Not interested... text to say so, or don't reply?

[muso]

Hi all, just after some thoughts/advice on this. Met a girl from an online site tonight and it was pleasant enough, we had a nice chat and a couple of drinks but I'm not really interested in taking it further romantically. As we were leaving, in that awkward ending part of the date I said 'let me know if you want to hang out again' and she said 'Yeah I do' and she's sent me a text saying what a great time she had. All of which is good for the ego, but now I'm wondering whats the best way to handle the situation. In the past I would have just not responded/deleted number - which I realise may not be the nicest way to deal with it. But how do you reply to let them know you're not really interested? Personally if I like a girl, I would prefer to never hear from her again than for her to tell me she doesn't like me. How do you guys handle these situations?

[topdown]

Be a man and tell her. Its easier in the long run, if you don't you will dwell on it and she will be confused. Clear the air, its not a big deal, you went on one date.

[peacepipe]

I have a few friends who do the online dating ...

 

so from that and how it makes them feel..men and women

 

just text her and say your not interested ..

 

there is nothing worse than ......nothing ...and it knocks self esteem and makes you wonder about yourself.

 

you don't owe an explanation , you don't owe her a chapter out of war and peace ...but what is fair , and respectful is just a short text like I say ...

 

"I enjoyed meeting you flossy but felt no connection so will end it here "

 

and try not to end a date with

 

let me know if you want to hang out again'

 

that makes one think your interested .

 

fair play to you for not just ignoring her and at least attemtping to communicate it isn't going anywhere. If only everyone was like you , I had a pal agonise for days over why she was now been ignored ...not nice.

[muso]

Thanks for the advice. You're both right, and I have just said 'I don't think the romantic spark was there, but it would be cool to hang out as friends sometime' (which I actually wouldn't mind).

[topdown]

well done!

[Daligal83]

OP, I think what you said sounds very good. If she felt a spark, she may feel burned but at least she won't be waiting for a text.

 

I just want to say though, I've done both the silence tactic and the text back tactic. More times than not when I have actually communicated that I'm not interested, I get insulted back as a response. So I really don't think there's one right way to deal with these situations anymore. People have lost a lot of common decency.

[RedDress]

Oh yay! I'm glad you texted her and let her know. Otherwise, she could have happily gone off dreaming about your next date, waiting patiently for 3 days for you to call... ok four... hmmm, it's been five.... should she text? What a horrible, agonizing situation.

 

@Daliga - I agree that sometimes you get a nasty response in return... but does it really matter? Block. Personally, I'd rather take a dig and feel within myself that I did the right thing. I agree that common decency is becoming more and more rare... but isn't that more of a reason to exercise common decency?

[brickheart]

I'm also glad you texted her back. If I were in her shoes, I would be trying so hard to rationalize why you weren't responding, especially with an opening like "let me know if you want to do something again." Situations like that are exactly why the book He's Just Not That Into You is so popular; unfortunately for women, we do a lot of overthinking and overanalyzing without wanting to believe that he's just too polite or scared to say he's not interested.

[Greatone99]

I'm also glad you texted her back. If I were in her shoes, I would be trying so hard to rationalize why you weren't responding, especially with an opening like "let me know if you want to do something again." Situations like that are exactly why the book He's Just Not That Into You is so popular; unfortunately for everyone, we do a lot of overthinking and overanalyzing without wanting to believe that he's just too polite or scared to say he's not interested.

 

Fixed, and QFT

[lostandhurt]

I always let them know there wasn't a spark or chemistry or some other nice way of letting them know I am not interested. I hate it when they go silent so I don't do that to anyone.

 

The best thing is that if you run into them again you don't look like a jerk and if they have a gf you think is cute you haven't screwed yourself.

 

Honesty isn't always the easiest but in the end you feel better

 

Lost