Any ideas?

[Shattered_Dreams]

Hey y'all! I'm getting near to the all to well known 'rock bottom' and was wondering if any of you guys have any words of wisdom?

 

About 2 or so years ago, i tried to commit suicide. I managed to destroy everyone around me by doing so. I realized i needed help. I had a shrink, was on anti-depressants, and spilled my guts out. Since then, everyone thinks i have moved on......truth is, i haven't.

 

I'm not as bad as i used to be, i don't dwellon my feelings of depression, but they're still there eating away inside at the bits that are left from last time. I really don't no what to do! I've been depressed for about 3 or 4 years now and am running out of strength again.

 

The thing is, i went through pretty much everything there is to help try and cure you, but if it didn't work last time, i am extremely doubtful it will this time around if i go through it all again. I haven't told anyone i still feel this way, i put everyone through so much pain and i am not willing to rip open they're healed wounds.

 

I just wondered if any of you had any ideas as to what i can do?

 

x x x

[lostlove]

I would suggest talking to a friend about this, or maybe a psychiatrist. I don't think it would make any of your loved ones very happy if you killed yourself.

[Shattered_Dreams]

Thanks lostlove

 

*sad smile*

 

I've been considering talking to a friend about it, but the prospect of bringing it all up again for them isn't too nice. I don't wish to hurt anyone, and i know that by doing it i would, but i can't seem to shake the feelings.

 

Last time i saw a therapist, they brought things up i had repressed without knowing, and i'd of rather they stayed repressed because when they where brought up from my blocked memory it made things worse x

[debaser]

Ok, this might sound dumb, but maybe you could try learning some new things? I have had very bad depression and other problems for years and it has nearly got the better of me a lot of times..but I'm learning to try and accept it. Well, anyway, I found it's good to keep busy, so I started learning new things - even things I didn't have much of an interest in. I just tried a whole bunch of things online.

 

Well, after everything I found design and art and music....well, now it keeps me busy and it gives me goals. And it's nice when people are impressed with what I do, so that helps with the confidence side of things as well.

 

Hope that might help some. Take care x.

[ayekasong]

Depression is a condition that one does not "just move on" from in the matter of a year. I have struggled with it since the time I was 12. After I went to see a therapist last year, I was put on anti-depressants as well. I don't see the therapist anymore, nor do I take the pills, but I feel that I am doing fine without them right now. However, if I got as bad as I did again, I would go back to the medicine and seeing a therapist.

 

Please don't count the option out to go back to the therapist and go back on medication if you feel it is needed. I have been told that if you have two or more major depressive episodes in your life, you might need to be on the anti-depressants permanently. The more depression episodes in your life, the less seratonin is produced in your brain, and the harder it will be to feel happy.

 

If you didn't like your last shrink, go see a new one. It's much better than dragging your friends and family (as well as yourself) through another suicide attempt. I know you may not want bad memories to resurface, but there comes a point in your life that you have to deal with your past, both the good and the bad. If you don't, it will devour you. Good luck and keep us posted.

[antigone77]

I am 27 and also have had major, major depressive episodes. Tried to commit suicide at least twice, way back in the day.

 

I haven't been on medication in ten years, but now I am seeking it out and can think of at least one other time I wish I had ... when I went from being a HS honor grad to flunking out of a state uni.

 

My advice to you is to switch up the medication. If the medication you are taking is not working (sounds like it isn't), there are a sh**load of options now that weren't even there five years ago.

 

You don't have to tell your family, and you don't have to tell your friends. Just tell your psychiatrist. He or she is a doctor and with the new HIPPA laws they can't even tell your folks you've asked for that ... unless you are a minor.

 

If you are a minor, all you have to tell them when they ask is that you didn't think the medication was working. "And, mom and dad, being the intelligent person I am, I figured I needed to switch." ( :

 

If you don't talk to someone and switch up your options, you may be able to hold on to a while, but speaking from experience, I can tell you that that will only lead to a desert of an existence that will only add to future pain. (Existence versus living)

 

Worse, that never-extinguished and ever-present pain may lead you into a relationship with a like-minded person who may just be worse than you and may just gank themselves.

