What just happened?

[elephants]

Well, the second call was needy. I know you did it to clarify things --- but from what you have posted, he isn't clear on much himself. I don't think he is playing games -- he may not remember previous conversations.

 

Again I say --- let him heal. Heal yourself. I don't see him looking to get into any relationship in the near future. Not with you, not with anyone else.

 

Yeah, I know the second call was needy. I knew it even before I called! But I couldn't help it. In my brain, it was like I had two options: to call and risk it, or not to call and be tormented indefinitely!

 

I don't think he's playing games either. I mean, I don't think he's trying to "keep me on the back burner" by sending "breadcrumbs". He's not that type of person.

 

I'm giving him all the space possible to heal. I'm trying to detach as well, but it's so hard! Mostly, the things I do seem more like "distractions" than actual "progress". But I don't how else to go about it. I've read so many things about how to move on, both on here and on other websites, and I've been trying to follow the "steps", but it's like my heart is so stubborn.

[tothecoast]

Just to add onto what everyone's already said here--elephants, if your transcription of the conversation is at all accurate, he sounds very, very, very unwell. I'm not sure that you could describe him as recovered in any way, other than, recovered just barely "enough" to be out of the hospital.

 

I don't have time to write a ton right now--but I just wanted to add here that this is so clearly not about you. Your ex is very sick, and he's going to be dealing with this for a long time. The good news is that I don't think your breakup has anything to do with who you are. The bad news is, I think his depression is the first and only thing he can see right now...and I think it is likely to be like that for awhile.

 

I know you've been struggling lately too, but the thing is--you are heartbroken, not bipolar...and heartbreak will pass. You will be okay again, I promise. But there's no telling when he'll be okay. So for now...take comfort in the knowledge that there is nothing you could have done to prevent this, and hang on, okay? Remember the shore...it's there, even if you can't see it.