of the validity of that diagnosis.. the gut feeling was still correct and I fear that is the same this time. I am also very down after that doctors appointment.. because I didn't get anything for pain yet again. I am about ready to say, give me narcotics, or get out of my face. I am not a junkie, and I am not seeking to get "high" which is what makes even posing that question a problem due to my past history.. not to mention the police recently seized a pile of medication I had which I intended to OD on... so I don't think that will happen, and nothing else does anything. I mean, I haven't ever taken narcotics but usually drugs don't work on me unless they are designed to take down an elephant.. so I assumed narcotics would do the trick. I just know If I don't have some relief or escape from the pain of my physical ailments I am going to end up in a very bad position again. I am trying to figure out how to move out... I am waiting to hear back from several people about my eligibility regarding government funding (welfare/disability) but it's going to take a while which doesn't help me in the least, especially since it's not a certainty. And finally, I would like to rant for a bit. How is it that, if you kill yourself you are the selfish one? Somebody made this comment to me recently and I kind of wanted to give them a good lecturing but didn't.. My thoughts on that though, is that THAT is total crap. If somebody knows they are never going to be happy, or that they are going to be in the same spot years from now, and if everything is fine then, it will happen AGAIN years after that like a never ending cycle, while at the same time they have to live in agony, then who is the selfish one? the person who thinks they are entitled to make the victim of all that misery feel obligated to be around just so they don't get hurt for a while (and then move on like everyone does), or the person who actually has to deal with all that misery and takes their life because there is no other relief? How I see it, the person who feels suicidal and carries it out is not selfish. There is no thought of ones "self" when you die, you aren't thinking about all the attention ect because you will be DEAD and even if you were, it will not matter. Therefore, no "Selfish" action or intent involved EITHER WAY. On the other hand, the people who insist the person must live, are being selfish. Because the actions of another person onto oneself does not DIRECTLY affect anyone else. Therefore, if you are being manipulated into a feeling of having to live almost just to fulfill the obligation of not hurting someone, then how is THAT not selfish? All the other people want is to not have to experience INDIRECT pain of that suicidal persons actions. That is selfish because by that standard, everybody on the planet, regardless of how horrible a situation, is then somehow obligated to endure it only so a few faces don't cry and frown for a few weeks. I know there are many arguments back and forth on that... but I sincerely believe that to be the cold hard truth, just as it is true that you cannot die with dignity, you cannot die being selfish. The only ones who are selfish are the ones in good standings who watch others crumble, and instead of helping just demand you stick around so they will be alright. It is very sick that people would even pull that card and I don't know where they get off doing it "you can't commit suicide because then ill.." and then they lose me. Anyways... that sums it all up right now, Just thought id give you all an update and get a thing or two off my chest. Thanks for reading. (PS - I'd like to apologize to everyone in my last thread I haven't replied to. I do plan to go back and personally answer everyone I missed in my last thread, don't think I forgot about you guys!) Link to comment
Glowguy Posted June 21, 2012 Share Posted June 21, 2012 Hey lulz, I remember your thread earlier and I'm glad you're still around and posting despite the awful news. I agree with you completely. I certainly don't advocate suicide but in cases like yours I completely understand and selfishness doesn't even enter into the picture IMO. I just wanted to post and urge you again not to give up hope. There is a pretty severe history of chronic illness in my family and I'm close to it all the time. I have a degenerative chronic immune problem and I was in constant pain for years. My mom has crones and my brother and aunt both have debilitating pain. I haven't had it nearly as tough as you but my brother was in horrible shape for years. He was in so much pain that he could barely get out of bed and was confined to a wheel chair for a period of time. He was also diagnosed with fibromyalgia but doctors really couldn't figure out what the hell was wrong with him. That's the scary part and it's tough to escape stress like that. He saw about 30 doctors and tried all kinds of medication. He has actually made almost a full recovery in the last few years on what seems like sheer will alone. He did work really hard on physical therapy and started with what limited exercise he could manage and his body just seemed to respond. It was slow and gradual but it happened. I've also found relief for my pain and symptoms have almost disappeared entirely thanks to a fairly new class of drugs. Medical science can be pretty amazing sometimes and you never know what could be around the corner for you. Please stick it out as long as you can and I really hope you find some relief for your pain soon. Feel free to PM me anytime. Link to comment
hadronznight Posted June 24, 2012 Share Posted June 24, 2012 Stay strong man, don't give in! Link to comment
meowtney Posted January 23, 2013 Share Posted January 23, 2013 Check your email (hotmail) please Link to comment
Michele32 Posted January 24, 2013 Share Posted January 24, 2013 I disagree with the statement of suicide being selfish as well. It baffles me that people will think about themselves when someone they know commits suicide. Did you take your time with them for granted and not tell them how you feel or talk to them as much as you should have so you have regrets now that they are gone? Whose fault is that? Finally that person is at peace, they are not in pain and in this world anymore. I think it's because people have regrets so they call the person who is dead selfish which is BS. Link to comment
hippiechick101 Posted March 28, 2013 Share Posted March 28, 2013 Hello...I made an account when I first saw your thread yesterday..if you ever wanna talk I'm here for you. Link to comment
pl3asehelp Posted March 28, 2013 Share Posted March 28, 2013 How many friends and family members of your have done this? You need to have experienced of to understand why we feel it's selfish. Link to comment
Edward B Hall Posted August 11, 2013 Share Posted August 11, 2013 LulzSec you have Lyme for sure. I would know I have it also. The chances of you actually having Fibro are slim to none. The president of ILADS was one of the TOP Fibro docs. After he intensely studied Lyme, he came to realize that 70% of his patients had lyme - NOT FIBRO! He further researched tested etc, and found that while he could not decisively prove it that a further 25% of his patients probably had lyme. He switched his practice, and a TON of his patients got better. I believe you are in Canada, and up there I am fairly sure they don't believe Canada ticks have lyme. You must realize that even if you are diagnosed with lyme that the chances your doctor will effectively treat it are slim as they just don't know about it as much as they should. You need to seek out a ILADS doctor. You need to realize that there are many co-infections that can as sometimes go with lyme. Some of the most common are Bartonella (which is 3 times more common than lyme, and can be carried by many bugs, spiders, fleas etc), Babesia (a protozoan infection), and about a dozen others. There are many different forms of lyme, and there are over 200 different forms of Bartonella. The best test currently is from Fry Labs in the USA, Dr Steven Fry has a good Blood smear for BLO's Bartonella like organisms (BLO is a name coined since there are so many of them). This has been horrible for me, and I had considered suicide also. Unfortunately there is a majority of people that do not get diagnosed properly, and even if diagnosed, the co-infections are not treated at the same time as lyme, and the lyme does not go away because of this. A surprising number of them commit suicide. I have been on 6 different antibiotics, for over 3 years and I am 90% better than I was. You must get to a good doctor (ILADS). It might be the worst thing you experince in your whole life. It was for me. I will not BS you and say it will be easy, it just plain sucked for me, not other way of putting it. I still have muscle twitches and some other things, but I am getting better SLOWLY. Lyme time can be years! But you will not start that journey until you are on the right meds for a long time period. You will get sicker, possibly much sicker when you go on the meds, just no way around it. If I can be of help, feel free to contact me. Get to an ILADS doc and there is an 85% chance that you will be MUCH better! Your life will be worth living again, although it might not feel like it for 6 months after you start treatment. Link to comment
shyannmariee12 Posted September 1, 2013 Share Posted September 1, 2013 I wanna talk to u. Link to comment
acelegacy Posted April 10, 2015 Share Posted April 10, 2015 I created this account because of your thread. Are you still alive? Link to comment
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