 

Which, trust me, you will never recover from.

 

I know, because my boyfriend did.

 

I don't mean to scare you, but I do want to give you a big flash-forward if you don't act to change something in your life.

 

The good news is that YOU CAN AND WILL FEEL HAPPY AND OKAY, probably for a good long time. But don't let this thing get out of control or you might just go under, too.

 

I am worried for you, and you're on my prayer list tonight. Please, please, PM me if you need to chat.

 

I don't know your friends, your family, or your shrink, so your secrets are safe with me.

[thisisnotanexit]

hey

we all get that way sometimes..there are many times in my life when i think im hitting bottom, so youre not alone..dont forget that. thats why i think it would be safe to talk about it with someone, bc more people than you know are struggling j/ like you. things do get better with time, just dont let your situations get the best of you. dont let the temporary make you lose sight of the long run. you sound like an awesome person and i raelly wish you well..if you wanna talk, please msg me. take care

 

link removed

[Shattered_Dreams]

debase - Thanks for replying to the post.

 

*hugs*

 

Funny you should say that, i've started playing the guitar now, (i love music). I see your point about feeloing proud when you start to get somewhere with things. Thanks for your help x x x

 

 

ayekasong - Thanks for posting. I've thought about going back on to medication, but if anything it made me feel worse. Medication made me feel even more useless and pathetic. Alcohol and pot is my medicine now, not too smart on my behalf i know, but it's one of the only things that keeps me going these days. I'll do some more thinking about returning to a shrink. Thanks hun x x x *hugs*

 

 

antigone77 - Firstly, i am ever so sorry to hear about your boyfriend

 

*tight hug*

 

It saddens me to know you've had to go through that and my heart goes out to you hun. I used to have a friend that had severe depression, but i managed to help him through it, thankfully. And none of my other friends suffer from it. Thank you for all your help, prayers and offer of a chat. Take care hun x x x

 

 

thisisnotanexit - Thank you for taking the time to reply

 

*hug*

 

I've tried, like you said, to look forward instead of backwards. It worked for a bit, but something always jumps back and nips you in the butt. Thanks the offer of a talk, it may be needed. Thanks buddy x x x

 

 

Thank you all so much. You have all been so helpful. I shall take all into consideration and try to put my depression behind me once and for all. Thanks for giving me some determination y'all.

 

*hugs and kisses to all*

 

I'm always here for any of you lot too. I'm only a PM away x

[whathappensnext]

i think that it would hurt your family and friends to find out your still thinking about suicide, but they might feel worse if your gone. To tell you the truth they might be kindof relived if you tell them cuz they will know you trust them to help you and that you care more about them and yourself to not kill yourself.

[asdf]

if it's a clinical condition, i think you need to see a psychiatrist

 

if it's just a mental condition, i would actually consider travelling around the world. something about seeing the world kind of helps you put things into perspective. this is going to be impractical to a lot of people (especially if you're young), but if you can i think it's one of the most valuable experiences you can get, and i highly reccommend it. it got me out of this huge depressive phase i was in for 3 to 4 years.

[i_hate_the_world47]

I would suggest confiding in a loved one about this.I am sure they would be happy to know.Also,try to keep your mind off of these thoughts.Try going out and running.Or try to right out your feelings.Good luck and if you ever need someone to talk to feel free to PM me.

 

~meagan~

[ayekasong]

Shattered, may I ask why medication makes you feel pathetic and useless? There is nothing pathetic about needing help balancing chemicals in your body. Unfortunately there are no special exercises you can do to increase seratonin production in your brain, and thats the chemical that makes you feel happy. Taking anti-depressants (in concept) is not much different than taking a medicaton for athsma or high blood pressure.

 

A pill could never make you useless. No human being is useless.