He texted me last week. What does this mean?

PoloGirl · October 5, 2004

Some of you may remember my story, a brief summary:

Me and ex-fiance were engaged last December,together for 2 and a half years, he moved to another state for a job in January, we broke up in March. He said he wanted a "break" because he wasn't sure about things. I was his first serious girlfriend and he said if someone was to ask him out, he could turn them down, but he would have what if's, and we needed to test the relationship. I respected his decision, did not beg or plead. We continued talking about a month and he started dating this girl and I could not handle it so I decided to enforce no contact. He begged and pleaded that we be "best" friends and told me to continue talking to him. I finally told him he could call me once a month just to see how I was doing.

That did not work out, he disrespected me and have called me numerous times since then. I have gotten mad at him and tried everything. He came down in June and took me out to eat, we did not talk at all. When he was calling he was asking did I still love him, did I miss him, was I over him and stuff like that, while he was still with this girl. I never answered those questions. He always wanted to know about my personal life, and I never disclosed any information and I told him not to ask me those things but he continued to do so. He always respected me in the relationship. He wrote me an email saying that he was the best for me, and he can't imagine anyone else treating me like he did and that's why he ask questions just to see if I have found someone and if they are treating me right. That was in July. he wanted me to respond and say that he was the best, but I didn't. I asked his mother was he happy and she said she didn't know, but he told her he was "comfortable" and she did say that he said he was happy later.

In August, he called me 10 times in one day, when I finally answered the phone he said he just called to see how I was doing. I told him he could've left that on my voicemail! After that, he said if I ever wanted to talk to him again I would have to call him, but he said he was afraid that I wasn't ever going to call him. I knew that I wasn't going to call him ever again.

Just about a week ago, he texts me(we've never texted each other, it's his first time really getting a cell phone) and says that him and his roomates are moving and he wanted to know if I wanted the number. I told him no I did not want the number and if I was to contact him it would be by email or something, plus I had his cell number! I ended it by saying God bless and take care." He did not text me back until the next day and said " oh....ok God bless you too." I figured that he was just being nice or whatever, I don't contact him at all, and I only called his house phone in May just to tell him Happy Birthday. I have other numerous means of contacting him and plus his mother still calls me from time to time.

I am always civil when I talk to him, but not happy.

I just don't know why he even bothers if he's (supposedly) with someone else. I guess I'm just venting guys. Any replies are welcome.

arwen · October 6, 2004

Hey pologirl,

I just read your message, but it's like 2 AM here, and I am just going to sleep. I recognize so much in your story, I just wanted you to know that for now... I will tell the full story first thing tomorrow,

take care, and just ignore the guy,

ilse.

nicholascrack · October 6, 2004

Pologirl,

I really admire your courage and conviction. I have to be honest, the things I was doing two months ago really sound like your ex. You are doing everything right by the sounds of it.

Is this someone you eventually want to get back together with or someone you wanna get over?

Nicholas

arwen · October 6, 2004

Ok, so here's my story... it is pretty much the same and I was gonna post it here anyway on the forum. Maybe we can be of use for each other. Just so you know, I am Dutch, so if my English is incomprehendible, it is for this reason...

My ex and I had a 4 year relationship, on and off. After 2 years I got into a severe depression. I took medication, therapy and all of this put a heavy weight on the relationship. He broke it off saying it was too difficult for him. I was heartbroken, but understood. After 2 months we got back together for another year. We broke up again. He contacted me AGAIN and we met (after 4 months NC), we slept together. The little detail that he had fallen in love with another girl during that 4 months, came only after a week. He told me he didn't want a real commitment, we would just see where we would end up.

I was going abroad for my studies anyway, so I agreed. When I left, after half a year of 'being together but not in a relationship', he said I should be free. So I was. But we kept in contact and missed each other. Only in the 4th month that I spent abroad, he stopped calling... finally he called me to say thanks for a birthday package that I sent, and he told me he had feelings for that girl... again (read: still).

We kept in touch but my heart had said goodbye to him. When I got back in Holland, we met one time. He seemed flirtatious and it was a big tension between us. He didn't say anything about that girl and kept calling me every week. I was confused because I didn't know if they were together, and he tried to be intimate (emotionally intimate I mean, by talking about my personal life all the time). I broke that off. I told him that already abroad I had decided not ever to have a relationship with him again. After that I didn;t hear anything from him.

In Februar this year, I suddenly heard by accident that he had a relationship with that girl. I wasn't really beaten up by this. I was single and happy. until he texted me. I didn't react. Then a couple of months later he called me. I had just gotten into a new relationship and said I would contact him in summer. I broke off the new relationship after 2 months and thought: now is a good time to speak to The Ex. We met and the truth came up: he had been with that girl for over a year by that time, meaning that he was already together with her when I was still in Italy.

Suddenly it was clear. He used me to get over her, in the time she didn;t want a relationship with her. He even admitted this! He told me that he was a bit depressed and that he made the wrong choice by sleeping with me for half a year. A knife in the back.

The day after we had that meeting, I called him and said it was too difficult to be friends now that I learned the truth... I promised him that I would email him.

And what now??? He emailed ME last week, I hate that! I mean, I would email HIM if I was ready for that and I am NOT. I have a new serious love in my life and I hate that everytime he contacts me, all this pain from the past comes up. It makes me fear that also this relationship will end up with me being hurt... So again I didn't respond.

I know why he keeps on contacting me. It is because he feels really guilty about how this turned out to be. He has the new relationship and it has the bitter taste of what he did to me. He and I were each others first loves. He had never been in a relationship and I was the first he slept with, etc. He always wanted to be sure that I wouldn't break all contact. But now I do. I ignore this, and I am sure that he will call me. Then I will tell him how I feel about this. He is crossing the line, out of despair. He wants to know that I am ok, so that he doesn't feel guilty. I AM ok, but not with him. I can never forgive him for ruining what we had. I mean, if he didn't sleep with me that half year to get over her, I would be friends with him. Because then things wouldn't be such a mess.

So that is my story. Ooof.

ilse

arwen · October 6, 2004